tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-59347200629899236892024-03-15T18:12:48.014-07:00Mike Zito, a Bluesman in Recovery....Zitohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11128237945028788846noreply@blogger.comBlogger119125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5934720062989923689.post-39601769837073822682023-10-11T03:48:00.002-07:002023-10-11T04:10:47.044-07:00Endless Summer VacationI was 14 years old in 1984. I was in 8th grade at Holy Family Catholic School in South St. Louis. I loved music with a passion. I listened to anything and everything. I especially loved music that had a lot of energy. Music that made me feel alive and excited. Music that was emotional and sometimes sad. I was falling in love with every girl in my class and of course I was crazy for Molly Ringwald. There were so many albums that played a huge role in this time period in my life: Michael Jackson/Thriller (actually 83), Bruce Springsteen/Born in the USA, Madonna/Like a Virgin, Van Halen/1984, but most of all was Prince "Purple Rain". I LOVED that movie and listened to that album over and over and over and over. I know every scream, every inflection, every note, every beat. It's one of my all time favorite albums and especially important for me at the age of 14. It had great songs, amazing singing, incredible guitar playing, imagery, it was sexual, passionate, profound, and full of angst and emotion. Everything that was running through my veins as a hormonal teenage boy. It summed up my life in 8th grade. I wanted to be Prince, sing like him, play like him, dance like him. <div><br /></div><div><span> I don't always listen to Purple Rain anymore. Maybe once a year I go down memory lane and listen to the album for nostalgia. I still enjoy all of the music, but it also reminds of this time in my life. It wasn't a "bad" time, it was a great time. But a time that was emotional. I was insecure, sensitive, and vulnerable. It brings me back to feelings that were not so pleasant then and maybe they're still not now. One thing is certain, that album defines a very particular time I my life. When I hear "When Doves Cry" or "Purple Rain" on the radio, it immediately brings me back to 1984. The summer before high school. I had so many dreams and things I was going to do with my life, but I really had no idea how to go about doing them. We were pretty poor and their certainly wasn't means to support my grandiose ideas. I was frustrated and self centered.....the life of a teenager. </span><br /></div><div><span><br /></span></div><div><span><span> When I got older I began listening to music with a purpose. I was learning to play the guitar for real and I needed to go to school. I needed to hear certain players and albums and learn styles and techniques. I fell in love with music from a different view, a musicians view. I found music that embodied my emotions in a different way. Lyrics were less important than the bend of a guitar string or the harmonic of a speaker beginning to distort. I listened to music that no one else my age was listening to or interested in. I am not saying this music wasn't emotional, the emotions were just coming from a different place. It fed my obsessive brain well. I could focus my energies on very specific nuances, rather than on love and sex. There's nothing sexier than Wes Montgomery playing guitar, but maybe that doesn't translate to every woman. I was self sufficient and kept my emotions to myself. They were not big and loud, they were contained and controlled for a while. </span><br /></span></div><div><span><span><br /></span></span></div><div><span><span><span> I tell you all of this because I didn't believe it would ever be possible again to have the experience of Purple Rain. I had told myself that was a time in life that you don't get twice. The coming of age. There were times when something got close - like "Room for Squares" by John Mayer. That was out when I began dating Laura and we were falling in love. We listened to that album a lot together and it always brings back sweet memories, but again I don't think I was truly "feeling" like I was when I was 14. I was jaded and older and did drugs and drank and the innocence was not there. </span><br /></span></span></div><div><span><span><span><br /></span></span></span></div><div><span><span><span><span> It was not until this past summer, the summer of 2023, that I had a full on emotional experience like no other in my life. I lost my wife of 20 years to pancreatic cancer. And she didn't just die this past July, she began dying the summer before in 2022 when she was diagnosed. With 9-12 months to live tops, that perspective will change your life forever. I walked around in a daze, a fog of hurt and pain and selfishness. She could no longer do anything other than try to stay alive as long as possible. It was the most painful year of my life, a true horror show. When she passed on July 31st of this year I was numb. I was tragically sad and gratefully relieved it was over. I was raw and open and strangely aware. I saw a video clip on Instagram by Miley Cyrus about a week after the funeral when I was getting home from Disney with the kids. She was standing in front of the camera singing teary eyed. The song was "Used to be young".</span><br /></span></span></span></div><div><span><span><span><span>I immediately went to youtube to see the entire video, it was captivating. She was vulnerable and emotional and the song was melodic and full of honesty. As she cried during the video, I began crying. I just started crying. It all came rushing out and I got this feeling, the feeling that music was made for you. She was singing about getting older and sober and not being the same person anymore. It just hit me.</span></span></span></span></div><div><span><span><span><span>I downloaded the album immediately - "Endless Summer Vacation". </span></span></span></span></div><div><span><span><span><span>I went for a long walk that night and listened to the entire album. It's not the kind of music I listen to much anymore, it's popular. It's very pop/rock but not perfect. It's edgy and honest and the lyrics are personal. I walked or ran everyday after Laura died and I have listened to this album everyday for 3 months now. I can't stop listening to it. It brings out all of the emotions I am dealing with and keeps them in front of me. I work through them rather than hide them. I believe thats what music does, especially for most people who don't play music. I have given myself permission to listen to music that has nothing to do with me playing music, it's just for me to listen to. Although it is having a profound effect on how I approach playing music. I am playing from the heart more and thinking less. Thats what I am always trying to do, but having had a very strong emotional experience with the loss of my wife, I could either bottle that up and put it away or let it all out and release. I am choosing to release and I believe it's because of this mindset I have been in the past 3 months listening to this album. </span></span></span></span></div><div><span><span><span><span><br /></span></span></span></span></div><div><span><span><span><span><span> </span>Maybe it's the music, or more likely it's me. I was ready for something, open to it, and music is energy and that energy found it's way to me. What I do know.....is that 25 years from now "Endless Summer Vacation" by Miley Cyrus will define the hardest summer of my life. It will define the moment I made a choice to not live in my head, but live in my heart. I became fully aware and open. When I hear those songs years from now I will think back to these defining months in my life just like I do when I hear Purple Rain. Who would've ever thought. That is the power of music.</span></span></span></span></div><div><span><span><span><span><br /></span></span></span></span></div><div><span><span><span><span><span> I have SO many things to be thankful for today. My life is magic, it's going crazy with nothing but positive. I am so happy and silly. I miss Laura everyday, but it's ok. She's with me every step of the way. I feel her guiding me, she's showing me where to go and it's all incredible. I never knew you could be so happy and grieving at the same time. I think you have to have the heart for it. I am living each day for Laura, full of love and hope. When I got clean and sober I began making amends. There were some people that were no longer alive or available for me to make amends to, so I made a "living amends". I made sure to give back, be a decent member of society. I was generous with those around me and truly tried to be helpful. Those are things I continue to do today to offer a living amends. </span><br /></span></span></span></span></div><div><span><span><span><span><span><br /></span></span></span></span></span></div><div><span><span><span><span><span>Today, I will love for Laura. I will give love and receive love in her honor. Thats what she would want. I am open to all things and all possibilities and by choosing to live this way today, my life is amazing.</span></span></span></span></span></div><div><br /></div><div>Side note: I just finished recording my new album</div><div> “Life is hard” at Sunset Sound with Joe and Josh. It’s the same studio that Miley recorded “Endless Summer Vacation”.</div><div><br /></div><div><span><span><span><span><span>Peace, Love, Zito</span></span></span></span></span></div><div><span><span><span><span><span><br /></span></span></span></span></span></div><div><span><span><span><span><span><br /></span></span></span></span></span></div>Zitohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11128237945028788846noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5934720062989923689.post-42892123510609111832023-07-10T06:23:00.003-07:002023-07-10T06:41:56.874-07:00We have plenty of milk.....<p> Today I am just going to be catty and sarcastic for fun......it's my sweet spot.</p><p>Everyone sends me messages these days, a lot more than before Laura and cancer. They offer empathy and sympathy and for some reason milk. I am told more often than any other statement "If there is anything we can do, just let us know. If you need milk. let me know." Apparently, during this process, milk is very necessary. I am unsure why, as we have plenty of milk. We have whole milk, 2%, and Oat milk. I have yet to see any of the girls laying on the floor with bowls of dry cereal howling for milk. Everyone wants to run to the store for me, which is very nice. But I let them know right away if we need anything from the store I AM GOING. That is my one trip out of the house for the day and you're not taking that away from me. Let me tell you, when I get to the store, I take my time. It's like being at Disney World for 30 minutes. I know that all of these wonderful people are just being super sweet. They're not sure what to do or say and just want to be helpful. I hope you're laughing a bit, cause that is what this is all about. I am so grateful to have so many people willing to help me at a moment's notice. </p><p>Laura sleeps a lot of the day, is up a few times, hits a sweet spot around 4pm, and stays up until 9 or 10pm. There is plenty of time for me to go to the store, the bank, whatever. Obviously, I don't go too far away. She is on a pain management schedule that I am in charge of administering. In the other parts of the day I am cleaning the house, organizing my studio, and helping the Blood Brothers tour with hotels and flights. It gets boring and slow for a guy that is used to moving constantly. I don't do "slow" very well. I continue to run every day on the treadmill and do 120 daily pushups. But I miss the hustle and bustle of touring and moving around. Even in the past when at home, Laura was always going. She never sat still much. She was working in the yard or had projects she was doing. We were going out to eat and see the local theater group that Laura's mother is working with. Now it's just slower and calm, and simple. It takes more focus to stay here and stay in the moment. Laura has a port to drain fluid from her abdomen. She has ascites from liver failure. I have to drain her belly once a day and clean the port and change her bandage. The tape sticks to her skin and hurts to peel off. We have to use these pads to loosen the tape from her skin. It's a very slow and sometimes painful process for her. It makes me sad for her and I try to not get frustrated. I am also thankful that I get this time with her together to just be close. We hold hands and watch tv, and sometimes we dance in the kitchen to no music. Laura is in a very good state of mind. She laughs and is silly and fun most days. She's got great pain meds to help her and sometimes they work too well. She will kind of walk in circles and just start laughing. She says "Ok, I don't know what the hell I was trying to do just now." I usually tell her I am jealous! </p><p>We have had several visits from family and friends. Of course, everyone wants to see Laura. She would like to see everyone as well, trust me, but it's just not always possible. Like I said, she sleeps most of the day so we limit her visits to maybe one a day and only for a few hours. She doesn't like anything to be loud or noisy, even if it's loud laughter. It startles her. The mood here at the house needs to be medium always. Not doom and gloom and not loud and wild, just medium. She loves to hear about how everyone's doing and what's going on. Her brother Kenny came over last week and told her all about his cars and trucks and what he was fixing up or selling. She was so excited. She loves when friends come over and remind her of fun times they had when they were younger. Obviously, everyone wants to talk to her about her cancer and how she is feeling but that gets old. That's pretty much all she has talked about for the past year and she's tired of talking about it. She wants to hear about life, not her cancer. </p><p>I have to say, I feel the same way as Laura. Everyone who talks to me wants to talk about what I am going through. I get it. But I have been going through this since last April, this isn't new. It's all-consuming. I want to talk about music, guitars, tv shows, movies, comedians.....anything else, please. I get so many wonderful messages and calls from friends, family, and fans offering to talk to me. It's really over the top. But to tell you the truth, I don't want to talk about this anymore. I have a sponsor and some very dear close friends that I talk to regularly and those are really the only people I trust to talk about my feelings with. I don't need to talk to everyone about my personal thoughts and feelings. If we have never had deep personal conversations before, why would we do that now? I promise I know that people are just trying to be helpful and of service. I also know that when most people offer to talk with me what they're really offering is to "talk", not listen. Listening is very difficult. They want to tell me about their problems and what they think I should do or feel. When I do share with some people they try and tell me that I can't think like that or feel like that. They tell me I am feeling wrong and need to feel like they would feel. It's weird. When someone asks me how I am doing I will usually answer "pretty good". That is an honest answer. They seem a little stunned at first. How is that possible that I am doing "pretty good"? It's possible because I pray every day. I believe in a God of my understanding and I have a relationship with God. I have a deep understanding of life and death from being in recovery for 20 years. My sponsor and the program have been training me for a situation just like this for years. I am spiritually prepared. It does not make it easier, it just makes it doable. I know this is not the end for Laura. I believe in an afterlife. I am also still hopeful and pray for a miracle. I won't stop praying for a miracle until she is no longer here. I have gratitude for the 20 years I have gotten to spend with this wonderful human being. Yes, I am sad I don't get 20 more, but I am not going to ruin the little bit I have left by being resentful and mad, I am grateful. Most people will have never lived and loved as much as Laura and myself did in an entire lifetime, let alone 20 years. What a blessing that I get to be here with her now. She saved my life in 2003. She saved me from being a dead junkie. I could never repay her for her love and support. To be here now for her and make her comfortable will be the most important thing I do in my life. </p><p>People think because I do not cry in front of them that I must not be sad. I am supposed to show a certain amount of sadness in front of everyone so they can feel like I am sad enough. It's pretty weird. I don't cry in front of people much. That is just not who I am. If that is who you are, that's wonderful, but I am not that way. I have cried 1000 times over the past year. I cry alone when it's too much. I cry with Laura when we are alone. I don't have to cry to make you feel better. I have grieved for the past year and cried for the past year....it's your turn to cry and grieve now. I will grieve for years to come, but right now I have a duty to my best friend and to my family. I can cry as much as needed when I am on the other side of this journey. I also get a lot of messages about how we can cure Laura's cancer with some new herbal medicines or sound waves or ivermectin. Again, I know people want to help and I am not opposed to alternative medicines. But know this, Laura has a Rife machine that she uses almost every day. Laura takes dog dewormer for the past 3 months or more. Laura takes Rick Simpson Oil daily. We have tried almost everything you can think of and we continue to try these alternatives, they just don't seem to be working. But, we continue to try and hope. Laura had the best medical team at MD Anderson, thanks to a very dear family friend, and that team of doctors did everything they could for Laura and it just didn't work for very long. It's hard for us to believe that her oncologist couldn't save her but your message on Facebook about baking soda will. At some point, Laura just needs to live whatever amount of life she has left. She gets tired of having to constantly try and be saved. </p><p>I hope you know that I love you all. I am thankful for your love and support for me and my family. It's overwhelming the outpouring of love. And while I cannot sit and have a deep conversation with each and everyone one of you, know that I truly appreciate your care and concern. If you want to know what you can do for me, please pray for Laura. If you're not a praying person, please keep a good thought for her. That is really all I ask for. I can get as much milk as we need, trust me. Also, Walmart delivers now. I know a lot of you want to come to see Laura, but she just can't see everyone. She needs to see her family and close friends. I try and read to her all of the comments and posts and messages I get when she gets up for the day. She loves hearing from you. If you message her and she doesn't get back to you, it's just because she's sleepy and slower and not always able to keep up, don't take it personal. </p><p>I will continue to share stories of Laura with you and old photos, it's really fun. Laura loves to be reminded of these fun times we had. She never had a great memory, but I do. I will play my guitar on Instagram and share all of the Blood Brothers shows as they continue to tour. I hope you will support Albert and the band and go see them with Gary Hoey. They sound amazing! Yes, I do have a new album I have been working on for the better part of this year. It is a Blues album. Joe Bonamassa and Josh Smith are helping me put the song list together. Everyone seems to think I am going to write lots of new songs about this journey with Laura....but I don't think that is possible. Not right now and maybe never. I have certainly written a few, but that's all I can muster. I wouldn't even know how to write songs about what we are going through now. I have no words. I am lucky I can walk through it let alone sing about it. </p><p>Make me laugh! I love you all and as Tommy Castro likes to say "Let's keep it fresh"</p><p>Peace, Love, Zito</p>Zitohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11128237945028788846noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5934720062989923689.post-51919174881663712122023-07-03T05:53:00.001-07:002023-07-03T06:01:13.488-07:00Preparing for a hurricane<p> First of all, thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for all of your generous donations and support to my wife Laura, and our family. We are forever grateful. And although we certainly realize that no amount of money will save Laura's life, it has given us the freedom to put everyday concerns aside and just be together with our family. This is a gift I can never repay. We would trade every penny to keep Laura here with us longer.</p><p>Having grown up in the midwest I had no experience with hurricanes. I heard about them on the news now and then and sometimes saw the awful footage of the destruction they caused but because they were so far removed from where I lived they were never really on my mind. My first experience with hurricanes would change my life forever. I was living in Port Neches, Texas in 2005 and Hurricane Katrina was coming for New Orleans. My sister Patty and her daughters evacuated to our house and we watched the destruction unfold on tv. It was like nothing I had ever seen before. Luckily she lived in Destrehan where the damage was much less and she did not have flooding. They were able to go back home pretty quick. Within weeks of Katrina, Hurricane Rita came for Southeast Texas and Southwest Louisiana. This was an ever stronger and larger hurricane than Katrina. It was unreal. We packed up the house, shut it all down, and evacuated to Patty's house in Destrehan. This was all like a movie to me. Very surreal. Within less than a month we endured two of the worst hurricanes in US history. I remember returning to Port Neches to see our house and area after the storm passed. It was like a war zone. Our home in Port Neches was on cinder blocks; half of them had been pushed down deep into the ground, so the house was bent crooked. All the door jams were off like an amusement park fun house. The huge tree in front of the house had fallen on the roof. It was a mess. After Katrina and Rita, I was now fully aware of hurricanes and the pain and destruction they cause. As the years went on living in Nederland, Texas we had so many hurricanes. I am told more than in the previous twenty years. It seemed like every year, at least once, we were packing and evacuating. Luckily for us, these storms never did the damage of Rita. In fact, most of these storms didn't do anything to our home or to our town. But we still packed up, locked the house down, and got ready for the worst because we knew what was possible. Most times we would come back home to the electricity still on, no damage, and almost a laughing sigh of relief. </p><p>This is what we're doing with Laura. We're praying for a miracle but preparing for the storm. We know what we've been told by the doctors and her poor health is an obvious reminder that things are not getting better, they're getting worse. She is in more pain as each day goes by. We have all of the conversations you never thought you'd have to have so soon in life. They're not fun conversations. Making out wills, end-of-life directives, wishes, and hopes for the future of the family. It's heavy. It brings on a feeling of hopelessness just like the weather forecast does when they tell you how bad this storm is going to be. So, we prepare. But I always remind Laura of the times when we locked down the house, packed up our belongings and family, and ran for the hills only to return to an undamaged home and everything ended up being fine. We weren't mad or upset that we prepared for no reason, we were thankful. </p><p>Luckily for me and my family, I am clean and sober today. I have the program and the steps. I have a wonderful sponsor who checks on me daily. I have my faith in my Higher Power who I choose to call God. I pray and meditate and exercise every day to keep my mind focused and grateful. I would be a mess and useless to Laura and my family if I was not in recovery today. It's like this beautiful program has been training me for this exact moment in my life. I play my guitar and I have been writing some songs as well.</p><p>So this is where we are today. We are making all the necessary decisions and provisions for the inevitable, but we continue to pray for a miracle that none of this will be necessary. It's not fun, but we try and laugh as much as possible and enjoy the sunshine. I know this comparison to a hurricane seems corny, but it makes sense in our heads and hearts. Just like when we evacuated, we have come together as a family and marriage. My job is to be Laura's husband. I am here to help her feel comfortable, safe, and at peace. I will make sure she isn't worried about a thing. I love her so much and I know she would do the same thing for me. </p><p>Thank you again, continued prayers are so welcome.</p><p><br /></p><p>Peace, Love, Zito</p>Zitohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11128237945028788846noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5934720062989923689.post-20434241774592881202023-04-25T07:21:00.001-07:002023-04-25T08:35:49.182-07:00Run Run Away (Laura update)<p> I am trying to continue making blog entries, although they are fewer and further between.</p><p>Of course, everyone asks about Laura and how she is doing and my answer is mostly the same....she is doing pretty good. Her treatment continues and probably always will. She had some setbacks in February and March with a blood infection and weight issues. That seemed to really slow her progress down. Her last scans were not bad but not great either, just ok. Some tumors got a little smaller, some got a little bigger. They are adding a new medicine to her chemo treatment to help keep the cancer stable. She has gotten much better over the last month and has gained back over 10 pounds. She is feeling stronger and looking more solid and less frail. Yesterday she got a nerve blocker to help alleviate the horrible pain she has been suffering from over the past year due to her pancreatic tumor. It hits two nerves and causes excruciating pain and suffering. When she hurts, it's hard to eat or sleep, bringing her quality of life down quite a bit. But when the procedure was finished yesterday she wasn't feeling any pain at all and for most of the day she didn't need any pain meds. This is very promising and she is excited about not hurting every day. That would make a big difference for her to enjoy her everyday life and put on more weight. More weight would give her more strength in case she got another infection or got sick. With her immune response so low from the chemo sudden illness can take a big toll on her. All in all, she is doing really pretty good right now and we are very thankful. She is a fighter and will continue to fight hard. We pray for any and all miracles, but we also are thankful for the miracle that she is with us right now, today.</p><p>My past behavior shows a pattern of running away. I run away from problems, intimacy, hard times...you name it and I have run away from it in my life. Ironically, I have always had this desire to run, like physically run fast and hard. I have never been a runner but I always have this idea, this thought that I would love to go outside and run as fast as I can. On January 1st of this year, I decided I would start running every day. I went outside and I ran. It felt good. I got an Apple watch and started monitoring my progress and my heart rate. I quickly moved to the treadmill where I began an Apple Fitness Plus class. Since January 1st of this year, I have only missed 7 days of running. My stamina is much higher now and I can knock out a 45-minute class with ease. I get my heart rate up to 160-170 most every day. The class is more cardio than just running. It involves hits where we push really hard for a short period of maybe 30-45 seconds and then we pull back to an easy walk or run for a minute or so and then go again. This has helped me to build full body strength and freedom. I no longer am so concerned with how many calories I have or if I can have a cookie or not. My metabolism is much higher now and my life has completely changed. I have maybe lost 10 pounds total but my body has been transformed. My core is strong and my energy level is through the roof. I sleep solid and I feel ten years younger. But the most important change this physical act of running has brought me is inner peace. My mind is at ease. The pain of my wife's illness is still there every waking moment, but my mind can stay clear and focused throughout the day. I am burning off the excess anxiety. It's amazing to me that what I have wanted all my life is to run, literally. When I physically run, I am actually running away from my mind and my worrying....hence my problems. My problems are always of my own making in my mind. Of course, I am not at fault for my wife's illness or all of my circumstances in life but I am responsible for how I react and walk through the circumstances. Physically running gives me hope and focus to do what I can do and be of service. </p><p>Many folks are kind enough to ask me how am I doing through all of this. I tell them I am doing ok. That's about how I am doing. Sometimes I am just in what I call "Animal" mode. I am surviving. I do what I am asked to do for the family and I follow direction. I act stupid and laugh at horrible jokes. I watch silly movies and tv shows and listen to more rocking music because it pushes me. It may seem like I am just not feeling much and that's probably true. When I am on the road working, I prefer to not have a lot of feelings. They get in the way. When I am home I get to relax and love on my girls and that balances my life. </p><p> We have so much generous help from family and loving friends through this all, we are not alone. We thank you all for your support and love and prayers. Laura is very strong and she's not going anywhere anytime soon. She is doing things now she wouldn't have considered months ago. She is willing to do whatever it takes to stay here with our family, she is a fighter and I am so proud of her. </p><p>We love you!</p><p>Peace, Love, Zito</p>Zitohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11128237945028788846noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5934720062989923689.post-63774408062390342802023-02-22T06:52:00.000-08:002023-02-22T06:52:00.460-08:00Richard Pryor<p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgA0kG5hxkEl1mzgJ8bg04KgW94QkkOeXkUBrie1j8ZqrEkQAgWWXqcaMBCO-GtjPSErwPNrd65ndXS3vUR4Ys0abpRQt-hEeVXxnc_2kBXwmHsmgMl7gr3Lhbs7WqDDwYr_6y_2HtpjDg-3DKnKvezsGAg8zojxR6E5FVxZuvleiP_GVNEZCaS1O6bMg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgA0kG5hxkEl1mzgJ8bg04KgW94QkkOeXkUBrie1j8ZqrEkQAgWWXqcaMBCO-GtjPSErwPNrd65ndXS3vUR4Ys0abpRQt-hEeVXxnc_2kBXwmHsmgMl7gr3Lhbs7WqDDwYr_6y_2HtpjDg-3DKnKvezsGAg8zojxR6E5FVxZuvleiP_GVNEZCaS1O6bMg" width="180" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p><br />Laughter: <span style="background-color: white; color: #202122; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Most commonly, it is considered an auditory expression of a number of positive emotional states, such as joy, mirth, </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Happiness" style="background: none rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #3366cc; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-decoration-line: none;" title="Happiness">happiness</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #202122; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">, or relief.</span></p><p>The study of "Laughter" is called Gelotology.</p><p><br /></p><p>I had some pretty terrible things happen to me when I was a young child. Things that should never happen to children. It was traumatizing and changed my life forever. I felt shame and was frightened of going to hell for what happened to me. The acts themselves were enough to ruin a child but the Catholic church added another element to the entire experience by scaring the living shit out of me night and day. I had very dark times when I was 6 and 7 years old. I was always afraid and ashamed. I got a guitar and a record player in 1978 and they would both change my life for the better. </p><p>My brother Frank is 18 years older than me. My sister Patty is 16 years older than me and Judy is 11 years older than me. By the time I was 8 years old, all of them were long gone from the house. It was just me and my parents and a BUNCH of vinyl records that were left behind. Those records consisted of Led Zepplin, The Eagles, Heart, Jimi Hendrix, The Doors, Rolling Stones, The Beatles, Paul Revere and The Raiders, Jackson 5, and many more. But maybe more important than the music albums were comedy albums. Cheech and Chong, Steve Martin, and most important, Richard Pryor. There were two Richard Pryor albums; "That ni$$ers crazy" and "Is it something I said?". These two albums changed my life for the better and continue to do so today. I was 8 years old with two Richard Pryor albums and a world of hurt. I remember listening to them for the first time. His voice was just funny, he was playful. He did different voices of characters that made me laugh. Obviously, many sexual jokes and racial ideas went over my head at such a young age. I knew he was using dirty words and I loved it! But I didn't always understand the context. What I did understand and feel almost immediately was that this man was special. He was kind and full of love. He had a softness to his personality that instantly made me feel better. He was vulnerable. Even as a young kid, I could tell he was saying that life is painful and weird and that's ok cause it's like that for all of us. I could see the scene when he did voices and told stories of the wino on the street corner. I was there in my head watching him tell this story, he took me somewhere far away from my own mind and thoughts. My absolute favorite is of course "Mudbone". I would listen to these stories over and over and watch them play out like a movie that was only for me. I was enthralled by the laughter of the live audience. They howled, screamed, and cheered him on as he poured his heart out in front of them. I memorized all of the stories word for word and would laugh to myself at school as I replayed them in my mind. I couldn't wait to get home to put on my comedy records and just fantasize for hours. I loved Steve Martin and his silliness and adored Cheech and Chong with the stories and characters and sound effects, but most of all I loved Richard Pryor. He was just more real and honest and he always made me feel like everything was going to be ok. He instilled in me a feeling of resilience that I carry with me to this day. His albums became my religion, my sanctuary. I listened to them over and over all of my life. His understanding of the human condition continues to inspire me today. </p><p>Later in life I became friends with Cyril Neville. We wrote a song together called "Pearl River" and it won a Blues Music Award for Song of the Year in 2010. That brought us together to write more songs and start a band called Royal Southern Brotherhood. We traveled the world with this band and spent many days and nights on the road together. Soon enough Cyril found out how much I loved Richard Pryor and we became much closer. Richard Pryor was a hero to Cyril as well. Cyril just loved him for all the same reasons I did. We would listen to those albums in the van on the road, quote his best lines to each other and sometimes Cyril would just ask me to recite some of Mudbone or the Wino to make him laugh. Richard Pryor brought Cyril and me together much closer because we both understood what his comedy meant and how deep it was, still today. To truly feel his comedy you have to have a bit of sadness inside and Cyril and I shared that feeling together. We understood each other much better because of this connection. </p><p>I wrote Richard Pryor's wife Jennifer years ago to let her know how Richard's comedy was still bringing people together and told her about myself and Cyril and she took the time to write back to me. She appreciated my sharing with her and wished us well, very sweet.</p><p>On this last tour, we spent super bowl Sunday in Peoria, Il. The next day we went to visit the Richard Pryor memorial statue. It was beautiful and very meaningful to me. His comedy is like my religion. He always makes me feel better. We listened all morning to Richard and laughed our way to Evansville. His comedy never goes out of style. You can hear where all of the others after him take their cues. Some just blatantly use his material for their own. But none are as powerful or vulnerable as Richard Pryor. He was real and needed to laugh to get past the sadness of life. His comedy endures today. I am so very thankful to have found those records all those years ago when I was young. They were waiting for me at the absolute right time in my life. </p><p>Peace, Love, Zito</p><p>"yeah I know Jesus! I remember when the boy got kilt, thats for real man it was on a Friday down by the railroad depot" - RP</p><p>Take a few minutes to enjoy Mudbone today:</p><p>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6hwsx8xnPM</p>Zitohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11128237945028788846noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5934720062989923689.post-6731320894831963762022-11-26T07:19:00.001-08:002022-11-26T07:19:04.487-08:00Thanksgiving - Laura Update<p> Happy Thanksgiving!</p><p>I hope you had a wonderful day with friends and family and were able to eat some good food. I was very lucky to do just that. I was home all week with the girls and we had a big dinner with everyone at my mother-in-law's house. Pam, Laura's mother, is an excellent cook and the food was wonderful. I am always thankful when someone cooks for me! I don't think it gets any better in life. We played a big game of dominoes after dinner that lasted for hours with about 8 people at the table, which is usually really fun. But...I was accused of cheating. I had turned over 7 of my dominoes and they sucked and I had not turned over the 8th domino just yet and I thought I would trade it out for a new one before I was all in. Laura caught me and very sternly told me that was cheating and to put it back. Everyone had a giggle, except Laura who is VERY serious about "playing" games, and me. I did not have a giggle. I got pretty upset. I wasn't cheating and I got embarrassed if you can believe it being called out in front of everyone by my wife. I stayed upset for quite a while and just couldn't shake the feeling. Why was I so upset over something so silly? Normally I would be laughing and arguing and having fun but I was tired and emotionally sensitive. It all seems so stupid and trivial but I realized later that evening that I was not doing well with everything going on with Laura's cancer. It's been a lot lately and I guess I just have kept it inside and then I let it show over something so silly. I talked to Laura later that night and it made me feel a lot better, but I try not to bring that burden to Laura as she has enough on her plate to deal with just trying to focus on healing and treatment. I try to be strong, carry on, and make things as "normal" as possible in the house for her and the kids. People ask me all the time about Laura and then they ask "and how are you doing?" and I answer "I guess I am doing ok, I don't know." Which is really the truth, I just don't really know. I don't always take a lot of time to think about how I am doing because I want to focus on moving forward. I put my energy into work and music and the record label. I keep myself busy with guitars and work and that helps my mind to stay positive. But it's hard, it's been pretty hard. When I talk to Laura she sounds the same. When I text Laura she has the same personality and sense of humor that I love. Then I see Laura and I am immediately reminded that she is very sick and is going through treatment. I wake up in the mornings and the first thing I think is Laura has cancer. I go to bed at night and the last thing I think is Laura has cancer. It's always there, all the time, and never goes away. Of course, I pray and meditate and talk to my sponsor which all help a lot but it's still always there like a rash. Things are the same these days and they are extremely different and now the new normal. I truly believe it's harder watching your loved one go through this than if I had to deal with it myself. People who have been in my shoes have told me the same thing, they understand. I try not to make this about me, this is about Laura, but we all have to deal with this change in our lives. I guess I hadn't realized how I was feeling until I got caught swapping out a domino on Thanksgiving. LOL - onward and upward my friends.</p><p>So, how is Laura doing?</p><p>Laura is doing AMAZING! She is seriously kicking ass and feeling better than ever. She had her treatment changed back in October and it has made a world of difference in her quality of life. She doesn't really get sick anymore, she's not tired all the time and she's keeping her weight on. She eats really well and looks amazing. Her Doctor told us the most important factor in her healing is if she is feeling good and she feels really good. They run labs on her blood every time she goes in for treatment and they run numbers on her liver and her tumor marker for her pancreas. These numbers will show how the treatment is working. If her numbers go up, the cancer is growing and if they go down the cancer is shrinking and the chemo is working. Back in August her tumor marker number was as high as 6300. I don't really know what that means because it's all based on millimeters of her tumor, but that was a high number. Last Friday her tumor marker was 900!!! It has continually gone down over the past months. Her liver numbers are all down as well. It's been a real miracle to watch her slowly feel better. Her doctor is so pleased with her progress. They will run scans next Wednesday and we pray that the cancer has retreated and gotten smaller. Right now she is scheduled for two more chemotherapy treatments that will finish before the end of December. If she continues to do well and the cancer is cooled down the doctors will decide what the next plan of action will be for Laura. The options vary from immunotherapy, chemo pills, we're just not sure yet. The important thing is that the cancer is retreating and she feels so much better than she did just months ago. </p><p>So there you go - I figured you should know what's happening. I will continue to try and keep you up to date on her progress and feel free to continue to pray, good thoughts, or whatever you got to send this girl some positive energy. We are doing really good and I am thankful for her healing.</p><p>We are also thankful for you. For the years of support and love.</p><p>Peace, Love, Zito</p>Zitohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11128237945028788846noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5934720062989923689.post-62568231198550124972022-09-05T05:42:00.005-07:002022-09-05T08:16:59.647-07:00Life with Cancer<p> Well, I haven't sat down and written my blog in a while.</p><p>With so much going on I haven't had a lot of time to reflect or think about life much. I have been knee deep in it and just moving forward. I have had plenty of time for anxiety and worry and stress, thats for sure, but I haven't really put it into words yet. I am not writing songs about this experience, not yet, maybe not ever. Right now I am just living day to day learning more about patience than ever before. Playing music has been a relief for me. Getting to sing and play my guitar has taken on a whole new life and it's my therapy. </p><p>If you are not aware and you're reading this blog - my wife Laura was diagnosed with Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer around the beginning of July. It sounds terrifying and it most certainly is, but it's much more than that. Those words have been engrained in our heads for so long, they depict a death sentence. But as I am learning along the way, in todays world that is not always so. The modern medicine and science available today is remarkable and life is not over with the diagnosis. A new life begins, life with cancer. Stage 4 only means by definition that the cancer has spread from its origin to another place in the body. That can mean one other spot or all over the body. Luckily in Laura's case, it meant one other spot. The tumor started in her pancreas and she has many tiny tumors that have taken form in her liver. They're so small they cannot be counted. The tumor in her pancreas is the origin and it's pretty big for that organ. When we asked the doctors how long this has been going on they replied 8 to 10 years. No symptoms, no blood test markers, nothing. Laura and I have an excellent doctor and have check ups every year, but pancreatic cancer is one of the worst to early diagnose. There are simply no symptoms until it's pretty late in the game. Luckily for Laura she began having pancreatitis and that lead to the discovery of the tumor. It was not caught early by any means, but there is still enough time to do aggressive chemotherapy treatment in hopes to eradicate the smaller tumors in her liver and hopefully shrink the tumor in her pancreas. As of now they do not believe it is possible to remove the pancreatic tumor as it has attached itself to arteries. But if they can shrink it in size she will stop having pancreatitis and if they can keep it from spreading further she can live with it. She's lived with it almost ten years already with no pain or suffering, the hope is to get it back to the size when she never knew it was there. Her team of doctors most certainly believe this is possible given her age and that is she is very healthy. But she may never be in remission, she may just live with cancer like someone lives with diabetes. She would get breaks from the chemo when the treatments have worked well and might be able to do pill form chemo when necessary or immunotherapies. Of course, if the treatments all work well, who knows what is possible. We are all very positive she will pull through this and kick cancers ass. She is a fighter and has a lot to live for and is certainly not giving up. She has a wonderful attitude and doesn't feel sorry for herself or cry "why me", she just takes it as it comes one day at a time. She's had a rough go this summer with many other set backs but I am happy to report that she's just had one of the best weeks yet and is really doing much better.</p><p>People have been wonderful all over the world. The outpouring of love and support is astounding. None of the well wishes goes unnoticed and we are truly thankful. Our family and our friends have been by our side since the beginning and continue to come to the house to clean and cook and make sure Laura has everything needs, especially when I need to be working. And I need to be working. Many people think I would quit touring and working and stay home to care for Laura, but that is simply not what is in the best interest of our family and certainly not what Laura wants. She will be retiring soon from teaching to be able to focus full time on her health and recovery and that will mean an income loss for the family. With all of the help and support we have from family and friends here at home, the last thing Laura wants is to think she is causing a financial burden on the family. She wants everything to stay as normal as possible for the kids and the family. She does not want me to stay home and stare at her 24 hours a day, she is not like that and never has been. This is why we always made such a perfect team - we both have careers and lives and we support one another. Our family is the center of our lives, it's what matters most to us. Laura will also not just stay home and lay around, she's not able to do that, she's a worker. She will continue to run the office for Gulf Coast Records. Shipping orders, doing inventory, and accounting. My touring schedule has been pulled back now that summer is over and I have made a decision to not be gone for more than a few weeks at a time. I want to be home to help with the girls and spend my time with my wife, but I still have to work. Many people have offered to start a Go Fund Me for my family or a benefit for Laura but we have thankfully declined each time. While the thought is generous and loving, we don't feel it is necessary. Luckily we have very good insurance because Laura is a school teacher. Yes we have medical bills to pay, but our deductible is manageable compared to the actual cost of her care. I am also able to continue to work to provide for my family and I will do so unless the time comes when I am absolutely needed to be home full time - we are hopeful this is never necessary. God forbid we are told that time is limited at some point, I will be home to spend every second with my beautiful wife, but we are absolutely praying this not be the case. </p><p>People ask me "How are you doing?" - I say I am doing pretty good. I think I am doing pretty good... I don't really have any other experience in this matter to base off, but compared to how well I have done in the face of adversity in my life, I would say I am doing pretty good. When I was drinking and using drugs I would look for any excuse to run off and get loaded, but today that doesn't really cross my mind at all. So that to me is pretty good. I have certainly had my share of crying and feeling mad and angry and uncertain but as we continue day by day those feelings have drifted away. Thats what you feel when it's all still new. I call them "hurdles" - you jump through hurdles you didn't think you'd ever have to jump through. You jump through one and think thats it and then another one comes your way and its even harder than the last one but you jump through it and keep moving forward and eventually you start think there are no hurdles you cannot jump through. I have learned that this is our life now, life with cancer. Thats just the way it is, but it is life nonetheless. Laura is still here and she's not going anywhere anytime soon. I will take any life I can with Laura, because it's better than no life with her at all. It was very hard at first but as we learn more and more about the process of her treatments and see that she is feeling better than she was a few weeks ago, it all becomes "normal" again. I also have an amazing support team on my side. My sponsor and my recovery family check on me everyday and remind me to take care of myself too. I pray and meditate and exercise and give myself a break. I have really enjoyed playing my guitar and my music and being onstage more than ever. The music feels deeper to me and every note counts. I love spending time with my band mates and my friends and seeing all of the fans. They come and shower love on me and I know I am not alone. Life is much sweeter today than it was just a few months ago - it all counts. Laura and I are so grateful and thankful for everything we have and every minute we get to spend together and with our family - living with cancer has been a blessing in this way - it opens your eyes and your heart to what matters most in life.</p><p>The future looks bright. I am excited to head into the studio next week with my brother Albert Castiglia and the boys in the band along with Joe Bonamassa and Josh Smith to make the first ever "Blood Brothers" album. This band has been so special for me right now. It's so fun to make music with Albert and just play my guitar. I believe we will make an excellent album. It's very special for me because it gives me a break from being "Mike Zito". I get to be in the band, one of the guys. I don't have to write songs that are too personal right now or about this experience I am going through - I am not ready to do that, it's too new for me. We are recording some great blues and rock songs that are fun and energetic. I can focus on playing guitar and singing and making a great album - I know with Joe and Josh on our side - they will push us past our own boundaries and bring out the absolute best in myself and Albert.</p><p>So - life with cancer is pretty good...considering. It's always there. We try and spend as many moments as we can not thinking about it - but we are always reminded. Laura doesn't want to spend every minute of everyday talking about her cancer or thinking about it - she wants to live and laugh and enjoy. She wants to stay busy as much as she can and she wants me to play my music. I follow her lead.</p><p>Thank you all for the love and support and prayers - keep them coming! We pray for full healing for Laura.</p><p>Peace, Love, Zito</p>Zitohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11128237945028788846noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5934720062989923689.post-19250082048252849362022-03-14T06:12:00.004-07:002022-03-14T06:22:38.508-07:00You can't keep it unless you give it away<span> </span>I am currently drinking coffee and enjoying the silence of the house. <div><div>It won't be silent for long. Wind chimes on the back patio are really active this morning.</div><div>This is my favorite part of the day, the calm before the storm.</div><div>This is spring break week here in Nederland, Tx. The girls and Laura are off of school and I have managed to be home and not working to spend the week with them. The Nederland Heritage Festival is this week, which is a big deal around here. Lots of rides, food and festivities - it's a good time in a small town.</div><div><br /></div><div><span> </span>Really this week is the calm before the storm.</div><div>We head out next week on the first "Blood Brothers Tour" with Albert Castiglia and his band. It's a massive 3 and a half week tour of the midwest to the northeast of the US. 21 shows on the first leg of the tour, 10 days off and another 19 shows. 40 shows in total between next week and the end of May.</div><div>It's the first ever Gulf Coast Records event tour. We had this idea right away in 2019 but the pandemic of course stopped us in our tracks. It's exciting and will be a lot of work for us all. Two bands on the road together, it will be eventful I assume. So this week is my last week of time home and off to just hang out, go to bed early or stay up late playing games with the girls. </div><div><br /></div><div> <span> </span>Our mantra for this tour (and really every tour) is to "Bring the Joy".</div><div>We are out there to be of service to the fans and our friends. Play our hearts out all with the hopes that people leave the show feeling better than when they got there. That is always the plan when doing a show. If the audience has a great time, we have a great time. Most often the audience lifts us up. We get tired and cranky from traveling and miss home but the fans show up and give us strength and hope and bring us the joy. In return we can do the same for them. It's a beautiful thing that we are all addicted to, the constant sharing of joy and happiness to be alive and make music. It all sounds a little corny, but it's true. Every musician I know will agree with me. The audience lifts us up, we give back and lift up the audience. It's a bond that can never be replaced by technology - it has to be felt in human contact together. It is the transfer of energy. The transfer must happen, it can't stop without a return address. When one party is always giving and the other is always taking, the flow will end. </div><div><br /></div><div><span> </span>There is an old saying in recovery "You can't keep it unless you give it away".</div><div>It's one of those sayings that seem contradictory. Like "You have to surrender to win". They don't always make sense to a selfish person. It takes time to wear that selfishness off and learn to become selfless. Thats a lifetime challenge. Take it from me, I was the most selfish person there ever was. For over 30 years all I gave a shit about was me and what I wanted and needed and deserved. I did not give at all, I took. I took and stole and cried and pitched a fit when I did not get what I wanted. It's taken years to change that pattern of thinking and living. There is a reason a selfish person is always unhappy, because the energy stops with them. They do not give it away, they only take it from others. The joy is not passing through them and the true benefit of joy is to pass it on. I have learned over the years that if I want my dreams to come true I have to help others achieve their dreams first. When I help enough people achieve their dreams unbelievably my dreams just happen. Because my dreams become helping others. In return I get whatever I want, and mostly I want others to be happy. When I lower my personal expectations it's much easier to be happy with any outcome. I don't worry about things today, I assume they will work out and they always work out. </div><div><br /></div><div><span> So, I'm and going to make a dream come true for myself now and have another cup of coffee. This house will get loud soon and the silence will be gone until tomorrow at this time. I need the caffeine to cope with the loud noises :)</span><br /></div><div><span><br /></span></div><div><span>Peace, Love, Zito</span></div><div><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEixYbVNg9sIzcg0cf17Zr4fuTl9xBG76cUedTn2yJlaeMZqKNp3SV4VsENmOi8GcaUNWRD5wiQJbAvSCRMB3sPGGDFNgd9o--n7J-acYjhd0KzEV6r2WNai2m-RaIyTMov4T3kASJcU8GoLeNwcp97wYCKagh1rqehQVj2P4NzlczoIjoV6QtEdU5HbGA" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEixYbVNg9sIzcg0cf17Zr4fuTl9xBG76cUedTn2yJlaeMZqKNp3SV4VsENmOi8GcaUNWRD5wiQJbAvSCRMB3sPGGDFNgd9o--n7J-acYjhd0KzEV6r2WNai2m-RaIyTMov4T3kASJcU8GoLeNwcp97wYCKagh1rqehQVj2P4NzlczoIjoV6QtEdU5HbGA" width="240" /></a></div></div>Zitohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11128237945028788846noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5934720062989923689.post-12196424378348882732022-03-02T04:32:00.005-08:002022-03-02T04:44:01.495-08:00Fat Face<p> So let me be perfectly clear here........I am NOT writing this blog for all of you to coddle me and tell me how beautiful I am and pat me on the back and say it's ok.....LOL. I am writing this blog because I think most people relate and might get something from my experience and maybe a few laughs.</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgzKLlwjZ0PBdC-G1YzsH7XiUw-Ggsb0LJGwARS0KvIWd5BQv208R6OwDiXs-ZBYODftKnA6lYYLIjRu7xmfOB_AB1idVoEg_9e6O5ecnTdKsK42lYdgaF52TcW1yKygkSahzJWK8JOfhG3wy0yISrHLsjt0_Yea4-62pp1-sjvtcdZfU3Ehf2CTH6tfQ" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="690" data-original-width="869" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgzKLlwjZ0PBdC-G1YzsH7XiUw-Ggsb0LJGwARS0KvIWd5BQv208R6OwDiXs-ZBYODftKnA6lYYLIjRu7xmfOB_AB1idVoEg_9e6O5ecnTdKsK42lYdgaF52TcW1yKygkSahzJWK8JOfhG3wy0yISrHLsjt0_Yea4-62pp1-sjvtcdZfU3Ehf2CTH6tfQ" width="302" /></a></div> Me, circa 1989, balloon tits and all. Photo credit Kurt Reese :)<br /><br /><p></p><p>Hi, my name is Mike and I have a fat face.</p><p>Yes, yes I do. I always have and probably always will. I am a 51 year old man who has a beautiful wife and family and none of this should really matter in the big picture of life. BUT.....it bothers me, always. My mother was short and beautiful and a little chubby let's say, not obese at all. My father was usually in pretty good shape his whole life being in the military and working all of the time. They were both short people. My mother's face was very round.....my face is round as well. We lived in a 5 room apartment in a 4 family flat and were not wealthy to say the least. My parents were much older than me and they grew up more poor than we ever imagined, especially my mother. My mother was raised in Ashland, Missouri and they had a dirt floor. They had cardboard on the ground or old linoleum but underneath was dirt....they were dirt poor. The most important thing to my parents was that we had food and that we ate everyday, that is literally all that mattered. We ate the worst everyday 70's style food there was - processed white bread, soda, ice cream, miracle whip, sugar, bologna, hot dogs, headcheese, potato chips....all the good shit! Of course my mother cooked and we had good meals in the evenings and on the weekends she would make a big Italian dinner with spaghetti and.....meatballs, neck bones, pigs feet - any meat would do. Pigs feet and spaghetti was my absolute favorite meal when I was a kid, I loved it! </p><p>My mother constantly fed me - peanut butter and sugar sandwiches, miracle whip sandwiches, salami and cheese on wonderbread.....it tasted great, but not the most nutritious of foods. My dad would always take me to the Italian Import store on Saturdays and we would get olives, Volpi salami, pepperoni, cheese and really good Italian bakery bread.......this was and still is my all time favorite foods. My parents were older and I was like a grandchild with grandparents. We ate ALL the time. It's no surprise that I was a big kid. I was born 10 pounds and never stopped growing. I was bigger than most of the kids in the neighborhood and in school. I went to Catholic school my entire life and from 1st to 8th grade I had to wear a uniform. The uniform was a light blue button down short sleeve shirt and dark blue trousers. They sold these uniforms at Sears on Grand ave in south St. Louis. I was too big to fit into the normal size uniforms. SO...Sears had a lovely section in the boys department called "HUSKY"......thats where I got my school uniform. I had to wear HUSKY for 8 years straight. When I was a kid I didn't really care at first until I started getting called "Fat" and "Chubby" and "Big Boy" and "Tubby"......then I realized that the Sears section "HUSKY" was just another word for FAT Boys LOL!!!<br /></p><p>Look, I won't bore you with all of the details of my fairly boring Catholic Italian South St. Louis life, let's just say I ate WAY too much, I ate a lot of SHIT food, and I was always the Fat Funny kid in school. It took me years into my 20's to develop an exercise routine and learn to eat better foods. Getting out of the house and around others made a big difference. But no matter what I did or how hard I worked at it, I always had a FAT Face. A big round, chubby cheeked, Dago Fat Face. </p><p>Throughout the years I have developed what I would call a fairly normal eating disorder. I eat whatever I want until I hate myself so much that I will do something about it, then I don't eat anything for a period of time and lose some weight....enough weight to get to the point where I feel like I can eat anything I want and put all the weight back on again in a few months. Sound familiar? I know this is true, so over the years I have really tried hard to break this cycle. I have really learned to just eat moderately and stay away from most shit food when I can, it works and it's less of a roller coaster. Into my 40's and now 50's I am much more stable in my diet and exercise and really kind of stay in a ballpark weight range. But as I continue to get older, losing 5 or 10 pounds is NOT easy at all. It requires more and more exercise and eating less and less food. Most people don't really notice 5 pounds on me, my wife can never tell....but I can. It's in my BIG FAT FACE! I have made my way into a musical career which is awesome, but in the 21st century everyone and their brother LOVES to take pictures and videos of everything we do onstage - (which is awesome btw) but also a bit of a nightmare the next day when all of the pics are posted online. My first reaction is always "JESUS....that is a fucking fat face". I try and make it a joke and laugh or just let it go and realize it's nothing important........but I would be lying if I told you that it didn't bother me. It does bother me. It gets under my skin. I get this underlying feeling of dread and disgust. I see those pictures and think "thats not what I feel like inside" - I feel good inside and strong and excited, but seeing those pictures start to take that feeling away. I start to feel miserable and dull and not happy. Yuck. Why would anyone pay to come see that fat face play music? Disgusting!! (said in a Silvio Dante accent).</p><p>Obviously, I do my best to get over myself and be grateful I am healthy and very very blessed. I remind myself that the camera adds 50 pounds and the angle of the photographs are from 20 feet below and thats why I have 4 chins. But sometimes I get a little bummed about it all. So I tell my wife and she reassures me I look fine and I should give myself a break. So I do. I start to watch what I eat a little more and work harder in the gym. But the bottom line is - I think I look fat when I weigh 175 pounds and I think I look fat when I weigh 200 pounds. I think Sears might have traumatized me in the HUSKY section. </p><p>so, to recap - PLEASE do NOT write comments telling me I am NOT fat and that I should love myself and how wonderful I am - That is NOT what I am looking for here. I wanted to share with you how I feel sometimes and I am pretty sure a lot of my friends and maybe fellow entertainers understand. It's a touchy subject and I think I need to remind myself that how I feel inside is the most important feeling. I have to say, most of the time I feel real good inside. Maybe, I need to stop looking at all of the pictures and videos of myself and lose some of the narcissism. That's probably the best thing we could all do. I also need to just accept the fact that I have a FAT FACE.....always have, always will. It's the face God made for Italian Aunts to grab both cheeks and squeeze the bejeezus out of!</p><p>I hope you had a good laugh and maybe you'll feel better today about yourself, we're all in this together.</p><p><br /></p><p>Peace, Love...Zito</p><p><br /></p>Zitohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11128237945028788846noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5934720062989923689.post-78498002600853346312022-02-25T03:02:00.001-08:002022-02-25T03:02:17.751-08:00Getting Older<p> I know it's been a minute since I have made a post, but I promise I am trying hard to get back into a groove of posting thoughts and sharing stories. The blog is on my mind as I tour because so many people from all around the globe tell me how much they enjoy it and want more. Sometimes I just don't know what to write, but I think I just need to start writing again and it will start pouring out.</p><p>We have all been through so much the past few years. Stuck inside or cutoff from family and friends and so many people have passed away from Covid. It's been hard on us all. We have lost dear family and friends, but not all to Coronavirus. Many were getting older and had health issues, some were sick for long periods of time with other health issues. I think having so much time to spend contemplating has given me an opportunity to realize how fragile life really is in this world. When we are always on the go, you just keep going. But with all the time we have had to ourselves, there was more time for grieving....which I believe is good. When my parents passed away, I was always in the middle of work and raising my own kids and I don't think I had the time to really process the loss. It came back to haunt me in other ways down the road. I was angry for no reason, depressed and sometimes just didn't give a shit about much. But with this gift of time to grieve the losses and the setbacks, I think the anger and resentment is put aside. A lot of the time I will hear my wife, Laura, say "So and so died.....it's so sad, it's like everyone we know is dying". I tell her it's not "like" everyone is dying, everyone IS dying. WE are getting older and the older we get, the more people we know will be passing away, unless we go first. It's only going to continue to happen more and more if we are given the gift for another day above ground. Thats life.</p><p>My father was almost 50 years older than me. When I was 13 years old he retired and was in his sixties. I remember he spent most of his retirement going to funerals and wakes of all of his buddies that passed away. They would go and get drunk and celebrate their friend's life. That was mostly his social life that I can remember for all of my life. He was always happy to be the one still standing and drinking with his other friends. He missed the ones that moved on, but he was grateful it wasn't him. I think that is a good lesson. I remember my father always saying to me "Michael, you worry too much". That means so much to me now. My father survived WWII, saw a lot of action and was telling me that life is short and I should try and enjoy it while it lasted. </p><p>I genuinely try and live by those words today. I try not to worry about much that is out of my control. I do my best to make sure my family is taken care of, that I try and stay healthy so I can continue to be a good father and husband and provide for my loved ones. I try to my best with my work and make it all count. But at the end of the day I think about what I could've done better and I give myself a break, I'll try harder tomorrow. Of course I get concerned with world events and Covid and everything the world is throwing at us, but at a some point I have to let it all go and leave it up to God. I cannot change the world events, but I can change my attitude toward life and bring some joy to my family and friends. I have faith that life will work itself out. I have not been let down yet. </p><p>When I lose a loved one or a good friend, it hurts and it makes me sad, like anyone else. But ultimately I realize that I am getting older and thats what happens when people get older, they die. People get sick and leave us too young, it's tragic and painful. Life hurts. But I am still here for some reason and I have to continue to live. Those that have passed on would want it that way. My father would be telling me to stop worrying and live your life, it's short. </p><p>I am getting older, we all are. I can age gracefully or fight it. I think I will try to be as graceful as possible. I am thankful for another day above ground and I will make sure to not worry so much and try and bring some joy to those around me.</p><p><br /></p><p>Peace, Love, Zito</p>Zitohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11128237945028788846noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5934720062989923689.post-66341926770609463202021-12-14T05:06:00.003-08:002021-12-14T05:26:18.681-08:00Give it what you got<p> I know it's been a while since I have written a new entry. It seems I am always on the go and don't have as much time to get to my thoughts and feelings down on this imaginary paper. But I do take time everyday to be quiet and pray and get my head clear for the day ahead. </p><p>We are out on the road right now and so happy to be working again. The band sounds fantastic and everyone is in a good mood. People are beginning to get back out and enjoy live music and it's really a wonderful feeling. After so much time apart, we are finally together again and the energy is electric. A lot of people come up to me and tell me "Man, you are on fire tonight! I haven't seen this side of you in a long time!" I try to explain to them that we are just excited to be playing music, which is true.....</p><p>But, I have had a lot of time to reflect over the past few years of Covid, I assume we all have. I had many days when I asked myself what the hell I was doing with my life. What does this all mean? I might have decided to stay home with my family for good and just make music a hobby. I was unsure that the world would ever get back to normal again. Then the 2021 Blues Music Awards came along and I was nominated for two major categories, and then I won both. I was with my family and friends celebrating my wife's birthday and we all watched the awards together. It was exciting and the pride in my wife's face and the joy in my daughters was overwhelming. I have been gone most of my life and they have all learned to live with me not there all of the time. These awards meant more to my family than to myself. I am not a proud man, I feel like I get lucky and most certainly all of the artists nominated are equally deserving. But this proved to me that what I do means something and the acknowledgement of my work made my family very proud. It means I am not just gone working to them, it means more. </p><p>I also turned 51 this year and realized I am no longer just "50"....I am IN my 50s! So what am I doing? There is no time to mess around anymore, this is it. Sometimes I feel like I am an observer. I watch the band play with the audience and I critique myself harshly while doing so. That has to stop, now! Life is happening before my eyes and I need to take part in it every moment. I finally began letting go and playing what I felt in the moment, and I feel excited. I believe my energy level is at a new high and I am not backing down. This is it, it's now or never. Life is for the living and I am not going to watch my life go by anymore. </p><p>Sorry it has taken a minute t get back to blogging, but I spoke with a few friends this tour and they encouraged me to continue writing and sharing, I will try my best to keep up!</p><p>Peace, Love, Zito</p>Zitohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11128237945028788846noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5934720062989923689.post-88586705355672806592021-08-05T05:47:00.004-07:002021-08-05T05:54:53.723-07:00Too much is never enough<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNc1xQdHwyd3I1VoI1Z7YD-pO9hiqY3CwIEfXoLtKRS6RiJCFoI9BtHyNcO1PieVH77I1N-uC9HBOxKJYktsj3ImWW3hsLP6YDd_Duw9Qv9SUBhl3pPzrm4uNHyJWZr8520TcfnRM8a5a6/s2048/TITO_JACKSON_UNDER_YOUR_SPELL_COVER.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="2048" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNc1xQdHwyd3I1VoI1Z7YD-pO9hiqY3CwIEfXoLtKRS6RiJCFoI9BtHyNcO1PieVH77I1N-uC9HBOxKJYktsj3ImWW3hsLP6YDd_Duw9Qv9SUBhl3pPzrm4uNHyJWZr8520TcfnRM8a5a6/s320/TITO_JACKSON_UNDER_YOUR_SPELL_COVER.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /> <p></p><p>So.....lots going on, always.</p><p>We are in the middle of a huge record label campaign for our Tito Jackson release "Under Your Spell". It comes out tomorrow August 6th on Gulf Coast Records here in the USA. It's a BIG deal for sure. The Jackson 5 was one of my main musical inspirations when I was just a youngster. We have a video thats hitting today for his single "Love One Another" that is just way over the top. We have pulled out all of the stops on this one for sure. The video features Tito singing and playing guitar with his band and cameos from all of the Jackson family: Marlon, Jackie, Germaine, Janet, Latoya, Kim Kardashian, Chloe Kardashian, Magic Johnson, Chris Tucker, and so many other wonderful people sharing the message to stop the hate and "Love One Another". Who would've thought this is what we would be doing when I was 50 years old? Not me!</p><p>During this past year I have had ample time to make changes and work on myself. I assume we all have :) One of the things I noticed was that I had WAY too much shit. Like too many clothes, too many guitars, too many guitar amps, too much of everything. I was hoarding more or less because I could. When I began touring hard with RSB I began a process of buying guitars with my pal Devon Allman. We were always on the road and always getting paid and always wanting something new to show off. We would almost try to outdo each other and see what we could show up with next. Then we would get bored and buy each others guitars. It was fun and exciting. I also began to give guitars away, a lesson I learned from Anders Osborne. He told me we need to keep buying guitars and then give guitars away to people who need them. In return more guitars seem to keep pouring in from all directions. I love to give away gear. People think you are such a wonderful person when you give stuff to other people, but to me I am the one that is gifted the most with the opportunity to see someone happy. The Universe continues to put stuff in my path so long as I give it away. </p><p>Well, with an entire year off, I had a chance to reevaluate my hoarding. Sophie and I counted guitars last March and the number was 57. I had 57 guitars.That is ridiculous. I can barely play one! So I began selling them and trading them and giving them away. I started to get this feeling I was not playing as well as I could and I needed to be learning more and studying and practicing rather than buying and hoarding. There was plenty of time in my life when I was lucky to own ONE guitar. I never stopped playing that one guitar. I held it night and day, it was everything to me. But that feeling had changed. I never knew what guitar to play or which one I liked. I just messed around all the time and never really got anything done. Since I was out of work for most of the year, those guitars I had hoarded came in extremely helpful. I would sell two or three a month and that would help pay the bills. I began letting go of what I did not need and deciding what I could never part with. I played the guitars that meant the most to me and a lot of the time they were not the most expensive. They had a story, they were from Laura or a friend. Maybe one of them was a guitar I used on an album or a tour that I remembered fondly. </p><p>As of yesterday I have 15 guitars. I like almost everyone of them, most I love. I will still buy a new one here or there or mess around, cause that is fun, but I have decided if I don't play it and it does not serve a purpose, it has to go. The same with clothes and shoes and STUFF. This is all part of a pattern that goes back to my childhood. I grew up poor and we never had anything. In the end I realize that none of this stuff matters. It's the music that matters, the love. My family and friends matter and you matter. I will almost certainly continue to enjoy a new guitar now and then, that way I have something to keep giving away to anyone who needs a guitar. The difference is I don't need anything, or not as much as I did a year ago. It's a lesson I have truly enjoyed learning, getting back to basics. I see that maybe I have another 20-30 years on this planet and I don't want to waste my time consuming, I want to give and enjoy. I try to give everyday whenever I can. I don't care if others don't, I don't judge anyone. I save my money for my family to give my children and grandchildren (maybe someday) when I leave this place. I am not chasing anything anymore, I have all that I could ever want or need. I want to expand my music and my growth, but that doesn't require a lot of stuff.</p><p>Tomorrow "Under Your Spell" is released by Tito Jackson on Gulf Coast Records. Please order a copy, download digitally or listen to it on a streaming service. It's a wonderful record!</p><p>Peace, Love, Zito</p>Zitohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11128237945028788846noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5934720062989923689.post-36580077422040421782021-06-07T08:18:00.001-07:002021-06-07T08:18:09.509-07:00VERY THANKFUL<p> I get a lot of requests for a new blog and I think the reason I have been so slow is mostly because I am lazy these days :)</p><p>Maybe not....I think I got turned off for a minute when I shared some recovery last summer and one fan got mad at me and thought it was political in nature. That made me think you really can't share much anymore without someone being an asshole. But I should not let one asshole ruin it for the rest of us. I am thankful I have folks that want to hear from me. </p><p>So....it was quite a weekend. Laura celebrated her birthday with 3 nights of parties, which was really fun. She had a blast and that makes me super happy. We had friends over for the first time since the start of the pandemic yesterday to play dominoes and watch the Blues Music Awards. It was sheer delight to win with a house full of my closest peeps. They all cheered when I won and I was of course over the moon. Laura was just beaming all day. Like I always say, I do not make music to win awards. It's very nice to be recognized, but there is always someone else that is just or more deserving. These contests are based on popularity and I am thankful people like me and my music. I am mostly happy for Laura and my family. They are the real winners of these accolades. They have to deal with me being gone all the time, consumed with the work of booking, selling, writing, and having to share me with the world. <br />They miss me, but always support me. I believe winning a prestigious award like the BMA is for my family. They get a chance to share in the pride and know that all of the work we do and the time we spend on this music is worth more than money.</p><p>I am most thankful to my band members who work very hard to make the music feel and sound so good. They are the unsung heroes. They have to deal with me and my demanding ways, and for some reason they keep chugging along. Not all of them, but the ones that have stuck around :) a HUGE thanks to the superstar roster we had on this album!!! I had a long list of people I wanted to perform on this album and most of them said yes and came through in spades. Some passed on the offer and some just never got back to me. It's a process to corral 21 guitar players to turn in guitar parts and vocals for an album on time. Nevertheless, our guests are the best in the biz and they made this album such a treat. </p><p>HUGE THANKS to my friend Charles Berry and his super talented son, Charlie Berry and the Berry family. Charles gave me his blessing to run with this project and Charlie stepped up and really delivered on the opening track "St. Louis Blues". To have Charlie playing with me and both of us playing tribute to his grandfather and to our hometown will go down in the books for me. Thanks to Rip Kastaris for making the album cover so beautiful - it's the icing on the cake for sure.</p><p>Finally - this album would be absolutely NOTHING without the timeless music of the KING of Rock n Roll, Chuck Berry!!!!!! HE is the one that wrote all of these amazing songs and lyrics. HE is the one who played all of these super guitar licks that we are all trying to copy. This album is a TRIBUTE to Chuck Berry - not Mike Zito. I am just the lucky sob that gets to play his songs and work with all of these great folks.</p><p>Thanks to all of the fans and friends who voted for me this year. Congratulations to ALL of the nominees who are all SUPER badasses. I voted for Tinsley Ellis! </p><p>I am a VERY lucky man who gets to do what he loves....and drink kickass coffee everyday!</p><p><br /></p><p>Peace, Love, Zito</p>Zitohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11128237945028788846noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5934720062989923689.post-39051422844930653302020-11-26T06:40:00.004-08:002020-11-26T07:09:36.181-08:00Everyday I have the blues....<p><br /></p><p> "Everyday, everyday I have the blues. If you see me worrying woman, it's you I hate to lose." Poetry from the great B.B. King. </p><p>I turned 50 years old last week, something I am damn proud of. I was certain I would not live this long. I made terrible choices and lived life like there was no tomorrow. I was selfish, self-centered and insecure. I often dreamed of dying "high" so I would not have to deal with the mess I had made of my life. But...that never happened. God had a plan. (Insert whatever God you like.) It may sound a little corny, but it's true. I was not meant to die at 32 years old, strung out on the streets. I tried, I just wouldn't die. I finally sobered up accepting the idea that I would not play music again. To me, music needed suffering in order to have any substance. Soon I found out sobriety made me a real songwriter, a true artist. I hadn't really been feeling much before that, I was just drunk and high. In sobriety I had to deal with my feelings head on. Now I was truly suffering :) What I mean to say is that after 17 years of recovery and sobriety from drugs and alcohol I realize now more than ever that we are all suffering. Life is suffering. Our bodies are deteriorating every second of every day that we walk this planet. We can take good care of ourselves, but we are dying nonetheless. We are all suffering the same - from the rich to the poor - top to the bottom.....no one makes it out alive. Of course, some suffer immeasurably more due to circumstances of poverty, abuse, mental health, physical health....but everyone is suffering the human experience. I really do not need to add anymore suffering to this life, it is painful at best. I get joy from my family, my loved ones, my friends. I get joy from food, sex, music, art, and so on - like everyone else. The huge difference that has taken place in my years of sobriety is peace of mind. My spiritual life has taken hold and now leads the way. I pray everyday, all day. My day is one continual prayer of gratitude. I am thankful for my blessings and I am thankful for my suffering. It sounds crazy, but when I am thankful for "everything" in my day - including the painful parts, the stress, the drama - I understand it is part of a bigger picture and when I turn it over to trust my spirit and trust in my Higher Power I realize I am not alone. This isn't happening to "Me" - it's happening to all of us, all of the time. We are connected and we suffer together. This moment of time we are sharing is ours. When you consider how long this planet has been here, how long humans have existed and how long they will continue to exist - our time here is minute. It is nothing.....but it is ours. That is why we believe the world revolves around us, because we are here right now. Those that came before us felt the same way and those that will be here after we are long gone.....will feel the same way as well. This is our time. Our time to suffer, our time to be thankful. Life will end and everyone we know will die. But we are here right now together and that is incredible. We can cover this experience with drugs and alcohol and hate and anger or we can be open to the experience and live again like there is no tomorrow. My life now is one continual prayer of gratitude. My spirit is leading the way and I am along for the ride.</p><p>Life is joyful when I am thankful. Everyday I have the blues, and I am loving every minute of It.</p><p>Happy Thanksgiving - Peace, Love, Zito</p>Zitohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11128237945028788846noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5934720062989923689.post-54739036386039068782020-09-15T06:58:00.001-07:002020-09-15T06:58:37.084-07:00Inside Job<p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 12px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"> It's been a minute, but I have been quiet for a reason.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 12px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">I decided to take a break from socializing so much on social media. With all of the craziness surrounding the Pandemic and the craziness with Social Injustice and political division......I just stopped. I needed a reset. I look but I do not comment. It's kind of like going to the candy store but making no purchases. Every time I had the urge to comment….</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 12px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">I asked myself: Does this help? Is it important that I get involved?<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 12px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Turns out the answer is a big NO. It's not important at all. I am not important and neither is my opinion on anything. It's been a wonderful lesson that has brought me much peace. It is not that I do not care or I do not have feelings about certain subjects, it's that if I keep them to myself I feel much better. I cannot make anyone change, only I can change. Another reason I have not written my Blog for a minute is that the last few entries brought about folks thinking I was writing with political motivation, which is simply not true.The last entry I had a man tell me I was a Narcissist and that he would begin unfollowing me. I believe because my entry might have been taken politically, not spiritually. Again, I realize now I cannot make everyone happy. Whats interesting is that my writings about spirituality might make someone believe I am imposing my political belief on them.....that is interesting. It means to me that their particular political belief is possibly infringed by spiritual principles?<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 12px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Which brings a good point. If Spiritual Principles of living life on Earth rub me the wrong way...I am the problem. I have the problem. Spiritual Principles should not make me angry. For the record - I do NOT believe anyone person's political beliefs define their Spiritual beliefs. I would assume, for the most part, almost everyone wants the same things out of life: Happiness. We might have different views of how that is achieved but at the end of the day we want to be happy, free and left alone to raise our children and love our families. Living a Spiritual life is an "inside job". It takes time and constant commitment to do the right thing. Sometimes I need time to reflect on my actions and words to decide what I can do without. Like writing a good song - I trim the fat. What is necessary to tell the story and what is not. I have to say I am feeling better than ever. I do not watch news very much - just enough to know whats shaking and I tend to my day. I highly suggest you try for yourself. Take a break from the social medias and take a walk, read a book, meditate, play some games with your family. It is so much better - at least for me it is.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 12px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Of course - I will be sharing this post on Social Media - so thats a bit hypocritical - but I think you understand. Moderation is best.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 12px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Thats really all I have right now. Please be safe and healthy and wear a mask.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 12px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Peace, Love, Zito</span></p>Zitohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11128237945028788846noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5934720062989923689.post-19846954612167318042020-07-02T08:56:00.001-07:002020-07-02T09:03:24.460-07:00I believe<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUvEIELmEpJ48Q50cS7RvURu92GOSbYrXKfu7-KJJ4AwHUiws8VZqrgrJrRTSYPcITbZ2j2em2IEzVKNvllC4gXTakq-O7is5wJ5kq99c76SzSvqen1GPybezaTaCt2mJM1g88GFcIJsKG/s1600/EFY6NuwUEAA0qUz.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="196" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUvEIELmEpJ48Q50cS7RvURu92GOSbYrXKfu7-KJJ4AwHUiws8VZqrgrJrRTSYPcITbZ2j2em2IEzVKNvllC4gXTakq-O7is5wJ5kq99c76SzSvqen1GPybezaTaCt2mJM1g88GFcIJsKG/s320/EFY6NuwUEAA0qUz.jpg" width="320" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
"Statue of Belief"<br />
<br />
I believe<br />
<br />
What a seriously powerful statement.<br />
<br />
Belief: <span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "roboto" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">an acceptance that a statement is true or that something exists.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "roboto" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
I was given many beliefs when I was born. They were not my own beliefs,<br />
they were thrust upon me by my family, my community, my religion, my time in history.<br />
Thats the way things were and I accepted them like a good boy.<br />
Some of those beliefs have stood the test of time, many have not.<br />
My conditioning (and yours as well) becomes a form of mental illness.<br />
I did not experience much of life early on and apply the results of that experience<br />
to decide what I believed. I believed what I was told and taught and applied my belief<br />
to my experiences before they took place. We all have done this....it's human nature.<br />
<br />
In fact, I was certain up to the age of 33 that I had little choice in my belief or thought process<br />
at all. Thoughts appeared from fear and conditioning and I reacted before anything happened.<br />
Some of us were lucky enough to have woke up years before, or maybe had very caring parents<br />
or siblings that told them not to believe everything they were told.....but a lot of us did not.<br />
<br />
I was under the impression that God was not of my understanding but of someone else's.<br />
Someone that came before me and they told me what to believe and how to believe and<br />
what not to believe. None of that belief was based on my own personal experience at all.<br />
<br />
I use God as the ultimate example. If I went along with a belief in the total and finite God<br />
of all things based on nothing more than people told me thats what I was supposed to believe....<br />
then I probably went along for a lot less as well.<br />
<br />
When I began sobriety and recovery in 2003, I was told I would need to change one thing.....<br />
everything.<br />
<br />
That process has led me down a path of personal experience and personal belief that has changed<br />
my life forever in the most profound way a man can live. I have made my own mind over the past 16 years, something I had never done before. I have made my mind and found that I was wrong, so I changed my mind. As I have walked this narrow path, I have refined my belief over and over.<br />
I think I know something and I realize I was wrong....or I might be wrong, so I then reassess and make new changes. I came to the belief long ago that I do not know anything.<br />
The less I believe I "know" the more open my mind is and I am willing to change my mind.<br />
These days I don't know much and I could not be more happy.<br />
<br />
I do know one thing for certain: 99% of all human beings living on this planet want the exact<br />
same thing in life. They want peace, love and the pursuit of happiness.<br />
So, anytime I see someone spouting off about something I readily disagree with, I stop and remind myself that this is just a human being like myself. They have the right to these conditions as well.<br />
Maybe they're wrong in how they are going about it, maybe I am wrong in how I am perceiving<br />
what they say or do.....but one thing is certain - they want<br />
PEACE, LOVE AND THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS.<br />
<br />
The faster I can see anyone I disagree with as an ally and a human being like myself,<br />
the easier it is for me to have empathy and be open minded.<br />
My mind being open is what is important, not others minds.<br />
I am selfish. I wish happiness and freedom to experience life for all, but I mostly want it for myself.<br />
So I do the work to keep my mind open for me, not for you.<br />
<br />
My beliefs today are not much different than yesterday but a lot different from 16 years ago.<br />
My sincere belief today is that I do not know much.<br />
I don't gather my beliefs from the news, social media, or hearsay.<br />
I gather my beliefs from personal experience and my experience changes everyday.<br />
I cannot make choices today based on yesterdays belief.<br />
<br />
This does NOT mean I don't believe what I am told. I trust people and for the most part I trust the world around me. I am a decent member of society.<br />
I know right from wrong and take living in a community very serious.<br />
<br />
<br />
Today, I will try to be open minded and realize that we are human and somewhat mentally ill<br />
from conditioning. If I stay in the belief that I do not know much, I will learn something new everyday.<br />
<br />
Peace, Love, Zito<br />
<br />
<br />Zitohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11128237945028788846noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5934720062989923689.post-10678651563394039182020-06-01T07:10:00.002-07:002020-06-01T07:10:41.387-07:00A painful processI have been a witness to change first hand.<br />
The type of change that is enduring and lasts a lifetime.<br />
It's not easy and it hurts along the way, but it is possible and most certainly<br />
necessary when you're dealing with life or death circumstances.<br />
When I got clean and sober I was told I needed to change one thing......everything.<br />
I thought they were being funny, but it turns out they were not.<br />
Changing everything means assuming the possibility that everything you have believed<br />
in up until this very moment is a lie, it is not true. Because everything you believed in before<br />
this moment has lead you to this moment, and this moment is in dire need of change.<br />
<br />
It came down to asking myself this kind of questioning:<br />
<br />
Is the sky blue? or is "blue" just the name another man gave for that color and we all agreed<br />
to call that shade of color "blue"....this is the truth. In fact, most people do not see the same color,<br />
but we have all been "taught" that this is the color we shall call this shade so we can communicate with each other.<br />
That means that everything I know was decided by another man long ago and has been readily accepted as the only way and is taught to every boy and girl from thence forward.<br />
It's called "conditioning".<br />
If this was true of one color, it must be true of everything I have ever known.<br />
Applying this logic to God, Love, Wealth, Freedom, Marriage, Parenthood, Racism, Sexism,<br />
drugs, alcohol....would mean that in order for one thing to begin to change, I would need to be willing to change everything.<br />
Sounds daunting and overwhelming, but the next thing they told me was this only had to happen<br />
one day at a time, one hour at a time, one moment at a time.<br />
Rome was not built in one day. All that was necessary for change was the willingness to do so,<br />
that in itself was change. I didn't need to create new words for the color spectrum, the ones in place were fine and thats a worthless cause. But I absolutely could not put alcohol or drugs into my body again and I had to change people, places and things that were related to my drinking and using immediately.<br />
I needed to try and change my mind. When my mind thought of something, I had a reaction.<br />
It was the same reaction for 33 years of life. I had never developed an alternate reaction.<br />
The idea was the next time I thought about using drugs or drinking alcohol, instead of reacting and immediately doing so, I should stop and say the serenity prayer. If I said the prayer long enough and enough times in a row the thought to use or drink would most likely go away....for the time being.<br />
The thought to use or drink would come back again and again and each time I would need to try this new practice over and over and over and over. It would be wonderful to think that God was creating a miracle to end my using and drinking by prayer.....but in actuality, I was changing my mind.<br />
I was creating a new behavior. Eventually after months of putting this new practice to work, the desire to use or drink began to slow down and eventually it was removed from my mind.<br />
I had no idea this was ever possible.<br />
I was of the belief that what entered my mind was out of my control and I was also not responsible<br />
for my reaction. I always thought I was broken, doomed.<br />
But with this new powerful tool, I could most certainly conquer anything that came into my mind<br />
that I wanted rid of, and so it began.<br />
<br />
Not all things changed so easily, some continue to linger on after 16 plus years of sobriety.<br />
What I have found over the years is that some of the behavior I wanted to change was so deep<br />
rooted to a thought process I was not able to detect. I have character defects and flaws that are<br />
connected almost to birth. I have childhood traumas, sexual abuse, religious nightmares, and mental illness that causes anxiety, obsession and compulsion and sometimes depression.<br />
<br />
All of this conditioning was handed down generation by generation.<br />
Until it got to me. I was the faded copy of a copy that was hardly recognizable anymore.<br />
All of these experiences that created this way of thinking was not mine, but given to me by<br />
my parents who got it from their parents and so on and so on......<br />
I did not personally have any of these experiences at all, I just had the by product information<br />
that was passed onto me.<br />
I was so faded, I either had to change and have my own experiences or fade away.<br />
<br />
I began my own experience in life 16 years ago and I continue today.<br />
My beliefs are my beliefs and they change constantly based on my own personal experience.<br />
The truth is what I seek, but it is hidden many times by years and lifetimes of untruth.<br />
Just when I think I know it all, I am reminded I do not know anything.<br />
I must always be ready to change everything. Tradition is overrated and not based in reality.<br />
It is not what it used to be, it is what it is today, and the world changes around me constantly.<br />
<br />
I learned that my bad behavior that continued to show up over the years was tied to a cycle that<br />
I was repeating over and over and expecting a different result.<br />
Once painful enough, I began the steps over again and worked on the behavior to change yet again.<br />
<br />
Everything in this life is a cycle.<br />
We do not move forward until a cycle is broken.<br />
Most often we are not aware that the cycle is of our own doing, we blame others.<br />
But the only fault I am responsible for is my own, I always play a role and my role<br />
will need to change if change is the desired outcome.<br />
<br />
Nothing changes if nothing changes.<br />
Change is painful and heartbreaking, but necessary.<br />
We can do it the hard way or the easier, softer way.<br />
<br />
Let's pray for change today.<br />
Why do we continue to repeat these painful cycles in our own lives and in the life<br />
of our communities and our world around us?<br />
What role do I play and what can I do to change.<br />
When I accept my role, I begin to give myself a break......<br />
when I give myself a break, I give everyone a break.<br />
<br />
The only reason something continues to happen over and over again<br />
is because something has not changed.<br />
<br />
Peace, Love, Zito<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Zitohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11128237945028788846noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5934720062989923689.post-76602905337436898902020-04-11T08:23:00.000-07:002020-04-11T08:26:39.914-07:00Happy Easter PandemicWell......I have had a lot of requests for writing my blog,<br />
and you would think with everything going on I would have a LOT to write about.<br />
But, I have just kind been doing what everyone has been doing....quietly freaking out :)<br />
Seriously, I usually find something to base my entry on here: a spiritual principle, an ethical Idea,<br />
etc.....but I have just been trying to get through each day and not go crazy.<br />
<br />
Of course there is always an upside. I left for Europe on March 4th to do 30 dates<br />
with my band. Today would have been our last show of the tour in Sheffield, UK.<br />
It's hard to even imagine now that I would have been gone from my home and family for all<br />
of that time, but I do it a lot and I am used to the routine. The routine of living on the road<br />
most of the time and get short reprieves at home with my loved ones.<br />
The upside is that I have spent the past 4 weeks at my house with my family.<br />
We have not had this much time together.....ever.<br />
I came home on Sunday March 15th - approximately 4 weeks ago tomorrow.<br />
I spent the first two weeks in self quarantine in my backyard studio apartment. I was never sick<br />
but we were in Germany and around enough people that coming home the CDC told us we needed to do the quarantine. We made the most of the isolation by writing 10 new songs and recording them with my band members who were also each in quarantine at their homes. This was a challenge.<br />
Each musician recorded their parts separately and sent them to me via Dropbox where I put them all together and mixed the music. In the end we made a free download recording and in return<br />
our Gofundme Campaign helped pay the band and myself for losing 3 months work.<br />
WOW - we are still humbled and overwhelmed with gratitude.<br />
<br />
So - I have been sincerely fortunate with this time and I do not take it lightly.<br />
We pray everyday for those that are sick and suffering as this virus is very real and the threat<br />
is as well. I try not to argue much on social media, but I get tired of the conspiracy bullshit.<br />
I'll try harder today.....progress, not perfection :)<br />
<br />
Another very strong upside to this downtime has been my recovery.<br />
Meetings have all taken to Zoom and I have been enjoying meetings almost everyday<br />
the past 4 weeks. When I am on the road I rarely get to enjoy a meeting as we are always on the go.<br />
If I am home for 10 days between tours, I might get to go to one or two.<br />
But with all of this time on our hands, we are meeting everyday and it's been really wonderful.<br />
I am hopeful that most of us will have time to reflect and be grateful for this amazing life we have been given.<br />
We have meals on the patio outside. We watch the birds in the yard every morning.<br />
Playing games with the girls, walking the dogs and exercising has become daily events now.<br />
I have to be honest....I could get use to this.<br />
It will be hard to climb into the van again and leave for weeks on end when this is all over.<br />
I will do it because that is what I do. I miss playing loud guitar and sweating with everyone<br />
at the club. I miss the band and all of the "van talk" on the road.<br />
But....I think I will not take for granted the things I cherish so much.<br />
<br />
I am a little all over the place here...but thats where I am at......all over the place.<br />
I hope I see you soon and we enjoy some time and music together.<br />
For now I will continue to share online and enjoy my family.<br />
PLEASE hang in there and stay home. I know it seems crazy and it's tough financially<br />
but we will all get through this time and come out stronger than before.<br />
<br />
God bless and Happy Easter!<br />
<br />
Peace, Love, ZitoZitohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11128237945028788846noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5934720062989923689.post-18180051586246945572020-02-25T10:29:00.000-08:002020-02-25T10:29:24.394-08:00The grass is always greener.....Interesting topic last night at my group of friends.<br />
One I could certainly relate to, as I am certain most folks can.<br />
The idea of never being satisfied.<br />
This notion of never having the best or enough of the best isn't merely an alcoholic or addict's<br />
problem, it is a human condition. We live day in, day out, not knowing when we will leave this<br />
existence and we get pleasure from enjoying the material world. We know it's not the solution,<br />
and we try and put it away, but truth be told, the material world does ease the pain of suffering<br />
to a certain extent. It does not solve the problem though....and it's easy to get caught up in the<br />
idea that more will make me feel better. The difference between the obvious issues being a human<br />
is that my mind (the addict/alcoholic mind) is I suffer from Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder.<br />
I've spent a lot of time in my mind dreaming of something new, better, the best.<br />
"When I get the new one, everything will be better!"<br />
So, if it's just a new guitar, thats not the end of the world. If it's a new wife, partner, woman -<br />
that can be troublesome. If I need one more hit or one more drink, I am really in the deep end of the pool. The idea that I need one more is a farce. I do not. I WANT one more.....absolutely.<br />
The "wanting" is part of my suffering. It is my condition and most folks can relate.<br />
I have learned, through extensive study, that getting what I want does not make life any better.<br />
<br />
I've dealt with the "wanting" almost all of my life. As a child I had a deep desire for more.<br />
When I became an adolescent I turned to theft as a means of getting what I wanted.<br />
That thievery carried into my young adult life and became a very common practice when I<br />
became a full time junky. The ultimate obsession for me is "wanting" one more hit....one more drink.<br />
Thinking that would solve all of my problems. But it never did, it just lead to a stronger desire for more...now...again...more.<br />
<br />
What I have learned over my 16 plus years of sobriety is that "this too shall pass".<br />
When I want something, I just wait and it will go away. Take my time. Give myself a break.<br />
It's ok to want or desire material things, although knowing they will not make me completely happy,<br />
but the wanting is just part of this life. The more I can control the wanting and use it to my<br />
advantage, the better I feel about myself.<br />
It is ok to "want" things, to dream and to enjoy the thoughtful process, but not all the time.<br />
I have work to do and a life to live and responsibilities.<br />
<br />
I try and make myself a gratitude list, almost daily in my head, but sometimes on a sheet of paper.<br />
That will usually put things into perspective.<br />
<br />
My best understanding is to want what I already have, and for me life is complete.<br />
Gratitude Is an action work and it takes daily effort to be grateful.<br />
When I am feeling very envious, it is time to get out of myself and do for others through service work. It is almost impossible to be feel selfish and self centered when I am helping others.<br />
<br />
Today I am grateful. The grass is never greener than it is right in front of me.<br />
I have everything I need today and then some.<br />
<br />
Peace, Love, Zito.<br />
<br />Zitohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11128237945028788846noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5934720062989923689.post-76267635504208126082019-12-11T07:21:00.003-08:002019-12-11T07:25:09.433-08:00Time to make a changeIt's always time to make a change.<br />
But....nothing changes if nothing changes :)<br />
Change takes time and commitment. It takes effort and action and a stepping off point.<br />
In my life I have had very specific times when I decided to make a change.<br />
But it did not happen overnight, I began thinking of the idea of changing.<br />
I considered what it would take to make this change.....and then I sat around doing nothing!<br />
But the idea and the seed were planted. I started to really want to change, but didn't know if I could or<br />
if I had enough strength to go through with it, depending on what the issue was at hand.<br />
Most of the issues with not changing were of course, mental, not physical.<br />
I wasn't like I wanted to escape an actual prison and I wasn't sure if I could get out of the building<br />
without getting caught or climb the walls, it was more about having the mental strength to<br />
stop doing the same thing and try something new and stay consistent.<br />
Consistency, that is the key to change. It takes a lot to make a big change in one's life.<br />
Like, quitting smoking or losing weight or to stop drinking alcohol.<br />
None of these things are easy, but they can be done with the right mental state and support.<br />
The idea is to take it slow but definitely begin to take steps.<br />
<br />
I have had success with change in my life, but it was not easy nor a quick fix. It took time and<br />
it was a process, always. Most recently I lost about 25 pounds. I had gained weight over the years<br />
a few pounds at a time and it finally got to a point where I was pretty much not happy with myself.<br />
I weighed about 205 pounds and my clothes were tight and I looked like I had 5 chins in every photo<br />
they took of me playing my guitar! I had not really tried anything, but sometimes I would stop eating sugar or sweets. Sometimes I would only eat meat and no carbs. Sometimes I would go to the gym and workout a little......but none of it was a full commitment and not for long periods of time.<br />
Finally at the end of this summer I came home and told my wife I had had enough. I wanted to lose weight and I made a decision to start. I began eating much less food than I was accustomed to, and I start working out regularly. It took about 3 months of work, but I lost about 25 pounds and really made a change for the better. Sure, I had gained a few back here and there, but I really learned what to eat and how to eat and just understanding that I was eating way too much food for one person.<br />
With consistency and effort, it has paid off and I feel much better about myself. I only look like I have 3 chins now in photos and thats a good thing!<br />
<br />
I use this as an example because people can relate. If I want to make a change, I have to at some point commit. I am also beginning to realize that I am getting older and life is getting shorter and I don't have time to mess around much more. If I am going to do something, I better get busy.<br />
Which brings me to change in my life that is spiritual.<br />
I don't have time to waste around people that are not happy and hell bent on poisoning the well.<br />
They have to go! I like being happy and having fun and enjoying myself, and I am able to do that without the help of any other human. My spiritual life brings me such joy, I want to share it with those around me, but sometimes they are not so interested in the joy. Some folks love to be miserable.<br />
They live for it, literally! I say it's time for a change. Why let people suck your energy and bring you down to their level of misery? Life is too damn short.<br />
<br />
I also say it's time to put forth more effort to love in 2020.<br />
I try to love with all of me, but I think I can do better, we all can. I am still selfish and self-centered,<br />
and would like to think of others more than myself. When I help others and give of my time,<br />
I get so much more in return.<br />
<br />
It's the end of the year, it's winding down and a brand new one we have never seen before is right in<br />
front of us - I am thinking of taking some steps and making some more changes for the better.<br />
Or....maybe I will just lay around and watch tv.....we'll see!!<br />
<br />
Peace, Love...ZitoZitohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11128237945028788846noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5934720062989923689.post-452113154764419482019-11-27T07:18:00.001-08:002019-11-27T07:18:47.945-08:00Thanks GivingWell....it's Thanksgiving tomorrow. WOW, this year has gone by very fast.<br />
Christmas is around the corner and I can't seem to get things to slow down.<br />
I have nothing to complain about, thats for sure. My life is a gift and I keep<br />
trying to be grateful and thankful and give my time to loved ones.<br />
I do realize that Time is what matters most. Making money helps make life easier,<br />
but ultimately it does not equal time. <br />
My father worked all his life and we never really had much money.<br />
He worked 40-50 hours a week and went out with friends on the weekends.<br />
He was older when I was born and he was tired. I am not complaining, but he just<br />
didn't have the verve to get outside and throw the ball around with me.<br />
He always gave me money instead. I would ask where he was going or what he was doing<br />
and he would reach into his pocket and give me $5. All of my siblings were older and out of the house by then, so it was just me and my Mom and Dad. They both grew up very poor<br />
so him giving me $5 was a big deal in his eyes. I always took the money of course,<br />
and usually ran straight to the neighborhood K-Mart and bought a record.<br />
<br />
I find myself now older and with all of the kids around at varying ages and I have provided<br />
for them financially as best I can. They have what they need and none want for much,<br />
thats a good feeling. But, I want to spend more time with them, Especially the older children who I did not get to spend as much time with when they were younger because I was working<br />
so much more then. My Father did the same thing when he was retired and had more time.<br />
He would call me and invite me over to watch tv or come see him, but I was always too busy then.<br />
My older kids are getting too busy themselves now, they have friends and jobs<br />
and they are living their lives. I am happy for them, of course, but now that I have more time<br />
I want to spend time with them and they are usually not available. This is life.<br />
No one has any hard feelings that I am aware of, we all get along wonderfully and stay in contact<br />
pretty regular. It's just life, it moves forward.<br />
If I had a chance to do it over again, I would've spent more time with my Father when he was still alive. I would've listened to his stories more intently and enjoyed being with him and my Mother.<br />
Instead, I was in a hurry to get going in life.<br />
<br />
I am lucky to have two younger girls at home and I try my hardest to spend as much<br />
time with them as possible. We play games, go on trips, watch tv and just have fun together.<br />
I realize now that giving of time is much more valuable than giving money.<br />
Of course we need money to survive this world, but I have a choice everyday of how I will<br />
spend my time, and I choose to spend it with my wife and my family when I am home.<br />
I am gone for long periods of time, so when I am home, I try to be HOME.<br />
<br />
Thanksgiving to me is about family and friends.<br />
I am thankful for all of the love I have in my life.<br />
I have spent a few when drugs and alcohol cut me off from my loved ones<br />
and I never want to feel that way again,<br />
Today I will do my best to share my time, my valuable time, with loved ones.<br />
<br />
<div jsname="U8S5sf" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Roboto, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.57; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span jsname="YS01Ge">"I see my folks, they're getting old</span><br /><span jsname="YS01Ge">And I watch their bodies change</span><br /><span jsname="YS01Ge">I know they see the same in me</span><br /><span jsname="YS01Ge">And it makes us both feel strange</span><br /><span jsname="YS01Ge">No matter how you tell yourself</span><br /><span jsname="YS01Ge">It's what we all go through</span><br /><span jsname="YS01Ge">Those eyes are pretty hard to take</span><br /><span jsname="YS01Ge">When they're staring' back at you</span></div>
<div jsname="U8S5sf" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Roboto, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.57; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span jsname="YS01Ge">Scared to run out of time"</span></div>
<div jsname="U8S5sf" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Roboto, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.57; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span jsname="YS01Ge">Nick of Time</span></div>
<div jsname="U8S5sf" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Roboto, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.57; margin-bottom: 12px;">
Happy Thanksgiving!</div>
<div jsname="U8S5sf" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Roboto, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.57; margin-bottom: 12px;">
Peace, Love , Zito</div>
<div>
<span jsname="YS01Ge"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<br />Zitohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11128237945028788846noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5934720062989923689.post-59645489912449807472019-09-28T09:07:00.000-07:002019-09-28T09:30:28.227-07:00Yonrico Scott<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
Well....I have been putting this off for a week now and I guess I need to get these emotions moving forward. No need to stay stuck in the sadness with life all around me.<br />
<br />
I lost a friend last week, Yonrico Scott.<br />
For those of you who do not know of whom I am speaking, Yonrico was a world famous drummer<br />
who hailed from Detroit. He lived in Atlanta the latter part of his life and travelled the world with many musical giants. He had drummed for Whitney Houston, Ray Charles, Peabo Bryson, Earl Klugh and countless others. I first became aware of Yonrico with the Derek Trucks Band.<br />
I was invited by a bass player friend in St. Louis to come to a show at Cicero's in the West End.<br />
It was the Derek Trucks Band, just a trio at the time, performing on a Tuesday night for maybe<br />
40 people. Everyone was talking about the new young man from Florida and is incredible slide playing, and it was incredible. Todd Smallie was on bass guitar and Yonrico was the drummer,<br />
and man was he drumming. I couldn't believe how much power they had in this trio.<br />
He would yell behind the drums sometimes and was really over the top. Derek was more reserved<br />
so Yonrico really stood out onstage. I kept up with this band for years, seeing them play another time or two with more musicians and on videos and the Eric Clapton Crossroads Festivals.<br />
Yonrico always stood out as a leader and a passionate musician.<br />
<br />
Fast forward a few years later and my manager at the time, Rueben Williams, and I were talking about putting a band together with Cyril Neville and Devon Allman. We had met Charlie Wooton who filled the bass player spot wonderfully but still needed a full time drummer.<br />
Thats when Devon called me and told me he had spoken to Yonrico Scott and that Yonrico was interested in joining the band. Thats when I was over the moon for the project.<br />
I was wowed by the idea that I might get to work with that man I saw over a decade ago.<br />
I always loved the idea of being a musician, but I don't think I ever considered myself on that level before and it was inspiring and intimidating at the same time.<br />
<br />
I met Yonrico Scott in December of 2011 at Dockside Studios in Maurice, Louisiana.<br />
We were all getting together to record our first Royal Southern Brotherhood album.<br />
I only live a few hours from the studio so I arrived the night before everyone else and was working with our engineer, David Farrell, setting up the studio. We had the drums up, mics up and I was playing some guitar for David to get sounds at the mixing board.<br />
Thats when Yonrico entered my life. He walked in the big room and filled it immediately with his presence and personality. He had the biggest smile on his face and we hugged and said hello.<br />
He asked me what I was just playing and I told him a song I had written for the new album.<br />
He jumped on the drums and said let's go, let's play it. So we began playing this song, just the two of us and David at the mixing board. Within minutes we had the groove and the arrangement feeling so good, David pressed record and we cut that track right there. The song was "Hurts My Heart".<br />
It was so good and powerful, that it is the exact track that is on the album today. The band showed up the next morning and we had already recorded two of the songs that would be on the record.<br />
We just hit it off, right from the start. Like old friends who hadn't seen each other in years.<br />
We laughed and joked and had an instant chemistry - which is not always so for older men.<br />
We make most of our close friendships when we are young, we don't normally go making new close friends in our 40's and 50's. But there was something about Yonrico, we just clicked from the start and it never stopped.<br />
<br />
The Royal Southern Brotherhood was my life for the next 3 plus years and I spent a LOT of time with the band and Yonrico. We became very close touring the world. It was exciting and crazy and tiring all at once. The band started and it never stopped. I have so many funny stories about Yonrico.<br />
He was always the highlight of my day. His words, his phrases, he had such a large personality.<br />
He would stop traffic in the middle of a busy street in Germany. He would block the aisle of the airplane passengers to let and old woman out. He would yell words loud, and usually just ONE word,<br />
at restaurants or airports or hotel lobbies. But most of all, he played the drums.<br />
Man, I have NEVER played with a drummer, let alone musician, that was as good as Yonrico Scott.<br />
When he "played" the drums....I mean he PLAYED the drums. He WAS the drum beat.<br />
I don't mean just loud, because he wasn't always loud or overbearing, he was just full body, mind and spirit playing the drums. He led the band, but he listened to everybody. He taught me how the "groove" works. It's big, the groove is huge. It's not just the drum beat, we are all playing the "groove", and it moves. It's not a click track or programmed beat that is the same, it rocks and sways and speeds up and slows down and the whole group moves together, pushing and pulling like an orchestra. Yonrico was educated and knew classical music, jazz, rock, blues, African and world music. He would educate the band and mostly me, because I was listening. I didn't know these things and I knew this was my chance at an education in music. I learned more about music from Yonrico Scott, than I have ever learned before in my life. I knew about playing guitar, but this was music.<br />
<br />
We had a good run with RSB and in a few years, I hung my hat and took a bow.<br />
I had so much music of my own that I wanted to record and write, I went on to pursuing my solo career. Yonrico was not happy. We had many talks about life and where we were going and I think he felt like I was breaking camp, walking away. I was. There was too much tension in the band and I had just lost my mother and I wasn't interested in continuing a road that seemed endless and not fulfilling. In the end there, he and the band understood and they continued on for many more years making great music with great new additions.<br />
We stayed in touch though and spoke every other week usually.<br />
<br />
Yonrico was a big part of my family as well. My wife and children loved him.<br />
He taught my daughters how to play drums, he encouraged my son Zach on the guitar.<br />
We had dinners and breakfasts and spent a lot of time together.<br />
Yonrico was a VERY likable man. He was charismatic and very spiritual.<br />
Kids were drawn to Rico and his charm and big smile.<br />
<br />
Yonrico and I made 6 records together over the years.<br />
We made records for RSB, Samantha Fish, Laurence Jones, The Blues Caravan, and Vanja Sky.<br />
Once RSB had kind of stopped, Rico became available again and we found work to do together.<br />
<br />
Yonrico was always about staying healthy and eating right and going to the gym, thats the Yonrico I knew. He had suffered a heart attack and bypass surgery years before and it put him on a path of<br />
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physical fitness and staying healthy. He was always concerned with what food he was going to eat,<br />
to the point of it being hilarious sometimes.<br />
<br />
We planned for Yonrico to join the 2018 Blues Caravan tour with Bernard Allison, Vanja Sky and myself. He had played on the recordings and we were excited to get to play together some more and spend time traveling. Rico called me just after the new year and explained to me that he was not feeling good and needed to stay home from the tour to have another surgery and recuperate.<br />
I was worried for my friend, but he assured me he would be fine, and he was for the most part.<br />
He took the year to rest and write music and paint. He spent time with family and Jesus, whom he loved so much. We talked on the phone and texted and stayed close, always saying we would find another project to do in the future.<br />
<br />
By the end of 2018 he was feeling good again, so I called on him to join a new group.<br />
It was a Tribute to the Allman Brothers based in St. Louis called "Allman Anthology".<br />
It would be a full 7 piece group with some heavy hitters and Danny Liston singing from the famed "Mama's Pride". I told him it would be fun and it wouldn't be full time or heavy touring, just rehearsing some and then playing a big show maybe 4-5 times a year. He thought this was a good project for him to get back on his feet and start playing again with is health. We were both excited to get to play music together again.<br />
<br />
We had a blast this year. We played 4 very big, successful Allman Anthology shows. Two in St. Louis and two in Texas. Yonrico was able to see my family again in Texas and we had some wonderful meals and spent some quality time. I would "handle" Rico when he flew in, pick him up at the airport. Bring him to the hotel, take care of everything so he could just play and relax. He was very happy and really feeling good about life. We were having so much fun, we talked about recording this band and writing original music. The Allman Anthology group is special and Yonrico fit right in, he was our leader yet again and we all looked up to him for direction in the "groove".<br />
<br />
Three weeks ago, I picked Rico up in St. Louis at Lambert Airport.<br />
I rented a really cool Dodge Challenger in Sparkle Maroon. He LOVED it when I showed up at the terminal, he yelled "OKAYYY"!! We had a great rehearsal with the band and afterward we went for a late dinner at Courtesy Diner on Hampton Ave in St. Louis....a southside tradition :)<br />
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We had decided that Yonrico would sign a recording contract with my record label "Gulf Coast Records" and I would come to Atlanta in November to produce the recording. He was very excited about making this record - he wanted to finally make his own Blues record. He was going to educate us all by going through all of the African drumbeats that later became the shuffles and stomps in our western Blues culture. It was going to be a fantastic record, and I was so excited to be working with my friend again. The next day we had soundcheck and I could not get a hold of Rico. He was not answering his phone or his door at the hotel, for hours. I was getting worried and when he finally got back to me I jokingly asked if he was going to die on me at the hotel.......he laughed hard and said<br />
"But I'm not afraid to die."<br />
The show was momentous and Yonrico made sure everyone saw him<br />
He wore a lime green/lemon shirt with lemon pants - Green tennis shoes and he ran upfront during the show to strike a pose in front the crowd, they went wild!<br />
We laughed and he played so good, the band put on the best show yet.<br />
The next morning I had breakfast with Rico and we signed the recording contract and really<br />
enjoyed our time....I dropped him off at his terminal and we hugged and said goodbye.<br />
We would see each other in November in Atlanta to make his new record.<br />
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<br />
Last Thursday, September 19th, I was arriving at Dockside Studios where it all began to produce a new album with The Proven Ones for our record label.<br />
I walked in the door and Charlie Wooton texted me......he told me that Yonrico had passed.<br />
I was gutted. I just looked around the room and couldn't believe this is where we met and now he is gone. It was shocking and very upsetting. I spoke to his son, Rico jr., and he verified the passing to me. He told me how happy his father was to be working with me again and excited to make the new record.<br />
<br />
I didn't cry when my Father died, I didn't know how. I was still learning to feel again after years of drug addiction. I cried years later after my Mother passed. I didn't know how to grieve, but losing both parents and working the program taught me how to feel and embrace the grieving.<br />
I cried the night I heard that my friend was gone. It hurt and it still hurts, but it's getting better.<br />
Life is for the living and I am alive, so I must continue forward and keep his spirit alive.<br />
The guys in the old band, RSB, began texting and communicating together for the first time in years as a group and we told every silly funny Yonrico story we could think of...it was great.<br />
I could not make it to his service this week and I was pretty sad about that, but I was there in spirit.<br />
<br />
Rico jr. asked me to give remarks at his service and since I was unable, I have been wanting to share with you here, my tribute to a friend.<br />
<br />
Yonrico was one of the kindest, wonderful, intelligent, gifted and talented people I have ever known.<br />
He was special and full of love. He made me laugh so hard and taught me so much.<br />
I will miss my friend, but I know he passed peaceful and with family around him.<br />
<br />
God Bless you Rico, we will do our best to keep the Groove alive.<br />
LONG LIVE THE BIG DRUM!!!<br />
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<br />Zitohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11128237945028788846noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5934720062989923689.post-88603565317386606102019-08-26T08:18:00.003-07:002019-08-26T08:20:37.675-07:00State of mindLike most people, my state of mind can change throughout a day<br />
let alone a week or a month. But for the most part I do my best to mostly stay positive<br />
and not worry. In the big picture, I would say I am a positive person who doesn't worry<br />
about much. Some would say that this is due to the fact that I am more financially<br />
successful these days and have most of my needs met. I am happily married with a beautiful family and doing work that I love....true. But this does not necessarily mean that I am "happy" or "peaceful".<br />
I have met plenty of people that seem "rich" to me and they are miserable and not wonderful.<br />
Obviously, life is much easier when your needs are met. When there is food on the table and the bills are paid life gets more personal. When you are not worrying about just the basic needs, we start to think about the more than basic needs. Am I getting enough love, attention, etc. Mostly, people that are poor worry about one thing, how to survive. People that are not poor worry about many more social aspects of life. Some in the eastern philosophies would say that having more than we need<br />
is a much greater burden than not. Trying to keep up with the latest in Cribs or the Kardashians is<br />
a reality than only the newer generations have had to deal with. I grew up poor in a 5 room apartment, but we always had food and shelter....but that was about it.<br />
I learned early on to entertain myself and be able to enjoy life without much money or stuff.<br />
<br />
I know what it's like to be poor, and I am so thankful. I am always grateful for what we have and<br />
the life we live today. We are by no means "rich" in the American Traditional use of the word......<br />
we are just middle class. BUT, growing up lower class and making it to the middle is a big deal<br />
and to me...we ARE rich. I couldn't be happier to see my kids off at College getting an education<br />
and my children being able to play sports and go to dance. I am so happy to see that my children<br />
don't have to live life poor. But I also worry that they do not always appreciate their lives.<br />
They constantly see life on the internet and in movies and television that is just so over the top<br />
and so grandiose that they think we don't have anything. I also worry that they think they are entitled to this life, this is just how it is for everyone. I know that this is not true...you do too.<br />
I have encouraged my children that are of the age to become involved in their political lives and to register to vote. They seem less than interested. They tell me that they're not interested in politics<br />
and that they don't care about who wins or loses. That to me is a sure sign that they have grown up<br />
<b><i>privileged. </i></b>They have grown up with everything they need and they don't need to worry about others<br />
or the future. Life will be good for them no matter what. (I certainly hope so)<br />
This concerns me. This is a false positive of course and I am not always sure how to get them<br />
to understand that life takes continual growth and work to succeed: Spiritually, Emotionally, Financially, Ethically, and so on.<br />
If we are not concerned about being involved in our community and what we feel is best for the whole, we will never truly be connected as human. Life is more than fulfilling our personal needs. In fact, true happiness is helping others. If we are not concerned with who "wins or loses" in our leadership roles, we probably do not worry about others as well.<br />
<br />
Most of all, what worries me is that if they lose this level of life with no concerns, will they be able to handle it? Can they handle "not having"? Can they still be happy?<br />
Everyone has to learn for themselves, I understand, but as a father I want the best for my kids.<br />
<br />
I look back on living poor in south St. Louis and think how I lucky I was to have that experience<br />
and to have learned to be happy and be free through my work with recovery groups.<br />
I made a lot of mistakes along the way, but in the end, I was always able to survive.<br />
Today, I realize that happiness and contentment is all a state of mind.<br />
If I am not working spiritually each day, I am not happy. I truly cannot enjoy the material world around me if I am not spiritually successful.<br />
I pray each morning, do some meditation and reading and also some physical exercise.<br />
When I have had enough sleep and my body feels good, it is easy to be spiritual.<br />
<br />
This state of mind takes diligence and patience. Sometimes I will not feel the way I want to feel,<br />
so I have to be patient and give myself a break. Sometimes I have to meditate longer and pray more for a day to get going positive. I do the work, because I know the result.<br />
When I stop doing the work, I blame you, I blame life and I blame my circumstances.<br />
In the end, I know this is not true. It's me....it's always me.<br />
I am the one who decides how this life will be lived today.<br />
<br />
I work hard for this state of mind because I am selfish.<br />
I like the way this feels and I want more of it.<br />
I realize now that I could live without almost everything material.<br />
I do not want to, but I could if it were necessary.<br />
This allows me to be in wonder most of my day, and that is how I choose to live life.<br />
I am in wonder of this life.<br />
<br />
Peace, Love, Zito.....<br />
<br />
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<br />Zitohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11128237945028788846noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5934720062989923689.post-23979861245939834632019-06-20T09:14:00.001-07:002019-06-20T09:24:22.109-07:00CommitmentI can't really remember if I am writing a blog I already have written before.<br />
I am almost to 100 entries over the past 7 years and I try hard to not repeat myself.<br />
Obviously this blog is based on my life and experiences as a recovering addict and alcoholic and touring musician and most important, a father and husband. The theme is always similar but I hope each entry has something fresh to share. People often ask me to write the blog more, and I promise I will be doing so soon, but its sometimes hard to be authentic and honest when it is a chore.<br />
Some writers write for the sake of being able to write, it is their gift. Mine is not that way.<br />
My gift I do not believe is so much in the ability to write, but to share my feelings and world honestly.<br />
I enjoy writing, but it has to come from the right place. I don't write songs well without purpose either.<br />
My best songs are based on true experience or feelings. I could never be a "Songwriter" that is shelling out melodic tunes for money. I don't have it in me, and so I approach this blog the same.<br />
I write when I have something to say that I feel is worthy of your time.<br />
<br />
Which brings me to commitment.<br />
I have never been committed to much in life before recovery, other than my guitar and music.<br />
Music was the lover I would not let go of, no matter what the cost.<br />
I have given up many other life experiences for music. I have slept with my guitar in lieu of a human<br />
many times. The guitar is the one thing in life I have held tightly since I was 8 years old.<br />
I often thought of "commitment" as mostly having to do with a relationship, a marriage vow.<br />
I was not very successful with that idea early on in my life as well. I just wanted to play my guitar<br />
at all costs. Now, throw in some drugs and alcohol and you get a pretty good story.<br />
<br />
It never occurred to me that commitment was so powerful.<br />
My first real commitment in life was to the recovery programs that have saved my life.<br />
I remember hearing from a man in a meeting years ago say "at some point you have to make a commitment. You have to decide this is what you are going to do and do it no matter what."<br />
That hit hard for me. I made a firm decision that day that I would stay clean and sober and I would work that program to the best of my ability. That is what I would do, this would now become my life.<br />
He was right. It took making a heartfelt decision deep inside that this is what I would now be, I would not go back to my old way of life. That commitment rings as true today as it did 15 years ago.<br />
<br />
I always say that recovery was my first success in life and that is true. It's the first thing I started that I have not walked away from or given up on. It has taught me to make real commitments in my life outside of the meetings. My wife and I were dating and I was newly sober. I was just starting to be able to play music again and she would go with me to support me and be there so I could do my job, get paid and bring the money home. It was a fun time. We would drive to Lake Charles two-three times a week for me to play gigs and she'd fall asleep on the way back in the car and get home at 2am, then get up at 6:30am and go to work. She was always there to help me.<br />
One night we were crossing the 210 bridge in Lake Charles and I was so excited. I was staying sober and playing music and this girl was right there with me and we were just having so much fun. I told her that I thought if we stayed together we could probably do really well as a team. She agreed!<br />
We decide that we would make a pact right there that night. We would always stay together, no matter what. We shook on it, on that bridge. We called it the 210 pact.<br />
For years after we married, whenever we argued or disagreed, one of us would remind the other of the "210 pact" and we would kind of let go of whatever the disagreement was.<br />
It was always fun and sometimes like the ring of the bell at the end of a round of boxing.<br />
"Hey....the 210 pact!"......and everything would stop.<br />
<br />
Like most marriages, we have had some rough patches along the way. Times when we were younger and things were just not jiving. My nature to always cut and run would kick in and I would think<br />
" I gotta get out of here" or "what the hell is going on". In the midst of all of these turbulence,<br />
one of us would remind each other of the 210 pact. It would solemnly bring the unease to an end.<br />
But it was not a fun little quip anymore, it was for real.<br />
We made a deal, remember? No matter what we would stay together and be a team.<br />
That always worked. It was deeper than our wedding vows, our formal marriage. We did this on our own, together with God as our witness and we shook on it, always and forever.<br />
Laura was pregnant with Josie at the time and my music career was not what it is today.<br />
Times were tight and I was working a lot and not giving her the support she needed, but we did our best. We went to the hospital for the birth of our new baby girl. It all happens so fast and so crazy and at the same time like slow motion. I was right by Laura's side, holding her hand.<br />
I heard a loud cry and the doctor said "Mark the time of delivery at 2:10pm"<br />
<br />
The biggest tear I have ever seen, ran out of my wife's eye. She looked at me and I was overcome.<br />
It was too much. It's almost too much typing the story this morning.<br />
I felt this wash over me and I just surrendered and said, ok, I get it. I'm here. This is exactly what I am doing. For always and forever. Laura and I didn't say a word, we just looked at each other and we knew. The pact was real, it was our honest commitment and we would stay true to our word.<br />
<br />
Everything changed from that day forward. We had honored the commitment to the best of our ability up to that day, but that day was the Universe telling us that we made a promise, and now there was no turning back. Life became so much simpler and easy and more connected than ever before.<br />
We stopped fighting, arguing, and just started to really enjoy our life together.<br />
All of our energy went into that commitment.<br />
I became a better musician and a real father and husband that day.<br />
This commitment has become the absolute focal point of our lives.<br />
Nothing else matters, only the 210 pact.<br />
<br />
That commitment has led me to many more in my life.<br />
The commitment to my recovery and to my wife have really taught me how to succeed.<br />
When I want to be truly successful at anything, I have to commit.<br />
As I get older, I realize I do not have time for games or messing around. Some people have to go<br />
and some get to stay. I have work to do and time is of the essence.<br />
<br />
Not everything in life is as amazing as the pact that my wife and I made some 15 years ago,<br />
nor should it be. But, when I make a commitment, something powerful happens.<br />
It becomes a part of me, it is mine and I own it and treasure the cost.<br />
It is beyond being loyal, it is who I am.<br />
To truly succeed at any venture, I have to commit.<br />
I never realized I could give so much of myself to others or to a cause or work, but I can.<br />
I can give more. I am still selfish. I still love to hold that guitar.<br />
Standing by my word is an inside job, it means I am to be trusted with the deepest of dedications.<br />
I am proud of my commitments today, they define me.<br />
<br />
210 pact baby...always and forever!Zitohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11128237945028788846noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5934720062989923689.post-29229941583952871422019-04-17T06:33:00.000-07:002019-04-17T06:37:12.721-07:00GRATITUDEWhat can I say?<br />
I know I've written about this topic before, but after this weekend,<br />
I have plenty to be grateful for.<br />
After four weeks touring in Europe, we came home for a day or two and headed right back out on the road to Florida. I am always thankful for the work, but I do get tired and I do get crabby.<br />
I try my best to you put a happy face on. I pray, I meditate, and I just try to roll with the punches.<br />
The music and the band and most of all the fans always get me through.<br />
By Sunday afternoon in Tampa Bay I was spent. The band gave a rousing performance.<br />
We were gifted with many standing ovations and the audience really lifted us up.<br />
I walked off the stage exhausted.....and a little dizzy.<br />
I made my way over to the autograph line and merch tent, where it looked like the folks waiting faded into the sunset. I gathered my best composure, grabbed a sharpie and jumped right in.....<br />
<br />
The first woman in line had bought two cd's and was very sweet.<br />
She told me she enjoyed my music and had not heard me before. She could tell from my<br />
lyrics that I must be in recovery. I told her that was true.<br />
She then told me she had over 30 years of sobriety. I thanked her for her recovery and for<br />
sharing with me. She then looked up and directly at me and said<br />
"My daughter was killed 6 days ago"<br />
<br />
Let that sink in.<br />
<br />
"My daughter was Killed 6 days ago"<br />
<br />
I lost my breathe. She said she had this vacation planned for a while and then her daughter<br />
was killed in an auto accident. She thought about not coming, but she knew it wouldn't be good<br />
if she sat around and thought too much, She needed to get out of her head.<br />
She said she needed to hear the message and seeing me confirmed to her that she needed<br />
to come to Tampa.<br />
<br />
What do you say? What do you do? I just said I am so sorry and I grabbed her for a hug<br />
and she began weeping. The thoughts of my children raced through my head.<br />
I was overcome with emotion and we just kind of held onto each other for a bit.<br />
She told me she enjoyed the music and she would see me again.<br />
She helped take some pictures and as the line continued and folks kept pouring in for autographs....<br />
she was gone.<br />
<br />
Immediately I stood up straight, thanked God for my blessings and gave everything I had in me<br />
to the line of beautiful people that went on for 2 hours.<br />
I was tired....so what. I was crabby.....get over it. Stop whining and give all of yourself,<br />
thats what you are here, and look what I get in return.....LOVE.<br />
<br />
It reminds me that I have no idea what the plan is.....I only know what MY plans are<br />
and they are mostly based in ego.<br />
God needs me to be somewhere, to help someone. This music is not mine.<br />
<br />
This music, this life is based on connecting to people. Coming together and helping each other.<br />
It's not about how many tickets we sold, how much money we make, how many records we sell.<br />
What our outfit looks like today. Did we lose weight? Do we look old?<br />
It's not about who plays the guitar the fastest, the loudest, the best.....<br />
It's not about being the most popular......it's about the PEOPLE.<br />
<br />
Connecting with the audience, being there together. The simple acknowledgement that life is<br />
painful at best and all we have is each other.<br />
<br />
I am a firm believer that that is what matters most.<br />
Getting caught up in the game of success and trying to be something you are not just to try<br />
and be successful is foolish and not artistic. It seems artistic to "portray" onstage, but it's bullshit.<br />
<br />
Just be yourself and be honest and let it come to you.<br />
I remembered this weekend why I do this. Why I leave my family and my home.<br />
It's to be with the people. They give so much to me and to the band and it's amazing<br />
that all they want in return is for us to play our instruments and sing our songs.<br />
<br />
God bless the woman that I met. God bless her daughter and her family.<br />
Thank you for sharing with me and for including me and reminding me to be of service.<br />
I made a gratitude list and it's busting.<br />
<br />
Peace, Love, Zito<br />
<br />
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<br />Zitohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11128237945028788846noreply@blogger.com