Monday, August 24, 2015


It's back to school again.
I just brought the girls to their first day.
My youngest started Kindergarten today and my oldest daughter
started high school today.
All the kids are off and running and everything is getting back to normal.
The summer is over, but it's still really hot outside....of course it's Texas.

I love routines.
They work well for me and my obsessive mind.
I did a lot of work in the late 1990's for the DOD playing concerts for the
troops overseas. I really enjoyed my time working with the Military.
I loved the strict routine.
At one point in my life I was going to join the Army Jazz band.
I was at a pretty low point in my drug abuse and living with my parents.
I needed something, anything to get me on my feet.
I had some connections I had made in the DOD and I reached out and they set
up an audition at my local recruiter.
It's a big deal, it's not easy and they only hire like one guitar player every two years.
They flew in the guy that handled auditions from the DC area and he sat down with me
and worked me through the process.
He was very happy with my audition and told me he would recommend my enlistment.
My parents were overjoyed and I thought I would finally get my shit together and
get off of drugs. I was very excited about the "Routine" life, it's what I needed badly.
I would be the first guitarist in the state of Missouri enlisting as a guitarist in the Army Jazz band
in over 20 years.  My recruiter was very excited.
I had to do my physical and basic tests in one week.
So what did I do?  I went on a 4 day bender of drugs and alcohol.
I went in on Monday morning and took the piss test, all the paperwork, physical etc.
I had a very good friend of mine ask me while we were doing drugs
"Don't you have to take a drug test in a day or two?"
I thought yeah, but it'll be fine.
Long story recruiter picked me up two weeks later to drop me off for basic training.
I had my bags packed, my parents were proud and I was on my way.
When we arrived my name was not on the list. We were called into an office where
they told me that came up VERY hot for cocaine and marijuana.
They could not accept my enrollment for two more years.
My recruiter was crushed, and I was driven back home
I told my parents that something was wrong with the paperwork, but they knew better.
It was a huge set back and very upsetting......and then within less than a year we invaded Iraq.
I was told if I had enrolled, I would have lost my guitar position and been sent off to war.
Maybe things happen for a reason.

This is just one of so many stories in my life that started out with my intention for "Normal",
for "Routine" and ended in destruction.

This is my disease. I have a need and a want for "Normal"and I have a destruction that
wants to tear it all apart. It's so conflicting and so crazy.
I have always been my own worst enemy and for years I had no idea what was going on.
Luckily I found a program that helped me to change my way of thinking and gave me tools
to deal with my own disfunction, I also have a strong relationship with my Higher Power today.

That sabotage in my mind is much better these days.
I have learned from my mistakes, Thank God, and I make better choices today.
I have finally found the joy in "Routine" with my family, my music and my spiritual life.
Words like "Routine" and "Normal" seem horrible to many people, maybe they take it for granted.
I love new experiences, I am always for trying something new and mixing it up......
but I love the joy of being normal these days.
I go to bed early, I make my coffee every morning, I practice my guitar, we eat dinner as a family.....

Today I am thankful for normalcy, for routine.
I am also thankful for the ways things worked out in my life, even when I thought I was being let down....everything happens for a reason, even if I don't know why.
I am and have always been looked out for by my Higher Power,
for that I am grateful.