Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Summertime Blues

It's gonna be 95 today in South East Texas, and thats just fine with me.
I will take the heat any day of the week over cold and snowy,  I guess I'm getting old.
Growing up in St. Louis, I got more than enough cold and snow for a lifetime.

Well, the summer has begun and we are knee deep into touring with the band.
We had a pretty easy spring and I was home much more than I have been in recent years.
But now it's on the road again and back to work.
We hit the ground running the past few weeks in the Northeast and then spent a week in Germany
and Poland, then wrapping up one more week in the Pennsylvania area.
Home for two days and we fly out today to Bosnia and Italy and end up in Norway with Ms. Samantha Fish before coming back home......the summer is in full swing!
I plan these trips 6 months or more in advance and you get everything ready and lined up
and before you know it, you are right in the middle of what you worked on, I love it.

When things get going this quick and we are on the move constantly, I need to remind
myself to pray and meditate everyday, or I am in for some trouble.
Like anyone, I can get crabby and tired and when I do, I start to take it out on those around me.
My problem is, I have mental illness and I take it to the extreme.
I get really worked up about nothing in my head and start to really resent anyone who says
something I don't like.  Then I spend the whole day or more arguing with them over and over.....
in my head :)
Of course they have no idea, I am the one suffering.
At the most, I might be snippy with them or ignore them because I am upset, but inside
I am chewing their ass out!
I'm sure most people can relate to this, this is not just an addicts mind, but consider this same
feeling times 1000%.
It's overwhelming to say the least.
What I have found to work best is to have a more personal conversation with the person or people and start to see them again as loving, kind individuals that are human just like me.
When I do, I start to forgive almost instantly and my mind begins to ease.
Again, most of all of the trouble centers in my mind, not from any real posing threat.
They have actually done nothing to offend me, I just created the problem in my mind.

So, since I am aware of this problem and that it happens mostly when I am very busy and gone from home for long stretches, I know I should pray and meditate more often to stop this process
before it starts.  It's amazing to me that by praying and making my spiritual connection, I can
almost instantly change my thought process.  What a connection I have made with my Higher Power!
Like most people, I wait until things get really bad before I reach out for help.
Just like when I was drinking and using, I wouldn't pray until I was hugging the toilet bowl
"Please God, I'll never do this again! Help me Lord!"

I still wait until I am hurting pretty bad to ask God for help and ease my pain.
SO......this summer I am taking it One Step at a Time and I am putting my good foot forward.
I am going to try very hard to pray everyday and meditate and give myself a break.
When my mind begins that resentful process, I am going to try and step in immediately and begin praying to change that pattern.  I am hopeful that this will be a success, sometimes my mind
is so willful it's hard to recognize the pattern, but I think if I stay focused and spiritual I will have
a more peaceful summer.

I must also remember to be humble and ask for help when needed.
As soon as I get some humility and realize I cannot do it all on my own, God sends people
into my life to help me.  This past week, I was constantly reminded of God in my life.
Dear friends in the program came out to my shows and gave me support when I needed it most.
I also met folks for the first time that shared their recovery with me, in fact one man
gave me his 27 year coin just minutes before we rocked the Briggs Farm Fest.
It was so inspiring and uplifting, I had the most fun ever on that set.
I am truly blessed with so much good around me, it's incredible........if I can just stay out of my mind!

Thanks to all of the fans and all of my friends for all your love and support.
It means a lot when people tell me they love the blog and I should keep writing.
I love writing and sharing with you and it certainly helps me.

I hope you all have a great summer, be good to each other and share the love.