We made it and we should be so lucky :)
This year has taken off with a bang. So much to do, so much traveling already and
plenty of work ahead. All of this is great and I am very grateful for my gift to work
and take care of my family, but sometimes it's just one day after another - hurry hurry hurry,
try to keep it all in line - balancing a checkbook, picking the kids up from school, getting the bills paid,
feeding the animals, getting to the gigs on time and keeping the schedule organized.....
I am sure you all know what I am talking about.
Sometimes I need a confirmation of all things good and amazing in my life.
Maybe I should say - reconfirmation - but it seems as though every new confirmation really
seems to supersede the last one and bring about even more awareness.
Fear usually brings this confirmation around.
I step into a fearful situation, which is usually not fearful at all, but from my past experience
has caused me pain and suffering and I immediately expect the same experience.
But why would it be the same experience? I am no longer the person I used to be and things
have changed. If I have truly forgiven myself for any of my wrong doings, then I have nothing
to be fearful of - especially if I have practiced the principles in all of my affairs.
Once I examine my feelings of fear and find that they are the same deep rooted feelings based
in old shame and remorse, I begin to forgive myself all over again.
I don't have to feel this way anymore.
But my mental illness always looks for a way to beat me up and beat me down so I will start
feeling sorry for myself and possibly consider taking a drink again. This disease is cunning, baffling
and POWERFUL!
The next step for me is to call my sponsor, read some literature, go to a meeting and ultimately
deal with my fear head on and take care of business. In the meantime I learn, yet again, that I am a child of the Universe and I have a right to be here, just as the mountains and the stars above.
I need to learn to be nice to myself. Stop judging myself so hard and give myself a break.
I am doing the best I can, and that is all I can do.
Once this feeling of true love comes over me, I start to see the world as beautiful all over again.
We are here for such a short period of time, it will all be over soon.
Every word and every breath should count. I start to take notice of every detail and more from the
observers view and not my judgmental ego.
The observers view is the greatest feeling in the world. To let go of myself and become a part,
rather than apart.
A new confirmation is necessary from time to time, to keep me grounded in my spirituality.
A new confirmation is necessary from time to time, to keep me grounded in my spirituality.
It's all a process and soon I will leave this mountain and come back to the valley where the work is needed to be done......but for now, life is beautiful.
Peace, Love, Zito