Monday, April 8, 2013

Patience is a pain in the.....

So,  I reach out to someone, my wife, my manager, a friend and they don't answer their phone right away.......should be no big deal, right?
I've learned the principle of "Patience" in many ways over the years and in the big picture I have really embraced this idea of letting go of my feelings and attachment to the outcome of life and trusting that it will all work out.......wait for it comes.....  BUT,

When it comes to these little day to day interactions, once again I am at a loss.
Subconsciously I must be thinking, Where are they? Why aren't they answering? Don't they like me?
Don't they realize I have something very important to tell them? Why aren't they just sitting there waiting for me to contact them?

This is of course just one example of my impatience.
When I get in traffic, wait in a long line at the store, can't get the Internet to log on, when I have to listen to you finish your sentence so I can get to saying mine (that's one of my favorites).....
The list goes on and on.
Obviously this is a little part of all of our lives, addict or not. We are human and impatience is part of the human condition. Patience is a virtue, a spiritual principle, it must be practiced in order to be obtained and even then I cannot live in the clouds, I have to come back to Earth with the rest of you and probably will need to continue to practice this life long process.

Like I said before, in the big picture I have really learned to embrace Patience.
I realized early in recovery that getting my life together and back on track was going to take time and consistency. I didn't become an addict over night, so it would take time to change my way of thinking.
It would also take time for those around me to begin to believe in me again.
I had let them down so many times, they were shell shocked. I had said I was sorry 1000 times, only to break their hearts again and again. My point here is, I accepted this form of patience.
I realize over time, in the big picture, everything will work out.
It always does, and usually much quicker and easier when I stay out of it all together.

Once again, it's the small, day to day life experiences that are what I need to continue to work on.
I remind myself to slow down and relax a little. Whats the hurry?
Also, if I take the time to look at these little snafu's as wonderful spiritual exorcises, I can say thank you for giving me a chance to "Practice" the principle of Patience.
When I get impatient with my kids, my wife or my friends, I have to stop and remember that these
are human beings just like myself- give them a break and give yourself a break.
It's ok to not get everything done today - what would I do tomorrow?
Am I just in a hurry to get life over with and die already? :)
In the end, prayer and meditation always saves the day.
I read my literature a little, say a prayer and let it all go.
In God's time, not mine.
Peace, Love, Zito