Wednesday, March 25, 2015
I dedicate this blog to my dear friend, Mike "Mule" Johnson.
Mule is a big part of my recovery and was a huge supporter of my music.
He was a really good friend and I miss him a lot.
We played music for him just a few weeks ago at his house and I hoped that I would get the chance
to do that again, but he was gone before I got home from my last tour.
He was all about "paying it forward", and I promise to not let him down.
Here today, gone tomorrow.......love ya Mule
Keep it simple....stupid
I always like this catch phrase, because it plays to my inner turmoil.
It reminds me to stop being complicated and just for laughs it allows
me to degrade myself a bit, self loathing......mmm.
Even if you're not in recovery, you've most probably heard all of these phrases
and lines in movies or in everyday life. Recovery doesn't own the rights to clever
catch phrases, thats for sure. This particular one says it all to me.
Whether I am new in recovery and just coming off the streets, or I have been here 20 years,
it works all the time. It's also the epitome of the words actually matching the true meaning.
It is a simple, stupid reminder to keep it simple, stupid.
So while I know this phrase and the idea behind all to well, I forget about it, almost on a daily
basis. Thats why it's there, to "re-mind" me, and I need "re-minding".
My mind goes a mile a minute and mostly in the right direction these days, but sometimes it
runs away and hijacks my feelings. So I need "re-minding".
My sponsor told once, many years ago, that the mind is like a child.
Children like to go play in the street and we need to tell them to get back in the yard, where it's safe.
That sounds silly, but it is absolutely true.
Most of my crazy thinking is just that, crazy.
It's not based in reality. I'm having conversations with people about problems that have never occurred, but that doesn't stop me. I carry on with someone in my head, to prove a point or win
an argument that doesn't exist......thats crazy.
Most of the time my crazy thoughts are based in fear and ego. I am looking for a fight,
because I probably have not prayed or meditated and spoken with my Higher Power.
When I take time to do so, especially before the day begins, my mind is much more pleasant.
My biggest problem is that I forget whats wrong with me.
Thats when the shit starts to hit the fan. I start to believe the thoughts in my head.
I create drama that is not there, I get very needy and also very people pleasing to manipulate.
Rather than just "be", I create being based on my emotional needs and irrational thoughts.
Somewhere along the way I am stunned to find out that nothing is wrong at all and I am just crazy.
None of what I was thinking is real and my mind has been playing tricks on me.
Thats when I get scared for a minute. My mind is so powerful that it can hijack my feelings and thoughts and I don't even realize that it's happened. Luckily, I am in recovery and I am surrounded
by recovery books, emails, others in recovery, I go to meetings and eventually one of those things or people will get my attention and "re-mind" me of my predicament.
Once I am "re-minded", I suddenly give myself a break and those all around me.
"Keep it simple stupid" is such a nonsensical phrase that is so spot on with my thinking.
IF I can just let it all go, give it to God, and focus on whats right in from of me......everything will be fine. It's always fine, all the time, as long as I don't drink or put in.
My thinking and awareness today are so much better than they used to be.
I still get lost sometimes, but I am brought back to speed quickly and long before I go off the deep end. Prayer is always the answer, yet it's the last thing I do sometimes.
Today I will take time to pray and to connect with my spiritual life, my true life.
I will do my best to keep it simple and walk the narrow path chosen for me, I am grateful.