Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Down Under Blues

Well, I am the world traveler this week in Australia with RSB. It's amazing to think where the blues has taken me.
I remind myself to be thankful to Muddy Waters and Blind Willie Johnson for this life I lead. I am just a student of the music and of the spiritual principles.
I thoroughly enjoy the traveling aspect of this musical career. Especially to foreign and exotic places.
I am also reminded that people are people, no matter where I go.
They are alive and living, working and playing. I travel thousands of miles to some distinctly different part of the world and look immediately for differences. What are they eating?
What are they doing? Where are they going?
I guess I am hoping to find that they are so different, eating crazy foods and living in some abnormal way....but they are not. They are exactly the same as you and I. They are trying to make it all work. Pay their bills and get through life the best they can. They have families and jobs and responsibilities just as we do. Sure, maybe they eat something a little strange or do things a bit odd to me, but its very superficial.
The bottom line is, people are people.
We hope for no harm and generally want to live in peace. I believe this.
I believe that people are all mostly good at their core. I do not believe in evil of any kind. I do believe in mental illness and emotional sickness.
I have been so fortunate to have traveled all over the world In the past 20 years and its all the same.
Sure their are some in the world that want to destroy and harm and steal and conquer, but the majority want to live in peace. We forget this sometimes when we are home in our little world. We watch tv and see only the bad out there and it seems like its all bad!
It's just not true. If you haven't ventured out into the world, you don't know what you're missing.
As soon as I realize that the differences are minimal in my travels, I begin to see the similarities. They are abundant.
This is at the core a huge part of my disease and mental illness. I want to be different form every one else.
I feel the need to be unique.
Although I am unique in certain ways,
I am more like everyone else.
I am not so different. None of us are.
We are the same.
We are connected. My disease wants me to disconnect, and that is ,in my teachings, the root of my self centered, egotistical illness. The sooner I can begin to seek the similarities in others on a daily basis, the sooner I can begin to give myself a break. In return I will begin to give everyone a break.
Because we are all human.
Very flawed. If I can begin to lower the expectations I have on myself, I will lower them on the rest of the world and immediately everything gets more peaceful and serene.
We are all connected, we are all one.
What I do that is good for the whole is what's best for me, because I am part of the whole. What benefits me only, immediately draws a line between us.
I am no expert and these are not my great opinions, these are just the principles that have been taught to me by those that came before me and I am reminding myself each day to re-member.
Peace, Love, Zito

Thursday, March 21, 2013

I get by with a little help....

It's still amazing to me how this disease works. That I can just so easily forget What's wrong with me and get myself into trouble. I have to consistently be reminded of my addiction to keep me on path.
It's like I wake up everyday and somewhere between brushing my teeth and getting dressed I get this thought that says "oh yeah, I'm an addict". Then I say the serenity prayer, do a little meditating and get on with my day. I'll try and read some literature, and spark my recovery for the day.
But, their are days when I am in a hurry, and this doesn't always happen.
I get out the door, get busy on the phone and before you know it its getting close to noon.
It's these days when I might get this uncomfortable feeling in life. People might start to get on my nerves for no real reason. I get easily frustrated with simple situations and start to enjoy that
"Why me" feeling. That's never a good place for anyone, and certainly not an addict.
I'll admit, I don't think during any of this that I might go get a drink or a drug, but I do think
"To hell with all this!!!"  I'm used to being very forgiving in life thanks to recovery, especially in forgiving myself for being human. In return I am very forgiving with all of humanity.
Eventually I am reminded of my disease and to give myself a break. It's like suddenly I get it, "oh yeah, duh! I have the disease of addiction!" That's what's going on here, that's why I'm having a hard time with all this easy shit.
Because of my career choice, I spend a lot of time early in the day by myself.
 I usually get time to do what I need in the morning before we hit the road
But also,When we are on tour, things can get hectic.
This is when I can honestly say "I get by with a little help from my friends"
Luckily my wife is affiliated with the program and she'll be the first to remind me that
things are not so bad when I get squirrelly.
I also have so many friends out here on the road that are in recovery, and they always come to shows and support. Just seeing their faces will usually put me at ease and remind me of my recovery.
We usually share a little bit with each other of how we are doing and it really, really helps.
It's such a blessing to play music in recovery.
I thank all of my friends out there who walk the walk and talk the talk.
Just for today
Peace, Love, Zito

Monday, March 11, 2013

I'm obsessed with obsession....

Maybe I am possessed, yes maybe that's what the problem is with me!
Wouldn't it be wonderful to write this obsession off as a real demon inside
Of me that is possessing me and making me think and do awful stuff? Rhetorical
Obviously, I don't believe in monsters and will probably have to take responsibility for my own actions and thoughts. Ha!
I do really well for a long time, just going along with the days, following the rules of society.
I pay my bills on time, get my oil changed, use the seatbelt, don't curse in front of the elderly or children.... I even do nice things for people when I can, and then suddenly out of nowhere,
Somebody gets into my head and I can't get them out!
I somehow get involved in some crazy wacky situation that involves he said and she said and we thought, and you thought and it all goes right over the cliff.
That's life I guess. Things are not perfect all the time, nor should they be.
It's so easy when I am giving someone else advice on how to deal with this situation by telling them to just let it go, who cares, it's no big deal, you can change your mind, just pray........
But when it comes to me, oh my mind tells me this is the worst thing ever. No one has ever had it this bad before and I better get good and obsessed about it all.
I start reciting all the lines of the conversation or situation at hand. It's like an afternoon tv special going on in my head. Then I get even crazier and start adding things they didn't say just to make it all more juicy and exciting! I start reciting my lines as well, what I will say when I speak to them again.
It takes over and it won't stop. Once I recognize that my mind is plagued with this situation I start to immediately say the serenity prayer. I know I need relief once it really starts to change my mood on the outside. I can't focus on things around me and I get very agitated. So I begin the recovery process yet again. I start by praying every time my mind begins thinking about this crap in hopes that I can change my mind, but my sickness is strong and it doesn't really work well at first.
So I start reading my literature and try to meditate a little more to help ease the pain.
Still I go through every scenario possible. I take a different angle to the situation as time goes on.
At first I might be very angry and stand offish about all of this and then I may get very apologetic in a very sarcastic way and it usually ends with a good old I don't give a shit.
Still every clear moment, I catch myself thinking about this shit.
That gets frustrating, just the idea that I cannot let go of this in my head starts to get me down.
Eventually, slowly over a period of time, I will begin to forget about all of this and forgive those involved, including myself. I let it go and move on. I slowly become free once again from the bondage of self. That's what I wanted all along! How come to it didn't happen quicker? I still want what I want when I want it and recovery is still a process. It takes time. I have come to the understanding that I'm going to have to probably suffer a little bit but in the end it all goes away. The important thing today is that I don't use over it.
That's a miracle!
I need to recognize that I am growing and give myself a break. The longer I stay in recovery and continue to work the spiritual principles into my life, the easier it all gets. What used to cause a huge bender now only causes a day or two of bad thinking. That's pretty good.
The more I recognize my own disease,
the more I realize others are sick as well and we are just trying to get along on this big rock until we die.
God is good and so is life today in recovery.