"Everyday, everyday I have the blues. If you see me worrying woman, it's you I hate to lose." Poetry from the great B.B. King.
I turned 50 years old last week, something I am damn proud of. I was certain I would not live this long. I made terrible choices and lived life like there was no tomorrow. I was selfish, self-centered and insecure. I often dreamed of dying "high" so I would not have to deal with the mess I had made of my life. But...that never happened. God had a plan. (Insert whatever God you like.) It may sound a little corny, but it's true. I was not meant to die at 32 years old, strung out on the streets. I tried, I just wouldn't die. I finally sobered up accepting the idea that I would not play music again. To me, music needed suffering in order to have any substance. Soon I found out sobriety made me a real songwriter, a true artist. I hadn't really been feeling much before that, I was just drunk and high. In sobriety I had to deal with my feelings head on. Now I was truly suffering :) What I mean to say is that after 17 years of recovery and sobriety from drugs and alcohol I realize now more than ever that we are all suffering. Life is suffering. Our bodies are deteriorating every second of every day that we walk this planet. We can take good care of ourselves, but we are dying nonetheless. We are all suffering the same - from the rich to the poor - top to the bottom.....no one makes it out alive. Of course, some suffer immeasurably more due to circumstances of poverty, abuse, mental health, physical health....but everyone is suffering the human experience. I really do not need to add anymore suffering to this life, it is painful at best. I get joy from my family, my loved ones, my friends. I get joy from food, sex, music, art, and so on - like everyone else. The huge difference that has taken place in my years of sobriety is peace of mind. My spiritual life has taken hold and now leads the way. I pray everyday, all day. My day is one continual prayer of gratitude. I am thankful for my blessings and I am thankful for my suffering. It sounds crazy, but when I am thankful for "everything" in my day - including the painful parts, the stress, the drama - I understand it is part of a bigger picture and when I turn it over to trust my spirit and trust in my Higher Power I realize I am not alone. This isn't happening to "Me" - it's happening to all of us, all of the time. We are connected and we suffer together. This moment of time we are sharing is ours. When you consider how long this planet has been here, how long humans have existed and how long they will continue to exist - our time here is minute. It is nothing.....but it is ours. That is why we believe the world revolves around us, because we are here right now. Those that came before us felt the same way and those that will be here after we are long gone.....will feel the same way as well. This is our time. Our time to suffer, our time to be thankful. Life will end and everyone we know will die. But we are here right now together and that is incredible. We can cover this experience with drugs and alcohol and hate and anger or we can be open to the experience and live again like there is no tomorrow. My life now is one continual prayer of gratitude. My spirit is leading the way and I am along for the ride.
Life is joyful when I am thankful. Everyday I have the blues, and I am loving every minute of It.
Happy Thanksgiving - Peace, Love, Zito
