I hope you had a wonderful day with friends and family and were able to eat some good food. I was very lucky to do just that. I was home all week with the girls and we had a big dinner with everyone at my mother-in-law's house. Pam, Laura's mother, is an excellent cook and the food was wonderful. I am always thankful when someone cooks for me! I don't think it gets any better in life. We played a big game of dominoes after dinner that lasted for hours with about 8 people at the table, which is usually really fun. But...I was accused of cheating. I had turned over 7 of my dominoes and they sucked and I had not turned over the 8th domino just yet and I thought I would trade it out for a new one before I was all in. Laura caught me and very sternly told me that was cheating and to put it back. Everyone had a giggle, except Laura who is VERY serious about "playing" games, and me. I did not have a giggle. I got pretty upset. I wasn't cheating and I got embarrassed if you can believe it being called out in front of everyone by my wife. I stayed upset for quite a while and just couldn't shake the feeling. Why was I so upset over something so silly? Normally I would be laughing and arguing and having fun but I was tired and emotionally sensitive. It all seems so stupid and trivial but I realized later that evening that I was not doing well with everything going on with Laura's cancer. It's been a lot lately and I guess I just have kept it inside and then I let it show over something so silly. I talked to Laura later that night and it made me feel a lot better, but I try not to bring that burden to Laura as she has enough on her plate to deal with just trying to focus on healing and treatment. I try to be strong, carry on, and make things as "normal" as possible in the house for her and the kids. People ask me all the time about Laura and then they ask "and how are you doing?" and I answer "I guess I am doing ok, I don't know." Which is really the truth, I just don't really know. I don't always take a lot of time to think about how I am doing because I want to focus on moving forward. I put my energy into work and music and the record label. I keep myself busy with guitars and work and that helps my mind to stay positive. But it's hard, it's been pretty hard. When I talk to Laura she sounds the same. When I text Laura she has the same personality and sense of humor that I love. Then I see Laura and I am immediately reminded that she is very sick and is going through treatment. I wake up in the mornings and the first thing I think is Laura has cancer. I go to bed at night and the last thing I think is Laura has cancer. It's always there, all the time, and never goes away. Of course, I pray and meditate and talk to my sponsor which all help a lot but it's still always there like a rash. Things are the same these days and they are extremely different and now the new normal. I truly believe it's harder watching your loved one go through this than if I had to deal with it myself. People who have been in my shoes have told me the same thing, they understand. I try not to make this about me, this is about Laura, but we all have to deal with this change in our lives. I guess I hadn't realized how I was feeling until I got caught swapping out a domino on Thanksgiving. LOL - onward and upward my friends.
So, how is Laura doing?
Laura is doing AMAZING! She is seriously kicking ass and feeling better than ever. She had her treatment changed back in October and it has made a world of difference in her quality of life. She doesn't really get sick anymore, she's not tired all the time and she's keeping her weight on. She eats really well and looks amazing. Her Doctor told us the most important factor in her healing is if she is feeling good and she feels really good. They run labs on her blood every time she goes in for treatment and they run numbers on her liver and her tumor marker for her pancreas. These numbers will show how the treatment is working. If her numbers go up, the cancer is growing and if they go down the cancer is shrinking and the chemo is working. Back in August her tumor marker number was as high as 6300. I don't really know what that means because it's all based on millimeters of her tumor, but that was a high number. Last Friday her tumor marker was 900!!! It has continually gone down over the past months. Her liver numbers are all down as well. It's been a real miracle to watch her slowly feel better. Her doctor is so pleased with her progress. They will run scans next Wednesday and we pray that the cancer has retreated and gotten smaller. Right now she is scheduled for two more chemotherapy treatments that will finish before the end of December. If she continues to do well and the cancer is cooled down the doctors will decide what the next plan of action will be for Laura. The options vary from immunotherapy, chemo pills, we're just not sure yet. The important thing is that the cancer is retreating and she feels so much better than she did just months ago.
So there you go - I figured you should know what's happening. I will continue to try and keep you up to date on her progress and feel free to continue to pray, good thoughts, or whatever you got to send this girl some positive energy. We are doing really good and I am thankful for her healing.
We are also thankful for you. For the years of support and love.
Peace, Love, Zito