Closure

Well as many of you know,
I am finishing my time with the Royal Southern Brotherhood and continuing on
with my own group and career.
I have been making my own records since the late 1990's and to this date I have 10
albums of my own, both independent and on labels.
I am not bragging, but my point is I have been doing my own thing for a long time
and I have always intended on keeping that my main focus.
I love playing in the RSB group, it's been a lot of fun and I have learned a lot.
It's always nice to get an opportunity to pull you out of your element and put you
in a different position to truly appreciate what you're capable of doing and what it
takes to make a marriage work with others. I really consider my time with this
"Supergroup" as a likening to being cast into the NFL after playing College level.
Maybe you were the Quarterback on your team back at Ohio State, but we've decided
you're gonna be a Wide Receiver here.
I have said all I have to say about the musicians individually and my love for each of them.
I truly appreciate the fans worldwide for all of the support.
This group has actually brought me closer to fulfilling my own personal dreams by
bringing me to a larger limelight.  I am so thankful that today I can walk away proud
and confident of where I am going and what I am doing.

All of this being said, it brings up a wonderful spiritual concept of closure.
Many times in our lives we walk away from loved ones, marriages, parents
but we carry with us the division for a long time after we have actually left.
We think of what could have been, should have been and never really accept what it
was.  An angry teenager leaves the home too early because they are mad at the parents
and that anger carries on for years and is never quite settled.
Even later in life there is a division between the parents and this child from something
that happened long ago.
I do my best to think of matters spiritually and take everyone into consideration.
Obviously in the end I do whats best for me and my family, but I am thinking of how
it will affect others as I am doing so. I am looking for the easier, softer way in every situation.
If I can let everyone know that this closure is not personal, not angry but out of love,
everyone should be equally understanding and supportive.
Of course, this is not always true. Not everyone is basing their thoughts and considerations
on spiritual principles and they get their feelings hurt and take it very personal.
When we leave on an angry note, a divorce, it is painful and can take years to amend.
But if we can look ahead before we walk away and become brave enough to know that this is
whats best for all involved, it can be beautiful and bittersweet.
Maybe the teenager and the parents realize later in life that this was the best thing for both of them.
The child needed to learn some lessons the hard way and the parents needed to let go and give it
to God.  Trusting the process is usually, always the best bet in the end, but certainly not easy.
It requires a lot of faith and prayer.
I think to achieve true closure is to accept things as they are and be grateful for what it was.
Celebrate the good times and the bad times (which were probably not that bad after all).
Life is ever changing, and if we don't change with it, if we don't adapt to the world around us,
we will begin to die.  The true explorer, the witness in us all, has a need to walk away.
Sometimes walking away gives us the perspective to see things for the absolute truth.
We could always have done better or worse, that doesn't really matter anymore.
It is what it is and so be it.
Life is so short, and to live conflicted is just painful at best.
Take chances, believe in who we are or want to be, walk away and try a new door....
They are constantly opening for us when we look where we are going,
but if we stare at the ground or wrap up in our ego's, we lose sight of our
path.

Not that my leaving this group is such a grandiose experience, it's just part of life.
Time to move on and celebrate the good times we shared.
I am thankful for my life and the support I have to make my dreams come true.
In a world full of pain, I am one of the luckiest men alive.

Peace, Love Zito

Give it away...give it away now

Ha!
 A little Red Hot Chili Peppers reference for you!!

So, if you're in a recovery program of any kind you are familiar with the phrase
"You've got to give it away to keep it".
Which means, once you've been given the gift of recovery, you need to share your
experience, strength, and hope with others that are in need.
Not just out of a moral obligation, but also it's how you continue to be in recovery.
Just like a true "Diet" is a lifestyle change, not just eating differently for 30 days to lose
a few pounds and then back to the binge, so is the recovery process.
It is a spiritual awakening, a psychic change that continues onward and upward.
You don't just get clean and then go home and say thanks, you have to keep going
and working and stay on the path that becomes more narrow with each new turn.
That is just the way it is.

Service work is something we can all relate to, recovery based or not.
When we help our communities by giving of our time and our service,
we are not only helping the community at hand, we are truly helping ourselves.
No one can deny the great feeling of humility and gratitude we receive when
helping others.  It is almost a selfish endeavor. It feels good inside and out.
It almost always helps us more than it helps the recipients.
We walk away feeling thankful and humble, we appreciate what we have and where
we are in our lives today.
So why don't we do it more?  Why do we not take part in this pleasure more often?
Just like most things spiritual, I put them off until they are really needed.
I know praying and meditating feels good and is so good for me and my peace of mind,
yet I don't do it as often as I should and a lot of times wait until I have some drama
and then I hit my knees begging for help.
Had I been "Prayed Up", this drama might not hurt at all........truly humorous.

In recovery, service work is a must. Working with others is necessary.
We have to give back, again not under obligation, but because our lives depend on it.
Mostly out of true selfishness, I need to work with others to be reminded of who I am.
When I hear the horror stories of those just coming off the streets, it reminds me of the horror
story of my life when I got here.  I was not doing good at all, life sucked and it hurt real bad.
But 10 and a half years later, my life is pretty awesome. I have everything I ever dreamed of and I
am so far from the drugs and the alcohol, it's easy to forget the bad times.
But the bad times got me here. The shit life I was leading of pain and suffering is the direct
result that got me in recovery. Being an addict is the reason I have a successful life today.
I know that is hard to comprehend, but if I was not an addict, I would have never worked those
beautiful steps and received the greatest gift of all, awareness.
With that awareness, I have been able to seek my dreams and have them come true before my very eyes.  That awareness of a spiritual world, applying spiritual principles, has helped me to achieve
everything I have today. I am thankful for being an addict and an alcoholic.
But I can lose it all if I allow my obsessive, compulsive, self-centered, egotistical mind to
take over yet again. It happens all the time. I am not immune.
I must be reminded that all I have is a daily reprieve, just for today.
One day at a time, one step at a time......
I have the disease of addiction and it centers in my mind.
So as much as I would like a big pat on the back for helping others and doing service work,
it's not necessary. I am truly helping myself.
I'd love to think that I am saving lives when I work with others, but the only life I am really
saving is my own.
And if you read this blog and think "Wow, Mike Zito is a great guy who writes this blog to help
others!"  Thats just really not true :)
I write this blog to help myself. I need to hear what I am saying the most.
It's like repeating lines to a movie I am - I am memorizing my lines for life.

I need to be constantly reminded on a daily basis who I am and whats wrong with me.
If I stopped reading my literature, going to my meetings and working with others,
I would soon forget who I am and my crazy mind would start to tell me that maybe
it's ok to start doing the things I used to do.
So, day in and day out I do the work and walk the walk, thats who I am and thats what I do.
Like it or not, I am addict.

Like my sponsor always says - "Thats just the way it is, so suck it up."

Approach

Approach

I learned this definition of this word from reading a simple jazz guitar book years ago.....  "Approach".
It mentioned to consider your approach when getting ready to take your guitar solo.

Thats all it said, but it stuck with me.  It has been something I have really tried to implement
into my musical life but as most things with music, so it is with life.
I look at any situation and consider the best approach, or at least I try.
If my wife or band mate or child is struggling with something and they are making a fuss
about it, I want to rush in and tell them they are wrong for feeling that way,
they need to look at it like this and they should get over it.
I may even be correct in my assumption, but the approach is SO wrong.
What I am actually saying to the other person is that they shouldn't be allowed to be a human being.
They should be super-human.
Everyone should be allowed to be frustrated, upset, crabby, etc.
I also don't have to get involved at all, I can just stay out of it and continue on my merry way.
That is usually the best approach.
But.....

Rather than telling my wife she is wrong for feeling that way,
I don't say anything and I listen to her. When she's done talking and looks at me
my first words are "You have every right to feel that way." or "I would feel the same way."
This will allow her to feel that I am on her team, I feel for her.
If she asks me what I would do.....then I might offer her my thoughts, but only then.
Obviously, this works on every human I come in contact with.

I have found that the best approach always is to consider the other person I am dealing with
and how I might feel if I were in their shoes.
When I talk to my band mates, I try and get their perspective on things, instead of just telling
them this is how it's gonna go down.  It might still go down the way I intended, but by
including them in the process, they feel "a part" and not "apart".
They are much more likely to believe in me and my idea when I include them.
The same goes for any situation where I am leading or trying to get a particular result.

Musically, approach is everything.  If I just barge into the musical situation, loud and proud
and inconsiderate, I am not really making music.
First of all, there is a song. The song has qualities and a certain feel and dynamic.
I need to listen to the song and try and interpret these qualities the best I can.
Do I need to play hard? soft? distorted? clean? loud? quiet? - less notes, more notes.....etc.
What are the other musicians playing? Maybe I should try and coordinate with them.
This is just the beginning.  Then their are very musical elements, like melody, harmony, rhythm.
All require the correct approach if I am going to rise to the occasion.

Spirituality has everything to do with my approach to anything in life.
I read the book "How to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie years ago.
It is a very simple book on approach.  A "How to" on being a leader and getting people
to join you in your endeavors.  Many people would think by the title or the content that this
is a book on manipulation, but it is actually a very spiritual book.
In the book Carnegie states many times that if your purpose is whats best for the whole
and you include people in the process, you are being a true leader.
Approach is a spiritual principle.
When we take time to consider the others around us and how they might feel, I am being spiritual.
Rather than rushing in to push everyone around, I walk in slowly and ask everyone what they
are considering, then offer my idea with them in mind. I am also open minded to the fact that maybe
someone else might have a better idea than mine.  My ideas are not the only ideas and not always the best ideas.  That is humility.

Just like I try and consider my approach when I play guitar or sing to make the best music
possible, I try and consider my approach to every relationship and social interaction I have as well.
In the end, I am looking for the path of least resistance. I want harmony and content.
I have found that in life and music, it is better to be flexible and understanding, than to be stiff and unsympathetic.

Self Esteem

I get an email everyday from a friend who has me on their email list.
It is recovery related and I try and read it everyday.
Somedays I am so busy traveling, I forget and then these emails sit waiting for me.
When I see at least 2 of them, I feel bad and read them both immediately.
I'm funny like that, but I am sure we all are like this.
I read a lot of different little books to spark my spiritual experience everyday.
I try and switch it up and maybe one week or month I am reading recovery related literature,
maybe next month I am reading the Dalai Lama or some Buddhist material or some Deepak Chopra.
Just trying to keep my mind focused on the spiritual picture.
Somedays this material is nice and I like what I read and I think about it and then I move on into my day and maybe it is only in my subconscious, it's still there and it helps when I need it.
Other days I am really awe struck by the simplicity of "remembering" what I have read, like I already know this instinctually and it really makes an impact.
But then sometimes I am not reading things well. I am confused and just kind of doing my spiritual job, if you will.  It's all a little fuzzy. The world is on my mind and I am not focusing.
I am struggling in my life with a relationship or a problem financially or business and my mind will
not stop obsessing and I cannot really get the spiritual information into my brain, there is not enough room.  This is when I need direction most.  But when I cannot focus, I tend to put it aside and I stop reading or praying because I have too many "real" problems to deal with.
Obviously after enough obsession, I relinquish and get back to reading my literature, praying and meditating. I force myself to stop thinking and start breathing.  Slowly I see the light.
As I start to make progress in my own mind, I choose to read one of my books or emails and suddenly
I have found the answer to my problem. It's amazing, and it works every time.
Just what I need to hear is waiting for me, exactly when I need it the most.

Which brings me to Self Esteem.  Something few of us probably consider much as busy working adults.  It's seems like it's something we think about when teaching our kids values and instilling in our coming of age children.  Self Worth, the value of of who we are in our mind.
Obviously, Self Esteem is a part of every living human being.
We feel a certain way about ourselves, positive and negative at certain times and in certain situations,
around certain people and overall in life on planet earth.
When we handle life's challenges well and with confidence, we feel good about ourselves and
feel worthy of happiness.  When we behave badly and selfishly, or act cowardly to the world around us, we feel depressed and not worthy of happiness.
It's all a bit of self conscious manipulation.
We might feel we are good at certain things and that makes us feel good about ourselves,
very specific, but we might in general feel we are a bad person and not feel good about ourselves.
What I find personally is that overall I feel good about myself today.
I am not perfect, I am flawed and have character defects, but overall I forgive myself for being human
and give myself a break. I try to do my best and in the end I do not always succeed.
But I never give up on trying to be better, do better and learn from my mistakes.
I have learned to forgive myself for my past and let it go. I have cleaned up my side of the street
and it's time to move on.  But just as I stated earlier, self esteem can be very specific and related
to particular relationships and behaviors.  I have a particular relationship that is never going to be
a true success.  (I am down to one in my life, isn't that amazing!)
It involves my past and when it flares up it reminds me of the "old" me.
I become flustered with shame and my self esteem goes out the window.
It bruises easily.   I get angry and defensive and try and reason with unreasonable.
The argument may be very valid, but it brings up old feelings of resentment and pain.
Suddenly, I am truly feeling like I have no self worth. I am not a good person.
I wrap up in the warmth of self loathing and hide for a day or so.........just like I would when
I was actively using and drinking......but without the chemicals anymore (THANK GOD).
Still this is classic "Stinking Thinking" - thank you Al Franken.
I walk around arguing and pouting and spouting and angry for a day or two.
So as aforementioned, I finally get back into reading some positive literature and wouldn't you know
it, the email I get from my friend is about "Self Esteem".
I read it and it changes EVERYTHING IMMEDIATELY.
My self esteem is tied to this relationship based on history of bad behavior and experience and I re-experience the same feelings over and over and over every time this relationship flares up.  I do not choose to bring the "New and Improved Mike" to this old relationship, I become the old shitty version instantly. This is true Conditioning. It is sub-conscious. I have no idea I am making this choice, I think it's just "happening" to me, but I am clearly making the choice to feel this way. I am responsible.
Suddenly, I "wake up"....I ask myself what I am doing wrong here. Usually what I am doing is not wrong at all. The decision I have made that makes the relationship flare up is not wrong at all.
The negative response from the other party is their problem, not mine. What I am doing wrong is falling back into old behavior and as soon as the other party is not happy, I try and "Please" them, because I feel like a piece of shit all over again from all of these old negative experiences.
The more I try and please, the more suffering I cause myself.
I initially say "NO" and then I try and explain and excuse myself when they are not happy with "NO".
Thats when the self esteem drops to zero and I get depressive.
It's all my fault, no other person is at fault here. I am responsible for my feelings and my actions.
Finally I pick myself by the bootstraps, wash myself off, forgive myself for being human and move on.
I stop explaining and excusing and just let things be.
It's all a learning process and I guess and hope I will never stop learning.
Less thinking and more doing, thats the ticket.  Make the right decision, do my best and let go.
I cannot make everyone happy, it's just not possible and super egocentric if I think that I could.
I try my best from here on out to bring my happiness worthy - self esteem to all of my relationships and experience as best I can.  If I am making good choices, I don't have to explain anything to anyone.
If they don't think I am making good choices, thats fine, it's not my business what they think anyway.


I am thankful for the literature that saves my ass every time, at the right time.
I am thankful for the pain in the ass relationships that continue to teach me to be a better person.

I am thankful to be happy today and feel good about myself, I hope you are too.

Brighter Days

Brighter Days......

I am looking forward to the future.
I hope you are too.
Not because all of my dreams are coming true and I am living a full blessed life,
Mostly because my mind is aligning with the blessings and dreams of my life.
I have been living the dream since the day I was born.
The realization of this truth is what I am so excited about.
It's hard to believe without judgment that it took this long to have this
understanding, so many good years spent in misunderstanding, but I am thankful
that I get to spend the second half in truth and awareness with a full heart of humility.

I was performing with the Royal Southern Brotherhood this past Sunday at Crawfish Fest
in beautiful Augusta, Nj.  It was a gorgeous day, perfect weather, cool breeze, sun shining....
Lots of my friends were there to welcome myself and the band to the stage.
I had a real good time that day.
JJ Grey and Mofro were on after our set to close out the main stage.
I have been a fan for years and love his music and message.
I stood on the side of the stage and watched the band and JJ really dig into "Brighter Days".
It was a killer, soulful groove and JJ's voice was righteous.
In the middle of the song, he broke it down and the band got real quiet.
JJ began telling a story about having an epiphany a few years back when they played
the Crawfish Fest, how he realized that it wasn't only the band that was performing that day,
but the audience was performing as well, both the band and the audience were one and they
were performing for the Universe. He said he knew in that moment that it was time to stop judging everything and begin to take responsibility for his own happiness, because everything we feel,say,do
is put out into the Universe forever. He was going to try and find a silver lining in everything that happened to him, no judgments.

I was smiling ear to ear. It's a real blessing to have this awareness and understanding,
and it's truly exciting to hear others that we don't know personally acknowledge the same
awareness and understanding. Maybe this is happening all over the world, I believe it is.
It's not from a book or a speech or passed down through tradition....
It's an actual experience that is personal and real.

I am hopeful that this world is 51% committed to a new spiritual experience (actually the only
spiritual experience) especially in the Western World. Thats all we need for a change.
Brighter Days.....

Short

Life is short.
It's not really long enough to get everything done and sometimes I think
it's all in vein anyway.  But I have children and a family and I am thankful for
all of my blessings.  I try to live today like there is no tomorrow and make the most
of every moment, but I am also human and need to be reminded.
Unfortunately, I am reminded by seeing tragedy.  Loved ones and friends who lose their lives
in the blink of an eye.  It is a horrible feeling, and yet a necessary one.
I also have the same feelings to be thankful I am alive when I see my children and I hug my wife.
I am thankful to be alive today. I know you are too.
I used to think I would live forever. I never considered the possibility of dying at all.
I was young, dumb and full of you now what.  Years later, I have a healthy dose of humility and awareness. With this awareness comes the understanding that I will die.
We all will die.  That is life.
I try not to dwell on this fact, but I also keep it in the back of my mind at all times.
Sometimes I think it was better when I didn't have a fucking clue, I was so caught up in myself,
I would have never seen it coming.  But thats not true.
It is better to know today and accept this absolute truth in life, than to live selfishly blind.
I don't have to be macabre, just aware.  I want to go peacefully, and I don't have to be old and gray to do so, I just need to be aware and thankful.  If I try and make sure that I don't have any resentments,
haven't done anyone wrong, and I am making decisions based on spiritual principles, I am good to go.
If my life ended today, I could live with that. (yes, pun intended)
Certainly I do not wish for this to happen!! I have plenty of dreams and adventures and life to live,
but I really do not have any control over my demise.  I try my best to not take part in the end......
I do not SKI, RIDE MOTORCYCLES, CLIMB MOUNTAINS, DEEP SEA DIVING, RACE CARS, FLY PLANES, RUN IN TRAFFIC, DO DRUGS OR DRINK ALCOHOL.......
the list goes on.  But, that still does not keep me from just keeling over right now.
When my time comes, I will have no choice in the matter.
Mostly, my desire to stay alive is strongly based on responsibility.
I have children and a family to provide for, so I cannot die anytime soon.
Whats super ironic is that by the time we figure out how precious life is....we've blown half of it away.

Friends are beginning to go, family members too.
Slowly but surely, people I know are no longer with me physically.
I do believe they are with me spiritually.
I think of the good times we shared and remember them fondly.
I hug my kids and kiss my wife and think I've got it made......if this ends tomorrow, I was a lucky man.
I think that is how I will live the second half of my life, grateful.

"Life gets pretty precious, when there's less of it to waste."  B. Raitt

Progressive

We are either getter better or we are getting sicker.

Thats just the way it is. We can argue this fact all day long,
and if we argue against the truth, we are probably on the getting sicker side.
Life is progressive, and so is every facet of life.
Life moves forward, whether we like it or not.
We either go with the flow, or rub against the grain.
When we stop and go backwards, we disrupt the flow and cause waves
and splinters to those around of us and mostly to ourselves.

If I am not consciously striving for betterment in my spirituality,
I am falling back into my old ways.
Spirituality is a constant forward motion, that consistently seeks what is right and just.
It is never ending, there is always room for improvement.
Spirituality is a perpetual reminding of the truth.
My mind will always try and forget, but my heart beats to "re-mind".
Spiritual perfection is unattainable, but striving of perfection in spirituality is necessary.

Progress not perfection, but progressing toward perfection is what this is all about.

It is always wonderful to see myself in the light that I once dreamed of seeing myself.
But my second thought is to give myself a treat, like a dog, like I deserve something
for doing the right thing.  That, I believe is the human experience.
I need to get over myself.
Eat a cookie :)

Everything should be getting better, not worse.
Striving for greatness is our greatest attribute as human beings.
The next song I write needs to be better than the last, each record needs to push the limits
and boundaries of my last efforts.  Each day I need to try to eat better, exercise more, pray more.
I need to love my wife and children more than I did yesterday (if thats even possible).
I believe it is all possible. By getting out of myself and being less selfish with my time, my money,
and trying to make others happy, I can learn to need less and have more.

Somedays I will need rest. Sometimes I can only do enough to get through the day.
So I give myself a break, I am only human.
But the next day, I pick up my boots and strap on for more.
Get in the game and make a play.
I am not afraid of life or people today.

"The right thing is always the hardest thing to do" - Jason Isbell

Life should be hard, not easy. Accomplishments do not come to those who sit on their asses.

Today I will be progressive - Spiritually, Mentally and Physically.