Happy Holidays

A sincere and heartfelt Happy Holidays to you and yours this season.

Not sure what religion or non-religion or spiritual program or Festivus you're working......
but I think we can all agree to wish each other a happy season.
Buddha suggest that if we cannot do something to help one another, at the very least, do nothing to
harm anyone.  I try and live by those words of freedom.
When I wish no one harm, do no one harm, and try and help when I can.....I live a relatively serene life, free of drama or pain and suffering.
Life is painful at best, so I try not to contribute to my own pain.
When I go to sleep at night I think back over the day and examine my behavior.
Did I do someone wrong? Speak ill of someone? Act inappropriately?
If I can answer no to these questions....I can sleep peaceful.
If I have behaved badly, I can take time to make amends to the person the next day.

The bottom line here is that I want a good nights sleep.
Peaceful sleepers have the world in their hearts.
When I have nothing to worry about, and I have followed principles to guide my behavior,
I am at peace with myself and my maker.
I trust the process and let it all go.......I fall asleep easily and rest.

We all do not agree and have the same views of religion or politics or behavior.
But we all certainly know right from wrong, or should know if we are adults
living on Planet Earth.
So lets all agree this holiday season to have respect for one another, have faith in humanity,
and at the very least....not harm one another. It only hurts us the most and hurting ourselves
makes no sense at all.
I pray you and yours have peaceful nights of sleep and healthy days of joy.

Happiest of Holidays - Peace, Love, Zito

Have a little faith......

"Have a little faith in me"

I love that John Hiatt song, but I love every John Hiatt song.

Faith is a word that stands true for me.
I have it tattooed on my left arm, it's been there a long time.
I sometimes forget I have that tattoo, but I am gently reminded when the time is right.

Faith is defined as "confidence or trust", also as "Observance of an obligation."

Most of the time Faith is reserved for religion, at least in conversation.
We may use the word to describe our hope for an outcome, but I think rarely do
we actually consider the true meaning of the word as part of a responsibility.
In a religious or spiritual realm, faith describes our utter belief beyond proven fact.
We may not have proof of our belief in tangible human terms, but we have a strong feeling
in our soul and in our heart that our belief is real and alive.
Of course this rings true for faith in our fellow man, our husbands and our wives, in our children,
our President, and so on.  When we believe in a person, that they can succeed and will overcome,
we have faith in that person. We trust them, their integrity, their abilities, they have moxie.
Having faith in a person, the outcome of a situation, in life in general, is all based upon a belief
beyond our realm.  We are not so sure what the outcome will actually be, but we have "faith"
it will work out for the best.

"Faith without works is dead."   James 2:14-26

I am not much of a Bible quoter at all, but this certainly rings true.
Faith is absolutely in my mind, an action word.
I must HAVE faith. Acceptance is the spiritual principle for me in having faith.
I pray for the outcome of a situation, I have faith that it will work out the way it is supposed to
in Gods will, not mine, and I accept the result as spiritual in nature.
Faith is absolutely put on me. I am responsible for the action.

My faith may also require me to take some steps toward a goal.
I pray about opening a new business. I have done my part, planned and organized.
I am still not certain that the outcome will be absolute in my favor, but I have faith
in the outcome and in my planning and my organization that this will all work out.
I take the next steps on faith and open my business.

Faith is most certainly an action for me.
When I commit to having faith, I am taking a step forward based solely on my belief
and acceptance of the outcome.  I must be willing to fail to truly have faith.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Life is not for the weak at heart, it's a pretty tough game, and we all have to play to win.
I know that sounds corny and almost high school football-ish, but it's just the cold hard facts.

To me, Faith is getting involved in life, taking chances, and helping others.
When I get out of my head and spend some time helping others, doing chores,
taking care of my family, I am faith in action.
I am almost certain of the spiritual outcome when I help others.
I will feel very good about myself and my life.  I have absolute faith in the process.
So why don't I spend all of my time helping others?
Because I am human, I am selfish and self centered.
We all are, like it or not. when we can break that cycle, even just for a few minutes a day,
we get a better sense of who we are from the observers point of view.

Faith is always available to me, in abundance.
God keeps nothing from me in the spiritual world.
I only keep it from myself. The answers are readily available to any of life's problems,
if I am willing to look for them in the principles.
But my ego will always go to "Why me" and cause a little pain and suffering.....
because faith works best when I am hopeless.
Once I have put myself through enough pain, I will begin to search for the answer spiritually.
I will see my part in the situation, and begin to have faith that it will all work out.
Again, acceptance is the key principle to having true faith.

Life without faith sounds horrible. No matter what your beliefs are, belief in something
seems to give a human being hope and principles to living life on planet earth.
No one knows where we go from here, whether it is to a grand Heaven or just 6 feet under......
Faith can help make the transition easier for all of us while we're still breathing.

So, Have a little faith today. Believe in yourself, in your family and in life.
Life is better today than any other day in your life.
Stop comparing and start living. Have faith and hope and bring love to those around you.
Happiness is a state of mind.

peace, love, Zito

Reckless Abandon

I have a hopeless, desperate, romantic obsession with reckless abandon.

That is quite a sentence.

All my life I have been romantic about the idea of carelessly letting go of

the rules of the world and letting it all hang out.

It’s certainly an effect of all the 80’s movies I grew up watching, I’m certain.

I followed the rules my entire childhood and adolescent life.

Even into my early twenties I was doing what I was supposed to do for the most part.

The idea of not going along with the pack, taking the low road…the long hard low road

sounded more exciting to me, and yet I did just the opposite.

I loved music and musicians that were different and exciting.

Eddie Van Halen was always my first guitar hero and will forever be.

His guitar playing was so wild and crazy and such a departure from the stale,

straight forward playing I heard in other rock n roll.

Jimmy Page was the same way, precise but sloppy at the same time.

Songs that were about leaving it all behind and stepping into the unknown based on a whim of romance or leaving your hometown…..wooo they would really get to me.

The entire “Darkness on the Edge of Town” album will change me every time.

Music fueled my fire for reckless abandon.

If I heard the right song that had that desperation in it, that longing for letting go,

it took me to another world in my heart where I made decisions based on feeling

and not on good judgment.  Music still does the same thing to me today.

There are certain albums I can’t listen to all the time because they will really change my focus.

I of course obviously idolized these musicians and the stories of getting all messed up and playing crazy and out of control. All of my hero’s were drug addicts and alcoholics.

I really thought at some point that I would never be on the level of these guys, especially guitar players, if I didn’t start drinking and doing drugs. Once I began drinking in my early twenties

and playing gigs, I would just let go and get really crazy. People would freak out.

The next day they would tell me how awesome I played and how I was a genius.

Of course my ego began to believe all of this and I became consumed with the “Inner Genius”.

The more I drank, the better I played and so the saga began.

I truly thought that Jimi Hendrix was that good because he was on drugs.

It was a romantic story of loss of life and amazing talent brought about through the use

of drugs and alcohol. It never occurred to me that he was just maybe that good because he practiced and played the instrument all the time…..

I did that as well, but for some reason I couldn’t get past all of the rules in my head until I had a beer. The problem is that once I had a beer, I wanted a LOT of beers, and then whiskey.

Eventually it turned into cocaine and then it all went out the window.

Now that I am on the other side, of course, I see more clearly.

I understand that yes SRV was playing his ass off on drugs, but a lot of time the drugs

were playing the guitar, not SRV. Maybe he played less notes when he was sober and more precise, but they were much more considerate and emotional.

This all brings me to the point…….

A lovely man gave me an SRV recording last week in the UK.

He was a sweet man and I was very thankful for the cd. It was a live recording from

somewhere in California in 1984. But as he handed me the disc he said

“This is Stevie at his best, all messed up drugs and playing incredible!”

“I think he was much better on the drugs than he was when they cleaned him up.”

I knew what he meant and he certainly meant no harm.

He meant he loved the “Reckless Abandon”.

It’s a shame. They have both versions to compare - the messed up Stevie,

and the cleaned up Stevie.  At this point I will always take the cleaned up Stevie.

He was alive and playing from the heart. 

He didn’t die from drug abuse and made it through to live another day.

He was writing songs about recovery and sobriety and living just for today.

It was beautiful and had meaning way beyond his reckless guitar playing.

But I understood what he meant.

People are always romanced by the loss and the pain and the suffering.

It is part of the human condition. It’s who we are.

That reckless, desperate feeling can be accomplished without drugs or

the loss of life. It takes as much letting go to let go and let God.

To trust in the process and accept the outcome. To not follow the rules in my head,

but follow the feeling in my heart. It has taken years to get to this point in my life,

and especially in my music and playing. To not think so much and trust what the

Spirit decides for me to play today.  When I write a song, if I’m lucky and feeling good,

I just try and let the song come to me with no pre-conceived ideas or patterns.

Instead of thinking about the next note I’ll play during a solo, I just play.

Sure, sometimes it’s not always as good as I would like, but over time and a commitment

to continue trusting the process, my hands begin to go where they want and it sounds good.

I close my mouth when I want say stupid shit and let words that are more helpful come out.

I trust the process today, it’s the ultimate feeling of reckless abandon.

I let go and let God handle it all, the best I can.

It’s desperate and amazing and hopeful.

I have no idea whats coming next, but I know if I’m doing the right thing……

something good is coming my way.

I practice my guitar and try and be physically and mentally prepared for the stage,

then when I get there - I let it all go. Let’s see what happens next.

If I’ve done my homework and I am feeling good physically, mentally and spiritually,

I am almost certain to have a wonderful and exciting experience musically.

Today I am moved by emotion and freedom, trust and faith.

It takes a lot of humility and whole lot of awareness to let it all go,

and I am thankful for the gift of being here.

The mind is a terrible thing.....

Remember that commercial from the 80's with the egg?
"this is your brain..... (throws egg in frying pan).....this is your brain on drugs."
That was a good one, during the golden age of Nancy Reagan telling us to "Just say no".

There was another one I think for the United Negro College Fund
and the end slogan was always "A mind is a terrible thing to waste."
(which is still their slogan and a damn good one!)

"the mind is a terrible thing" has always been my slogan :)

I am continually baffled by the arc of mental illness.
It's amazing that we literally survive our own minds in this day and age.
I am a firm believer in mental illness and it's effects on folks and their families.
I love to discuss and learn in detail the cause and effect of mental illness,
specifically "Crazy"........is that a medical term? I don't know.
I love to watch movies about "crazy people", read books written by "crazy people".....
these are my people!

I just read about a Czech scientist who has a very deeply rooted theory that the protozoa
that is in cat feces is laying dormant in peoples brains and changing the way they think and feel.
Cat people are being manipulated by this protozoa.
WTF???

I am a very big fan of the podcast "Stuff You Should Know"
they have a website as well -  http://www.howstuffworks.com/
Really cool show that talks on a million different subjects where the guys do all of the research
and teach you about the subject firsthand, in a very fun, entertaining way.

So, recently I listened to their podcast "How panic attacks work"
I was VERY interested to say the least.
Strangely enough, scientists have linked a gene to causing this horrific experience.
If you have too many of this "fear" based gene, you could be a more fearful person
and in turn be more likely to have panic attacks, or panic disorder.
OR.....anyone can have a panic attack, even only once in a lifetime.
If you have a traumatic experience take place when you are a child, your brain could "wire in"
that experience and save it for years later......so 30 years later, when the time is right and everything lines up in your brain, a certain set of circumstances could trigger this release and you might have a one time only panic attack.   Thats just freaking crazy shit right there!
Now, get this - a panic attack is basically your fear factor kicking in, without any real fear or danger actually taking place, but your nervous system is being told by your brain that you are in imminent danger. The worst part is that your primary nervous system, that would usually kick in and calm you down and focus all your strength on "flight", running away, knows that there is nothing wrong, so it does NOTHING! So you just get this huge boost of adrenaline and freak out going and it doesn't stop or slow down or get focused, you just FREAK OUT.

WOW, I love learning how crazy works.
That is so unbelievably nuts. People deal with this everyday if they have Panic Disorder.
It's what causes phobias to elevators, buildings, airplanes....etc.
If you have a panic attack somewhere, you NEVER want to go there again.
Obviously they have medicine to help calm your ass down - like anti-depressants.
But the best form of relieving this craziness, is Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy.

"The cognitive model states that individuals with panic disorder often have distortions in their thinking, of which they may be unaware, and these may give rise to a cycle of fear."

So, therapists spend time with the patient explaining to them that they are actually "crazy".
(they might be a little more politically correct than yours truly)
Then they begin to work with them by letting them know that possibly their minds have been
thinking on their own and making decisions for them that are not actually based in fact.
Eventually, the outcome is to get the people to accept that something is wrong with their minds
and accept that they have panic attacks.  If you are fearful of an elevator, they get you to first imagine being on an elevator and eventually to actually get on one and see that everything is ok.
This takes a long time. If the person with this disorder can come to the state of acceptance,
they can eventually manage these attacks and sometimes they go away completely.
The best scenario is for the person to have a panic attack and be able to say to themselves
"It's ok, I'm just having a panic attack, this will pass."
Basically, getting a grip on their mind and teaching themselves to recognize their disorder.

If you realize you are crazy, you're now not as crazy as you once were.

Of course, I always relate all of this crazy to my own crazy.
Because, before I worked any steps or got into a recovery program......
I was just doing what my brain told me to do and basically thought I had no choice in the matter.
In fact, I would do things I said I would never do again, against my own will.
I would wake up and wonder why the hell did I do that???
I couldn't figure it out at all.
People told me I was a horrible person, I was selfish and self-centered and didn't care about
anyone else, just about myself. They were absolutely correct, but I didn't understand to the lengths
this selfishness extended.
The last time I got high, I was clean for 30 days.
I told myself I was going to do this new drug that a friend had and that I would only go for a few hours and then I would come home. I had to be at work the next day.
I made it perfectly clear what my intentions were and how I would handle myself.
I stayed high for 6 days and never came home, except to steal some money to buy more.
When this spree had ended and I woke up a day or so later......I KNEW something was wrong with me.  How did this happen? I did not intend for this to be the outcome and then I realized
that EVERY time I drink or do drugs, this is the same result.
This is how all the bad shit has taken place - I cannot control myself once I put in.
And then it really hit me, my mind knew this was true and continued to tell me do it anyway.
My mind would convince me it would be different this time.
It used elaborate hoaxes and stories to get my attention. I believed it every time.
I realized I was CRAZY.
I desperately needed a "Psychic Change".

Just like the Panic Disorder sufferers, or the crazy Cat people,
I needed a change of mind and heart.
What I found is that Spirituality could forever cure my mind into "right thinking".
Because no one in their "right" mind would do what I had been doing.
I slowly learned to change my thinking from selfishness and self centeredness to thinking of
others first and being considerate.  I learned to say "No" to the drugs and the alcohol because I realized it was bad for me.  That in turn helped to make better decisions in all walks of my life.
My mind still thinks some really crazy stuff, but I realize that it is crazy thinking, and move one.
I don't just do what my mind tells me to do today.
I considerate my options, I consider the outcome of my actions, and if need be - I pray about
making the right choices. When I put God first before everything I say or do, I always make the right choice.  I accept my mental illness today, it has in turn forced me into a spiritual life.
This acceptance has been a life changing decision, and I so grateful for the chance to
think clearly.

Closure

Well as many of you know,
I am finishing my time with the Royal Southern Brotherhood and continuing on
with my own group and career.
I have been making my own records since the late 1990's and to this date I have 10
albums of my own, both independent and on labels.
I am not bragging, but my point is I have been doing my own thing for a long time
and I have always intended on keeping that my main focus.
I love playing in the RSB group, it's been a lot of fun and I have learned a lot.
It's always nice to get an opportunity to pull you out of your element and put you
in a different position to truly appreciate what you're capable of doing and what it
takes to make a marriage work with others. I really consider my time with this
"Supergroup" as a likening to being cast into the NFL after playing College level.
Maybe you were the Quarterback on your team back at Ohio State, but we've decided
you're gonna be a Wide Receiver here.
I have said all I have to say about the musicians individually and my love for each of them.
I truly appreciate the fans worldwide for all of the support.
This group has actually brought me closer to fulfilling my own personal dreams by
bringing me to a larger limelight.  I am so thankful that today I can walk away proud
and confident of where I am going and what I am doing.

All of this being said, it brings up a wonderful spiritual concept of closure.
Many times in our lives we walk away from loved ones, marriages, parents
but we carry with us the division for a long time after we have actually left.
We think of what could have been, should have been and never really accept what it
was.  An angry teenager leaves the home too early because they are mad at the parents
and that anger carries on for years and is never quite settled.
Even later in life there is a division between the parents and this child from something
that happened long ago.
I do my best to think of matters spiritually and take everyone into consideration.
Obviously in the end I do whats best for me and my family, but I am thinking of how
it will affect others as I am doing so. I am looking for the easier, softer way in every situation.
If I can let everyone know that this closure is not personal, not angry but out of love,
everyone should be equally understanding and supportive.
Of course, this is not always true. Not everyone is basing their thoughts and considerations
on spiritual principles and they get their feelings hurt and take it very personal.
When we leave on an angry note, a divorce, it is painful and can take years to amend.
But if we can look ahead before we walk away and become brave enough to know that this is
whats best for all involved, it can be beautiful and bittersweet.
Maybe the teenager and the parents realize later in life that this was the best thing for both of them.
The child needed to learn some lessons the hard way and the parents needed to let go and give it
to God.  Trusting the process is usually, always the best bet in the end, but certainly not easy.
It requires a lot of faith and prayer.
I think to achieve true closure is to accept things as they are and be grateful for what it was.
Celebrate the good times and the bad times (which were probably not that bad after all).
Life is ever changing, and if we don't change with it, if we don't adapt to the world around us,
we will begin to die.  The true explorer, the witness in us all, has a need to walk away.
Sometimes walking away gives us the perspective to see things for the absolute truth.
We could always have done better or worse, that doesn't really matter anymore.
It is what it is and so be it.
Life is so short, and to live conflicted is just painful at best.
Take chances, believe in who we are or want to be, walk away and try a new door....
They are constantly opening for us when we look where we are going,
but if we stare at the ground or wrap up in our ego's, we lose sight of our
path.

Not that my leaving this group is such a grandiose experience, it's just part of life.
Time to move on and celebrate the good times we shared.
I am thankful for my life and the support I have to make my dreams come true.
In a world full of pain, I am one of the luckiest men alive.

Peace, Love Zito

Give it away...give it away now

Ha!
 A little Red Hot Chili Peppers reference for you!!

So, if you're in a recovery program of any kind you are familiar with the phrase
"You've got to give it away to keep it".
Which means, once you've been given the gift of recovery, you need to share your
experience, strength, and hope with others that are in need.
Not just out of a moral obligation, but also it's how you continue to be in recovery.
Just like a true "Diet" is a lifestyle change, not just eating differently for 30 days to lose
a few pounds and then back to the binge, so is the recovery process.
It is a spiritual awakening, a psychic change that continues onward and upward.
You don't just get clean and then go home and say thanks, you have to keep going
and working and stay on the path that becomes more narrow with each new turn.
That is just the way it is.

Service work is something we can all relate to, recovery based or not.
When we help our communities by giving of our time and our service,
we are not only helping the community at hand, we are truly helping ourselves.
No one can deny the great feeling of humility and gratitude we receive when
helping others.  It is almost a selfish endeavor. It feels good inside and out.
It almost always helps us more than it helps the recipients.
We walk away feeling thankful and humble, we appreciate what we have and where
we are in our lives today.
So why don't we do it more?  Why do we not take part in this pleasure more often?
Just like most things spiritual, I put them off until they are really needed.
I know praying and meditating feels good and is so good for me and my peace of mind,
yet I don't do it as often as I should and a lot of times wait until I have some drama
and then I hit my knees begging for help.
Had I been "Prayed Up", this drama might not hurt at all........truly humorous.

In recovery, service work is a must. Working with others is necessary.
We have to give back, again not under obligation, but because our lives depend on it.
Mostly out of true selfishness, I need to work with others to be reminded of who I am.
When I hear the horror stories of those just coming off the streets, it reminds me of the horror
story of my life when I got here.  I was not doing good at all, life sucked and it hurt real bad.
But 10 and a half years later, my life is pretty awesome. I have everything I ever dreamed of and I
am so far from the drugs and the alcohol, it's easy to forget the bad times.
But the bad times got me here. The shit life I was leading of pain and suffering is the direct
result that got me in recovery. Being an addict is the reason I have a successful life today.
I know that is hard to comprehend, but if I was not an addict, I would have never worked those
beautiful steps and received the greatest gift of all, awareness.
With that awareness, I have been able to seek my dreams and have them come true before my very eyes.  That awareness of a spiritual world, applying spiritual principles, has helped me to achieve
everything I have today. I am thankful for being an addict and an alcoholic.
But I can lose it all if I allow my obsessive, compulsive, self-centered, egotistical mind to
take over yet again. It happens all the time. I am not immune.
I must be reminded that all I have is a daily reprieve, just for today.
One day at a time, one step at a time......
I have the disease of addiction and it centers in my mind.
So as much as I would like a big pat on the back for helping others and doing service work,
it's not necessary. I am truly helping myself.
I'd love to think that I am saving lives when I work with others, but the only life I am really
saving is my own.
And if you read this blog and think "Wow, Mike Zito is a great guy who writes this blog to help
others!"  Thats just really not true :)
I write this blog to help myself. I need to hear what I am saying the most.
It's like repeating lines to a movie I am - I am memorizing my lines for life.

I need to be constantly reminded on a daily basis who I am and whats wrong with me.
If I stopped reading my literature, going to my meetings and working with others,
I would soon forget who I am and my crazy mind would start to tell me that maybe
it's ok to start doing the things I used to do.
So, day in and day out I do the work and walk the walk, thats who I am and thats what I do.
Like it or not, I am addict.

Like my sponsor always says - "Thats just the way it is, so suck it up."

Approach

Approach

I learned this definition of this word from reading a simple jazz guitar book years ago.....  "Approach".
It mentioned to consider your approach when getting ready to take your guitar solo.

Thats all it said, but it stuck with me.  It has been something I have really tried to implement
into my musical life but as most things with music, so it is with life.
I look at any situation and consider the best approach, or at least I try.
If my wife or band mate or child is struggling with something and they are making a fuss
about it, I want to rush in and tell them they are wrong for feeling that way,
they need to look at it like this and they should get over it.
I may even be correct in my assumption, but the approach is SO wrong.
What I am actually saying to the other person is that they shouldn't be allowed to be a human being.
They should be super-human.
Everyone should be allowed to be frustrated, upset, crabby, etc.
I also don't have to get involved at all, I can just stay out of it and continue on my merry way.
That is usually the best approach.
But.....

Rather than telling my wife she is wrong for feeling that way,
I don't say anything and I listen to her. When she's done talking and looks at me
my first words are "You have every right to feel that way." or "I would feel the same way."
This will allow her to feel that I am on her team, I feel for her.
If she asks me what I would do.....then I might offer her my thoughts, but only then.
Obviously, this works on every human I come in contact with.

I have found that the best approach always is to consider the other person I am dealing with
and how I might feel if I were in their shoes.
When I talk to my band mates, I try and get their perspective on things, instead of just telling
them this is how it's gonna go down.  It might still go down the way I intended, but by
including them in the process, they feel "a part" and not "apart".
They are much more likely to believe in me and my idea when I include them.
The same goes for any situation where I am leading or trying to get a particular result.

Musically, approach is everything.  If I just barge into the musical situation, loud and proud
and inconsiderate, I am not really making music.
First of all, there is a song. The song has qualities and a certain feel and dynamic.
I need to listen to the song and try and interpret these qualities the best I can.
Do I need to play hard? soft? distorted? clean? loud? quiet? - less notes, more notes.....etc.
What are the other musicians playing? Maybe I should try and coordinate with them.
This is just the beginning.  Then their are very musical elements, like melody, harmony, rhythm.
All require the correct approach if I am going to rise to the occasion.

Spirituality has everything to do with my approach to anything in life.
I read the book "How to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie years ago.
It is a very simple book on approach.  A "How to" on being a leader and getting people
to join you in your endeavors.  Many people would think by the title or the content that this
is a book on manipulation, but it is actually a very spiritual book.
In the book Carnegie states many times that if your purpose is whats best for the whole
and you include people in the process, you are being a true leader.
Approach is a spiritual principle.
When we take time to consider the others around us and how they might feel, I am being spiritual.
Rather than rushing in to push everyone around, I walk in slowly and ask everyone what they
are considering, then offer my idea with them in mind. I am also open minded to the fact that maybe
someone else might have a better idea than mine.  My ideas are not the only ideas and not always the best ideas.  That is humility.

Just like I try and consider my approach when I play guitar or sing to make the best music
possible, I try and consider my approach to every relationship and social interaction I have as well.
In the end, I am looking for the path of least resistance. I want harmony and content.
I have found that in life and music, it is better to be flexible and understanding, than to be stiff and unsympathetic.