Well, it's been said that difficult people are a blessing in our lives.
I've read that in literature and in Buddhism books.
When we have adverse situations or people around we have to look at them
as an opportunity to grow spiritually.
We never seem to learn much when things are going well and we don't have
any real problems. Those are the times when we enjoy the peace and the pink cloud.
But nothing lasts forever and somewhere around the proverbial corner is a HUGE
pain in the ass just waiting to teach us a lesson or two :)
If we are trying to live by spiritual principles and get better everyday, we have to look
at our own behavior when dealing with difficult people/situations.
What is it about this person that is rubbing me the wrong way?
They are self centered, selfish, egotistical, obnoxious, mean, clueless.......
wow, those are all the things I used to be and some I still am.
In fact, this person is what I am hoping to not be like at all.
They're reminding me of my own character defects and I do not like that one bit.
You spot it if you got it, and I believe that to a tee.
When someone's personality is just plain killing me I realize I have some more work to do.
When I cannot forgive them for being human, I probably need to learn to forgive myself.
When a painful situation arises, it's time to start praying and meditating and find the peace within.
The difference between today and my past is my reaction.
In the past I would never consider praying as an alternative to hating someone.
I would never think I need to meditate on this situation for a while before I make a judgment....
are you kidding me????
I'd just jump right in and stir the shit pot with them, probably even harder just to prove
I'm a bigger pain in the ass than they are!
When a situation or person would come along and make things all real and uncomfortable
I would immediately get to drinking and using to deal with it, and when that turned into a full
blown bender, I'd blame them for my misfortunate decisions.
Even if I am past using, I would still argue and fight and yell and say and do things I would regret.
I would cause more trouble for myself than the original person or situation posed at all.
So, if I am trying to live by spiritual principles today, I have to hold off on my feelings
and breathe and process it all before I make a move.
Sometimes, I misread the situation. Sometimes, the person isn't really doing anything wrong,
I just can't stand their personality. Sad but true.
So, I go to another person I know and trust and run my feelings by them and see if they are justified.
Am I feeling this correctly, or am I letting my ego get involved here?
This is all new to me and my way of living. Thinking about what I'm thinking about is a totally
new concept for me when I arrive in recovery. It takes years to develop this skill and train myself
to work in such a new found way.
But, I can promise you that it is a huge payoff for the world around me and especially ME!
Since I am self centered at my core, it appeals to my inner sanctum that this training and process will help me the most! I will greatly benefit from learning to deal with life and people in this manner.
Eventually I begin to see the "opportunity" in difficult people and adverse situations.
Like "Wow this guy is an asshole.......I'm gonna learn a LOT from him!"
It's life on life's terms and it's just the way it is.....
I can fight for the rest of my life or I can surrender and make the most of it all.
I am so fortunate today, without all of my using and drinking, most of the adversity in my life
has been removed. I still deal with life like anyone else and I have people that seem to make their
way in and stir up old feelings of resentments or new people that I have to learn to deal with
on a whole new level, but for the most part my life is pretty damn easy.
Mostly due to the fact that I have learned to apply the spiritual principles to everyday living.
I do not react today, at least not externally :)
I'm not perfect, but I'm trying.
I immediately know to do the right thing and I know what the right thing is to do,
and if I am just not quite sure of my choice I have numerous friends I can call and
do some fact checking for me. Like all successful people ie: Presidents, CEO's, General's -
I have people I trust to help me make the tough decisions.
I enjoy the peaceful life today and I seek it in every turn possible.
When adversity comes along, I meet it head on and deal with it right away.
The sooner the better, because nothing lasts forever and this too shall pass.....
so let's get to passing please :)
Peace, Love, Zito
Friday, September 27, 2013
Friday, August 30, 2013
A Dream Come True
What a day I had yesterday......
Sometimes in life, everything just falls into place. The stars align and you go for the ride of a lifetime.
It takes years to add it all up and in a greater time frame than I can ever imagine.
That is the experience I had yesterday in Philadelphia.
We play a lot of shows out here on the road. Mostly in Clubs, Theaters and such.
Sometimes, lately in RSB, we get to play some very cool venues.
Yesterday we played at the Philadelphia Convention Center.
It was a BIG room, with big sound and stage and lighting, very cool indeed.
Still, their was so much more to this show that made it the gig of my life.
I met my friend Steve in 2007 playing with Bugs Henderson in Texas.
Steve and I share a common struggle and belief in a recovery program together.
Steve is an avid music lover and promoter and puts on events in Texas.
We became friends and began working together. I played many bike rally's and corporate
type events over the years for Steve. He is always thinking of me when he puts events together,
and how he can help get me and my music in front of the folks.
Steve came and saw RSB in January at Austin City Limits Live with Gregg Allman.
He loved the band! Thats when the ball began to roll......
Royal Southern Brotherhood performed at the 35th World Convention (Of a Recovery Program that saved my life) yesterday in Philadelphia, Pa. for 3000 screaming addicts and alcoholics.
It was a dream come true for me. The crowd was inspiring to say the least.
It was an early day for the band after a late night. We had an 8:30am load in and the gig
was at 1pm. These are not musicians hours :)
The guys in the band were awesome and respectful and knew this meant a lot to me.
But that being said, I don't know if they considered this to be much of a gig.
A show during the day, recovering addicts.....sounds kind of dull.
But I knew that this would be the best gig ever. These are my people, and they are wild.
No one has more fun than people in recovery. They get high off the music, the vibe, the
spirituality of the experience.
We hit the stage and began rocking. They were digging it from the first note.
About 4 tunes into the set, I was to sing "Gone to Texas".
I knew I had to do it, so I walked to the mic and said loud and proud
"My name is Mike and I'm an Addict." The screams were ferocious!!! They leapt to their feet....
"I'm from the Wings of Freedom group in Nederland, Texas" More screams, even louder now.
I gave my clean date and told them what an honor and a privilege it was to be there playing music for them and with the Royal Southern Brotherhood, and then we played "Gone to Texas".
Women screamed and howled, huge grown men cried in front of the stage. I swear I saw a woman faint into her chair!!! The lights were divine and it felt like heaven. It took everything I had to hold back losing it and just crying in front of the audience, but I made it through with the help of the band
and we rocked that song like never before. Standing ovations all around the room. Cheers and Hoots and Hollers filled the room. The energy was uncontainable....mesmerizing.
Immediately we went into Fire on the Mountain and everyone got up and rushed the stage.
For the rest of the hour, 1000 people stood in front of the stage hanging on every note that was played.
They screamed so loud at times, we couldn't hear ourselves. The band smiled relentlessly, it was never ending. We finished with "One Way Out" and walked off to screams and chants so loud, we had to walk right back onstage. I walked up to the mic and said "So what you're saying is KEEP COMING BACK!"
THEY WENT CRAZY!!!!!!!!! They began chanting - KEEP COMING BACK, KEEP COMING BACK!!!!!!
The band launched into "Gimme Shelter" and the roof was officially raised.
Cyril and Devon took off to the front rocking, Charlie and Yonrico laid down the baddest groove ever.
I just stood their for a brief moment and took it all in......
10 years ago, I did not own a guitar. I had pawned them all for drug money.
I did not have a home, could not see my kids.....I was hopeless.
I began my recovery journey and thought I would never play music again. I will never be able to be around alcohol or places or people in the music world anymore.
I accepted that fact and moved forward because I knew I was killing myself and I had had enough.
If I had to live without playing music but live clean and sober, so be it.
10 years later I am playing with the Royal Southern Brotherhood in front of 3000 screaming drug addicts at the World Convention........UNREAL.
God is good and life is weird. You never know whats coming up, but when you're living right and doing the next right thing, anything is possible.
Charlie and I stayed after the show and hung out at the convention.
We met up with my friend Tom and tried to see some of the workshops and meetings, but we never got further than the hallway. People stopped us and wanted pictures, autographs, and hugs....lots of hugs.
We stood in that hallway for over an hour hugging people, from all over the world.
It was so amazing and wonderful and I was and still am in awe. It almost feels like a dream.
It certainly was a dream come true and I know in my heart that I am forever grateful. I am so grateful to the program that saved my life, gave me a real life, and brought my family and music
together. I am thankful to RSB for being a class act and really showing those addicts a good time.
This was the best gig of my life, I can't imagine any other show topping this...
Peace, Love, Zito
Sometimes in life, everything just falls into place. The stars align and you go for the ride of a lifetime.
It takes years to add it all up and in a greater time frame than I can ever imagine.
That is the experience I had yesterday in Philadelphia.
We play a lot of shows out here on the road. Mostly in Clubs, Theaters and such.
Sometimes, lately in RSB, we get to play some very cool venues.
Yesterday we played at the Philadelphia Convention Center.
It was a BIG room, with big sound and stage and lighting, very cool indeed.
Still, their was so much more to this show that made it the gig of my life.
I met my friend Steve in 2007 playing with Bugs Henderson in Texas.
Steve and I share a common struggle and belief in a recovery program together.
Steve is an avid music lover and promoter and puts on events in Texas.
We became friends and began working together. I played many bike rally's and corporate
type events over the years for Steve. He is always thinking of me when he puts events together,
and how he can help get me and my music in front of the folks.
Steve came and saw RSB in January at Austin City Limits Live with Gregg Allman.
He loved the band! Thats when the ball began to roll......
Royal Southern Brotherhood performed at the 35th World Convention (Of a Recovery Program that saved my life) yesterday in Philadelphia, Pa. for 3000 screaming addicts and alcoholics.
It was a dream come true for me. The crowd was inspiring to say the least.
It was an early day for the band after a late night. We had an 8:30am load in and the gig
was at 1pm. These are not musicians hours :)
The guys in the band were awesome and respectful and knew this meant a lot to me.
But that being said, I don't know if they considered this to be much of a gig.
A show during the day, recovering addicts.....sounds kind of dull.
But I knew that this would be the best gig ever. These are my people, and they are wild.
No one has more fun than people in recovery. They get high off the music, the vibe, the
spirituality of the experience.
We hit the stage and began rocking. They were digging it from the first note.
About 4 tunes into the set, I was to sing "Gone to Texas".
I knew I had to do it, so I walked to the mic and said loud and proud
"My name is Mike and I'm an Addict." The screams were ferocious!!! They leapt to their feet....
"I'm from the Wings of Freedom group in Nederland, Texas" More screams, even louder now.
I gave my clean date and told them what an honor and a privilege it was to be there playing music for them and with the Royal Southern Brotherhood, and then we played "Gone to Texas".
Women screamed and howled, huge grown men cried in front of the stage. I swear I saw a woman faint into her chair!!! The lights were divine and it felt like heaven. It took everything I had to hold back losing it and just crying in front of the audience, but I made it through with the help of the band
and we rocked that song like never before. Standing ovations all around the room. Cheers and Hoots and Hollers filled the room. The energy was uncontainable....mesmerizing.
Immediately we went into Fire on the Mountain and everyone got up and rushed the stage.
For the rest of the hour, 1000 people stood in front of the stage hanging on every note that was played.
They screamed so loud at times, we couldn't hear ourselves. The band smiled relentlessly, it was never ending. We finished with "One Way Out" and walked off to screams and chants so loud, we had to walk right back onstage. I walked up to the mic and said "So what you're saying is KEEP COMING BACK!"
THEY WENT CRAZY!!!!!!!!! They began chanting - KEEP COMING BACK, KEEP COMING BACK!!!!!!
The band launched into "Gimme Shelter" and the roof was officially raised.
Cyril and Devon took off to the front rocking, Charlie and Yonrico laid down the baddest groove ever.
I just stood their for a brief moment and took it all in......
10 years ago, I did not own a guitar. I had pawned them all for drug money.
I did not have a home, could not see my kids.....I was hopeless.
I began my recovery journey and thought I would never play music again. I will never be able to be around alcohol or places or people in the music world anymore.
I accepted that fact and moved forward because I knew I was killing myself and I had had enough.
If I had to live without playing music but live clean and sober, so be it.
10 years later I am playing with the Royal Southern Brotherhood in front of 3000 screaming drug addicts at the World Convention........UNREAL.
God is good and life is weird. You never know whats coming up, but when you're living right and doing the next right thing, anything is possible.
Charlie and I stayed after the show and hung out at the convention.
We met up with my friend Tom and tried to see some of the workshops and meetings, but we never got further than the hallway. People stopped us and wanted pictures, autographs, and hugs....lots of hugs.
We stood in that hallway for over an hour hugging people, from all over the world.
It was so amazing and wonderful and I was and still am in awe. It almost feels like a dream.
It certainly was a dream come true and I know in my heart that I am forever grateful. I am so grateful to the program that saved my life, gave me a real life, and brought my family and music
together. I am thankful to RSB for being a class act and really showing those addicts a good time.
This was the best gig of my life, I can't imagine any other show topping this...
Peace, Love, Zito
Monday, August 5, 2013
Nothing changes, if nothing changes....
"Well my mind's been going through them changes...."
The Buddy Miles song always hits me when I even hear the word "change".
I love that song!
Change is such a strange word and concept to analyze.
It's so simple and yet so extremely complicated at the same time. Mostly due to the nature
of what we are trying to change. It's obviously very easy to "change" clothes for an appropriate
occasion, or change direction on the road to get to where we are going in a car.
Those are just two very simple easily changeable situations in life.
I know we could list a million. Then, we get to the deeper version of change with things
like personality traits, character defects, complete ways of thinking......WHOA
these are not so easy, yet they are exactly the same.
Example: We are driving to New Orleans. We have never been there before.
We hit the road and head in what we think is the right direction, but we are going the wrong way.
Someone tells us, we need to turn around and head the other way to get there.
So, we trust them, they have been there before, we have not.......
We turn the car around and head in the right direction. End of story :)
Now, some of us would think we know it all and we don't need to ask for directions.
We would just continue driving in the wrong direction, rather than admit we were wrong.
This is a very common character defect. We know it all, we don't need any help.
Obviously you can see where I am going with this. Many of us ,in life, believe we don't need help.
We know it all, and thank you very much, but we'll continue down the wrong path....just because.
"Hard Headed" is what my mother would call that, yours probably as well.
But it's much deeper than that simple analogy. A lot of this comes from life long "Conditioning".
We were born into a family/situation with certain beliefs and customs in a country that lives and eats and works a certain way. We may have had shitty parents, wonderful parents, no parents. We might have been beat up everyday, molested, made fun of.....the list goes on.
Most of us do not reach the age of 25 without believing what was taught to us by the people before us.
We rarely make decisions, based on our own actual experiences, to justify our beliefs in God,
Politics, Love, Life etc....
It was handed down from the generation before us and they got theirs from the one before them.
I am sure I am just laying out some very simple, common facts about the condition of life that we are all aware of. My point is, it's very difficult to "change" this conditioning. Some of it is very good and
what makes us who we are, helped to build our character. To carry on traditions from our heritage.
Change is also a very frightening experience. As human beings, we are afraid of change.
We want everything to be the same, all of the time. We are creatures of habit, good or bad.
There is never any real need for "change" until we begin to hit the proverbial brick wall.
When things start to get painful, we consider the need for change.
And only when they get down right awful, do we actually do the work needed to bring about
a real change.
My drinking became a huge problem in my life. People told me I had a problem well before I
ever accepted it. Loved ones, friends, stopped me along the way and told me I was going in the wrong direction, but I did not believe them, and eventually when I did believe them, I just didn't care.
I knew I was heading in the wrong direction and that was fine with me.
Not until I suffered enough pain and misery was I willing to consider another way.
and that was just the beginning.....
I learned that in order to learn how to quit drinking, I would have to change one thing: Everything.
How I talked, how I walked, what I thought, everything must go.
I had to be willing to give myself up and start over in life. I had to come to an understanding that
everything I had believed could be wrong. That is the biggest pill to swallow.
It is the ultimate ego deflator. I had to learn to turn over all of my thinking and actions to a Higher Power. I would no longer exercise my will, I would follow the will of God....
...or to the best of my ability :)
Cause believe me, it's a life long struggle to do this work. It's a daily, repetitive, exercise.
Also, it's not always such a quick change. When I stopped drinking, immediately their were beneficial
results. The same when I stopped doing drugs and stopped smoking.
I had immediate positive results when I began to make a real effort to not lie anymore.
I can't say I have been 100% successful, but I am much better today.
But some of the real changes took place over long periods of time, and for an alcoholic mind
that is not an easy thing to deal with. I want it all, right now. I never want to wait for anything.
But I have learned to achieve some of these long term changes by practicing spiritual principles
in my life: Patience, Tolerance, Acceptance, Forgiveness, Honesty.....the list goes on.
The long term changes are the most worthwhile. Nothing comes easy in this world, and when it does,
it's not worth much at all.
The idea that today I can stay calm in the midst of the storm, I can be peaceful and not react to
difficult situations, I can accept life as it is on a daily basis and be thankful.....is a pure miracle.
These are the changes that require trust in a Power greater than myself.
Nothing changes, if nothing changes: bottom line.
In order to quit smoking, you have to actually: Not smoke anymore.
The same goes for every character defect: If I don't want people to call me a liar - I have to tell the truth.
If I want to get better at something, I have to practice. I can't just "will it" to happen.
Life does not work like that here on planet Earth. God provides me the opportunities and I have the choice to do the work necessary or not, it's up to me.
I am truly thankful for the changes in my life today. I look forward to new changes and new directions.
I am no longer afraid of change, I accept it and embrace it. Something new is coming and it
will be wonderful if I am ready, wiling and able to participate.
Peace, Love....Zito
The Buddy Miles song always hits me when I even hear the word "change".
I love that song!
Change is such a strange word and concept to analyze.
It's so simple and yet so extremely complicated at the same time. Mostly due to the nature
of what we are trying to change. It's obviously very easy to "change" clothes for an appropriate
occasion, or change direction on the road to get to where we are going in a car.
Those are just two very simple easily changeable situations in life.
I know we could list a million. Then, we get to the deeper version of change with things
like personality traits, character defects, complete ways of thinking......WHOA
these are not so easy, yet they are exactly the same.
Example: We are driving to New Orleans. We have never been there before.
We hit the road and head in what we think is the right direction, but we are going the wrong way.
Someone tells us, we need to turn around and head the other way to get there.
So, we trust them, they have been there before, we have not.......
We turn the car around and head in the right direction. End of story :)
Now, some of us would think we know it all and we don't need to ask for directions.
We would just continue driving in the wrong direction, rather than admit we were wrong.
This is a very common character defect. We know it all, we don't need any help.
Obviously you can see where I am going with this. Many of us ,in life, believe we don't need help.
We know it all, and thank you very much, but we'll continue down the wrong path....just because.
"Hard Headed" is what my mother would call that, yours probably as well.
But it's much deeper than that simple analogy. A lot of this comes from life long "Conditioning".
We were born into a family/situation with certain beliefs and customs in a country that lives and eats and works a certain way. We may have had shitty parents, wonderful parents, no parents. We might have been beat up everyday, molested, made fun of.....the list goes on.
Most of us do not reach the age of 25 without believing what was taught to us by the people before us.
We rarely make decisions, based on our own actual experiences, to justify our beliefs in God,
Politics, Love, Life etc....
It was handed down from the generation before us and they got theirs from the one before them.
I am sure I am just laying out some very simple, common facts about the condition of life that we are all aware of. My point is, it's very difficult to "change" this conditioning. Some of it is very good and
what makes us who we are, helped to build our character. To carry on traditions from our heritage.
Change is also a very frightening experience. As human beings, we are afraid of change.
We want everything to be the same, all of the time. We are creatures of habit, good or bad.
There is never any real need for "change" until we begin to hit the proverbial brick wall.
When things start to get painful, we consider the need for change.
And only when they get down right awful, do we actually do the work needed to bring about
a real change.
My drinking became a huge problem in my life. People told me I had a problem well before I
ever accepted it. Loved ones, friends, stopped me along the way and told me I was going in the wrong direction, but I did not believe them, and eventually when I did believe them, I just didn't care.
I knew I was heading in the wrong direction and that was fine with me.
Not until I suffered enough pain and misery was I willing to consider another way.
and that was just the beginning.....
I learned that in order to learn how to quit drinking, I would have to change one thing: Everything.
How I talked, how I walked, what I thought, everything must go.
I had to be willing to give myself up and start over in life. I had to come to an understanding that
everything I had believed could be wrong. That is the biggest pill to swallow.
It is the ultimate ego deflator. I had to learn to turn over all of my thinking and actions to a Higher Power. I would no longer exercise my will, I would follow the will of God....
...or to the best of my ability :)
Cause believe me, it's a life long struggle to do this work. It's a daily, repetitive, exercise.
Also, it's not always such a quick change. When I stopped drinking, immediately their were beneficial
results. The same when I stopped doing drugs and stopped smoking.
I had immediate positive results when I began to make a real effort to not lie anymore.
I can't say I have been 100% successful, but I am much better today.
But some of the real changes took place over long periods of time, and for an alcoholic mind
that is not an easy thing to deal with. I want it all, right now. I never want to wait for anything.
But I have learned to achieve some of these long term changes by practicing spiritual principles
in my life: Patience, Tolerance, Acceptance, Forgiveness, Honesty.....the list goes on.
The long term changes are the most worthwhile. Nothing comes easy in this world, and when it does,
it's not worth much at all.
The idea that today I can stay calm in the midst of the storm, I can be peaceful and not react to
difficult situations, I can accept life as it is on a daily basis and be thankful.....is a pure miracle.
These are the changes that require trust in a Power greater than myself.
Nothing changes, if nothing changes: bottom line.
In order to quit smoking, you have to actually: Not smoke anymore.
The same goes for every character defect: If I don't want people to call me a liar - I have to tell the truth.
If I want to get better at something, I have to practice. I can't just "will it" to happen.
Life does not work like that here on planet Earth. God provides me the opportunities and I have the choice to do the work necessary or not, it's up to me.
I am truly thankful for the changes in my life today. I look forward to new changes and new directions.
I am no longer afraid of change, I accept it and embrace it. Something new is coming and it
will be wonderful if I am ready, wiling and able to participate.
Peace, Love....Zito
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Awakenings
I woke up this morning in Turku, Finland.
We have been here a few days, in the same hotel, which is quite a luxury
we don't see very often. Getting a few days in the same place can really make a difference.
You can call this room home for a while. Stretch out, clean your clothes, catch up on some
work and just stop moving for a minute or two.
I've been waking up my entire life, we all have.
Most often I wake up to an alarm which I have set, other times I just come to, slowly on my own.
We move so much that it may take me a minute or two to stop and think where I am, whats going on.
These days, I have nothing to fear when I wake up.
I am not waking up in some dope house or in jail or from a night of misery and shame.
I am just waking up to my life, and it's such a good life these days.
As I practice the spiritual principles in my life I take on a deeper awakening.
My heart and soul have been living this spiritual life all along, but my mind
didn't catch up until later in life. Practicing the spiritual principles does not
make me spiritual, it's just part of the awakening process.
I have been spiritual all of my life.
I will be spiritual long after this physical life ends.
When my mind slowed down enough to entertain the thought that their was
another way to live other than the hopeless life of addiction, I began my true awakening.
It was a very long term "Coming to"......
It took a while, a long while to come around. I am in the midst of that process as I type.
Realizing that life is so much more than what is in front of me is an ongoing experience.
I still get caught up in the drama and the ins and outs of this world, we all do.
That is what "re-membering" is for, I need to take time to "re-member".
Get back to that understanding that takes all my worries away.
I am fortunate in my life today and by applying the spiritual principles,
I don't have much to worry about at all.
It is an awesome feeling of gratitude and serenity to "re-member" who I am and where
I am going in this life.
Anytime of day, in any situation or frustration, I can always go back and start over.
I never feel more gratitude than after waking up in the morning.
Before the world gets into my day with noise and problems and personalities and all
that shit, it's just me and the universe. I thank God that I am alive today and I have so much to be thankful for in my life. I often think I don't deserve all of this, but thats just an alcoholic mind.
I am still waking up as I type this morning.
It will be a beautiful day.
Peace, Love, Zito
We have been here a few days, in the same hotel, which is quite a luxury
we don't see very often. Getting a few days in the same place can really make a difference.
You can call this room home for a while. Stretch out, clean your clothes, catch up on some
work and just stop moving for a minute or two.
I've been waking up my entire life, we all have.
Most often I wake up to an alarm which I have set, other times I just come to, slowly on my own.
We move so much that it may take me a minute or two to stop and think where I am, whats going on.
These days, I have nothing to fear when I wake up.
I am not waking up in some dope house or in jail or from a night of misery and shame.
I am just waking up to my life, and it's such a good life these days.
As I practice the spiritual principles in my life I take on a deeper awakening.
My heart and soul have been living this spiritual life all along, but my mind
didn't catch up until later in life. Practicing the spiritual principles does not
make me spiritual, it's just part of the awakening process.
I have been spiritual all of my life.
I will be spiritual long after this physical life ends.
When my mind slowed down enough to entertain the thought that their was
another way to live other than the hopeless life of addiction, I began my true awakening.
It was a very long term "Coming to"......
It took a while, a long while to come around. I am in the midst of that process as I type.
Realizing that life is so much more than what is in front of me is an ongoing experience.
I still get caught up in the drama and the ins and outs of this world, we all do.
That is what "re-membering" is for, I need to take time to "re-member".
Get back to that understanding that takes all my worries away.
I am fortunate in my life today and by applying the spiritual principles,
I don't have much to worry about at all.
It is an awesome feeling of gratitude and serenity to "re-member" who I am and where
I am going in this life.
Anytime of day, in any situation or frustration, I can always go back and start over.
I never feel more gratitude than after waking up in the morning.
Before the world gets into my day with noise and problems and personalities and all
that shit, it's just me and the universe. I thank God that I am alive today and I have so much to be thankful for in my life. I often think I don't deserve all of this, but thats just an alcoholic mind.
I am still waking up as I type this morning.
It will be a beautiful day.
Peace, Love, Zito
Monday, June 3, 2013
Forgiveness
"Forgiveness is the renunciation or cessation of resentment, indignation or anger as a result of a perceived offence, disagreement, or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution"
I was always of the opinion that no matter what I did, everyone should forgive me because I'm really not a bad guy, I just did some bad things. I made some bad choices. I stole from you, but I am not really a thief, I was just high, or I REALLY needed whatever you had.
If I lied to you, it's because I really didn't know the truth..... I would lie to cover up a lie.
I was always the victim in my book. I did the things I needed to do because of some set of circumstances. If things had been different, I wouldn't have acted that way.
I can remember being very young and always feeling very entitled.
But my family never had much money, so it was so sad and just a shame that I couldn't get what I wanted......so I took it. I needed it and you should feel sorry for me, I am poor and we can't afford it.
I always assumed I would make up my dastardly deeds by showing that I am a "good" guy.
I never actually took responsibility for my actions. They were more your fault than mine.
And I was offended when you didn't forgive me for my wrong doing.
Most of my life I lived feeling entitled and demanding.
I don't know if I ever really felt bad about anything I had ever done wrong, except when I got caught.
Then I felt bad for getting caught, but not really for my actions.
I always seem to believe deep inside that I had a right to act the way I did.
It's all pretty sick and part of the deep mental illness of ego and self-centeredness.
I also would certainly never forgive you, unless of course you forgave me too :)
Master manipulator that I am, I could turn any situation around and have you apologizing to me for what I had done wrong to you. You made me feel a certain way and I felt I had the right to this bad behavior. I honestly felt like I was justified in all that I did.
It was not until the lies and cheating and stealing moved onto a new level in addiction that shame and remorse really began to take it's toll.
When the stakes were higher and the lies were bigger, I began to take notice of my behavior and the effects it had on the loved ones around me.
I wasn't lying about small things anymore, these were life changing things.
In addiction, eventually you start to bottom out. You start doing things you told yourself you would never do. For some, they hit their bottom and realize the need for change and then change their life
based on the awful situation: my wife is leaving me, I lost my job, I crashed my car....etc.
But if you are an addict/alcoholic like me - these awful things happen and you realize the need for change and pray to God that you will never do this again...........and then you do it again.....and again....
because thats the way it is.
In recovery, forgiveness plays a huge roll.
At first I am thinking that this is all about getting the people I have wronged to forgive me.
Again, I am thinking about me and not them - because it would be great if all my loved ones and friends would forgive me and love me again. I have a good excuse this time, I am an addict.
I wouldn't have done all of that shit if I wasn't!
But I learn as I go along that thats just not what its about. I lied, stole, cheated well before I was in full addiction. Addiction only highlighted these wonderful attributes of mine.
It's who I am, I am a liar, a thief and a cheat.
But I can change these things about myself, one step at a time.
I can become honest and trustworthy slowly over a period of time.
The real forgiveness begins within. Thats what I have learned in recovery.
I accept the true fact that I am selfish, self-centered, egotistical. I am a liar. I lie to get what I want
because I am so damn selfish. But once I accept this about myself, I can begin to make a change.
It starts with not lying, not cheating, not stealing. That gets easier with out drugs and alcohol.
I learn to think about my motives and think about what I am thinking about.
I question my reactions, my actions, etc.
Slowly I learn to tell the truth, to be honest and to not take things that are not mine.
I begin to respect honesty and most importantly I begin to respect myself.
I am human and humans are selfish. I am also dealing with a mental illness.
I forgive myself for being a sick human. But I also do not behave the way I once did.
The more I practice honesty and behave accordingly, the easier it gets to forgive myself.
Because nothing changes if nothing changes. But once I begin to change, I can start let go of my past and walk forward. Liar, thief, cheat - that was the old me. Today I am learning honesty, trustfulness, forgiveness. I have learned to forgive myself and in turn I have forgiven you for anything you might do, because you are human too. We are one in the same.
I have learned that to be truly forgiven by others, I will need to forgive myself first and not
take part in the old behaviors anymore. Slowly over time, my loved ones will begin to trust me again.
In order to be trustworthy, I must be trustworthy.
In order to not be a liar, I must not tell lies.
and my favorite - you can't get drunk if you don't drink.
so damn simple, but we complicate the shit out it!
peace, love, Zito
I was always of the opinion that no matter what I did, everyone should forgive me because I'm really not a bad guy, I just did some bad things. I made some bad choices. I stole from you, but I am not really a thief, I was just high, or I REALLY needed whatever you had.
If I lied to you, it's because I really didn't know the truth..... I would lie to cover up a lie.
I was always the victim in my book. I did the things I needed to do because of some set of circumstances. If things had been different, I wouldn't have acted that way.
I can remember being very young and always feeling very entitled.
But my family never had much money, so it was so sad and just a shame that I couldn't get what I wanted......so I took it. I needed it and you should feel sorry for me, I am poor and we can't afford it.
I always assumed I would make up my dastardly deeds by showing that I am a "good" guy.
I never actually took responsibility for my actions. They were more your fault than mine.
And I was offended when you didn't forgive me for my wrong doing.
Most of my life I lived feeling entitled and demanding.
I don't know if I ever really felt bad about anything I had ever done wrong, except when I got caught.
Then I felt bad for getting caught, but not really for my actions.
I always seem to believe deep inside that I had a right to act the way I did.
It's all pretty sick and part of the deep mental illness of ego and self-centeredness.
I also would certainly never forgive you, unless of course you forgave me too :)
Master manipulator that I am, I could turn any situation around and have you apologizing to me for what I had done wrong to you. You made me feel a certain way and I felt I had the right to this bad behavior. I honestly felt like I was justified in all that I did.
It was not until the lies and cheating and stealing moved onto a new level in addiction that shame and remorse really began to take it's toll.
When the stakes were higher and the lies were bigger, I began to take notice of my behavior and the effects it had on the loved ones around me.
I wasn't lying about small things anymore, these were life changing things.
In addiction, eventually you start to bottom out. You start doing things you told yourself you would never do. For some, they hit their bottom and realize the need for change and then change their life
based on the awful situation: my wife is leaving me, I lost my job, I crashed my car....etc.
But if you are an addict/alcoholic like me - these awful things happen and you realize the need for change and pray to God that you will never do this again...........and then you do it again.....and again....
because thats the way it is.
In recovery, forgiveness plays a huge roll.
At first I am thinking that this is all about getting the people I have wronged to forgive me.
Again, I am thinking about me and not them - because it would be great if all my loved ones and friends would forgive me and love me again. I have a good excuse this time, I am an addict.
I wouldn't have done all of that shit if I wasn't!
But I learn as I go along that thats just not what its about. I lied, stole, cheated well before I was in full addiction. Addiction only highlighted these wonderful attributes of mine.
It's who I am, I am a liar, a thief and a cheat.
But I can change these things about myself, one step at a time.
I can become honest and trustworthy slowly over a period of time.
The real forgiveness begins within. Thats what I have learned in recovery.
I accept the true fact that I am selfish, self-centered, egotistical. I am a liar. I lie to get what I want
because I am so damn selfish. But once I accept this about myself, I can begin to make a change.
It starts with not lying, not cheating, not stealing. That gets easier with out drugs and alcohol.
I learn to think about my motives and think about what I am thinking about.
I question my reactions, my actions, etc.
Slowly I learn to tell the truth, to be honest and to not take things that are not mine.
I begin to respect honesty and most importantly I begin to respect myself.
I am human and humans are selfish. I am also dealing with a mental illness.
I forgive myself for being a sick human. But I also do not behave the way I once did.
The more I practice honesty and behave accordingly, the easier it gets to forgive myself.
Because nothing changes if nothing changes. But once I begin to change, I can start let go of my past and walk forward. Liar, thief, cheat - that was the old me. Today I am learning honesty, trustfulness, forgiveness. I have learned to forgive myself and in turn I have forgiven you for anything you might do, because you are human too. We are one in the same.
I have learned that to be truly forgiven by others, I will need to forgive myself first and not
take part in the old behaviors anymore. Slowly over time, my loved ones will begin to trust me again.
In order to be trustworthy, I must be trustworthy.
In order to not be a liar, I must not tell lies.
and my favorite - you can't get drunk if you don't drink.
so damn simple, but we complicate the shit out it!
peace, love, Zito
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Humility or Humiliation
"Understanding that we are not unique is a good indication of humility."
Great quote from a favorite recovery book of mine.
I used to think that the word anonymity had one definition. It meant that our identity was kept publicly unknown.
Of course it does have this meaning and it comes from the Greek meaning "without a name".
But their is a deeper meaning to the word.
It brings about a spiritual principle that requires some thought.
It means that we are not unique. We are the same.
We are not apart, we are connected. We are one.
The spiritual principle of anonymity means that we remain anonymous for humility's sake.
We do not take credit for our good fortune or our good deeds, we know that they were bestowed upon us by a loving Higher Power. We are just the facilitator at times. When I cannot think of the word I want to use as I type,
I ask God to help me remember and the word is then put into my mind, almost immediately.
I trust that this care is their for me at all times, in every situation, available to us all.
When I write a song, I often think "where did that come from?"..... It came from the Spirit.
I am aware that I am not the "Great" one. I am not so great that I can think of all these things, I am borrowing them from the past or being directed by the Spirit.
My accomplishments are gifts, I am only being open minded and aware, the result is from God.
I have to do my part, I have to be here, I have to stay connected, I have to stop thinking and get out of the way
and let the Sunlight of the Spirit shine on me. But I am not unique. I am anonymous.
I am humble and practice humility at every turn or face humiliation.
I lived my life in humiliation for years. I took credit for everything good that happened, and passed the buck to God for all the shitty things. It was God's fault I lost my family and lost my job. It was God's fault I didn't have enough money and didn't get my way. Someone else was at fault for my misdoings, but I was responsible for all the great accomplishments in my life.
Today I know much better the truth.
I am responsible for all the mistakes in my life, and God is responsible for all the wonderful blessings bestowed upon me. This is the spiritual principle of anonymity.
I know that it is right to remain anonymous for my good deeds, and to not take credit for all the good things that come my way. I need to continue to share my good fortune with others, not as I am doing them a favor, but with the understanding that "what is mine is yours". This life of love and happiness is being given to me freely and I need to continue to give it away in order to keep it.
The spiritual principle of anonymity means that I am not unique, I am the same.
I am apart, not separate. I remain anonymous because it is spiritually correct.
Peace, Love, Zito
Great quote from a favorite recovery book of mine.
I used to think that the word anonymity had one definition. It meant that our identity was kept publicly unknown.
Of course it does have this meaning and it comes from the Greek meaning "without a name".
But their is a deeper meaning to the word.
It brings about a spiritual principle that requires some thought.
It means that we are not unique. We are the same.
We are not apart, we are connected. We are one.
The spiritual principle of anonymity means that we remain anonymous for humility's sake.
We do not take credit for our good fortune or our good deeds, we know that they were bestowed upon us by a loving Higher Power. We are just the facilitator at times. When I cannot think of the word I want to use as I type,
I ask God to help me remember and the word is then put into my mind, almost immediately.
I trust that this care is their for me at all times, in every situation, available to us all.
When I write a song, I often think "where did that come from?"..... It came from the Spirit.
I am aware that I am not the "Great" one. I am not so great that I can think of all these things, I am borrowing them from the past or being directed by the Spirit.
My accomplishments are gifts, I am only being open minded and aware, the result is from God.
I have to do my part, I have to be here, I have to stay connected, I have to stop thinking and get out of the way
and let the Sunlight of the Spirit shine on me. But I am not unique. I am anonymous.
I am humble and practice humility at every turn or face humiliation.
I lived my life in humiliation for years. I took credit for everything good that happened, and passed the buck to God for all the shitty things. It was God's fault I lost my family and lost my job. It was God's fault I didn't have enough money and didn't get my way. Someone else was at fault for my misdoings, but I was responsible for all the great accomplishments in my life.
Today I know much better the truth.
I am responsible for all the mistakes in my life, and God is responsible for all the wonderful blessings bestowed upon me. This is the spiritual principle of anonymity.
I know that it is right to remain anonymous for my good deeds, and to not take credit for all the good things that come my way. I need to continue to share my good fortune with others, not as I am doing them a favor, but with the understanding that "what is mine is yours". This life of love and happiness is being given to me freely and I need to continue to give it away in order to keep it.
The spiritual principle of anonymity means that I am not unique, I am the same.
I am apart, not separate. I remain anonymous because it is spiritually correct.
Peace, Love, Zito
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Feelings....fuzzy little feelings
"It doesn't really matter how you feel" - that's one of my favorite sentences ever :)
This can be a "touchy" subject (couldn't help myself), but their is truth behind the veil.
My feelings get the best of me. Not as often as they used to, but still I can get lost in how I feel.
Obviously, a lot of this has to do with just growing up and maturing as a human being,
but some of us just don't quite get a grip until later in life, and then again some of us never get a grip.
I was the worst of the worst. I would most always say "well that's just how I feel!!!"
I can't help it, that's how I "feel". Which basically means, I have no control over how I "feel".
My feelings are stronger than reality. They take over and I have no control. I say things compulsively
based on how I feel. I do things compulsively based on how I feel. My feelings justify my reactive behavior. If you hurt my feelings, I will hurt yours. I will cry and be sad.
Most often, their is no rhyme or reason to my feelings.
I over react, and often my feelings don't quite match up with the reality of the situation.
Just for understanding sake, here is a piece of definition from Wikipedia on "feel":
"Perception of the physical world does not necessarily result in a universal reaction among receivers (see emotions), but varies depending on one's tendency to handle the situation, how the situation relates to the receiver's past experiences, and any number of other factors. Feelings are also known as a state of consciousness, such as that resulting from emotions, sentiments or desires."
So......perception of the physical world does not necessarily result in a universal reaction?
You mean, that not everyone gets the same feelings from the same situation?
I guess that's why I am always looking for justification and rationalization for my feelings!
I am hoping to find someone else that sees this reaction of mine to be honest and real.
Because....here it is....wait for it........
My feelings may not align with reality.
Which means I may have a distorted understanding of the truth.
My feelings have a lot to do with my past experiences.
Which means I am not having this new experience right now, I am having
the same experience over and over from my past. I am judging.
Their are 3 sides to the truth.
Remember the Brady Bunch?
The kids would get into trouble- by breaking a vase in the house.
All we know is the vase is broken. Then the parents question the boys and girls on who
broke the vase. The boys have a story that shows that the girls broke the vase.
Then the girls have a story that proves the boys broke the vase.
Then Alice walks in and says she saw the dog come in and break the vase - the truth.
Silly, but a good way of looking at the 3 sides of the truth.
Your version, my version, reality.
I get upset or hurt over a situation. That happens to all of us.
In the past, I would just go with my feelings. I would indulge in anger and resentment.
I'd obsess over the situation. It would consume me. I'd have every right to "feel"
that way. I would never stop and think about the situation from an honest view point.
I would never ask an outsider for their input.
Today, things are different for me.
I am not allowed the luxury of "feelings".
I have learned from my past, that my feelings are never in tune.
When I first cleaned up, they were so out of whack!
I would get angry at anything and sad over nothing. Then when something truthfully sad or awful happened, I would not feel at all. I would be numb. Because ultimately, I don't want to feel
in the real world. I want to create my own feelings to enjoy for my self centered ego, I certainly don't want to take part in the real world with honest feelings of the life around me.
I would put drugs and alcohol in to cover up my real feelings, and then crazily over react to smallest things in life.
Perception is part of my disease. I do not always see the truth.
Like the Brady Bunch story - their is really only one truth.
But, I may not be privy to the truth always.
I may see it one way, you may see it another, and then an outsider may step in and reveal the truth to us both. Over time, I have learned to not trust my feelings, and in return my feelings have become more in tune. It is a process.
It's one of those baffling struggles in life - I can't get credit until I have credit :)
Once I learn to question my feelings, and understand that I misjudge situations everyday,
my feelings will start to be more truthful. And truthfully, my feelings will become more calm.
I will not over react so much, I will just kinda ride in the middle lane, and that is a very good place to be! My life before recovery was quite a roller coaster. The highs were REALLY high and the lows
were the LOWEST of LOWS! Today, most of my life is just medium. That may seem boring to some of you. You might think, that doesn't sound like so much fun, but it is the truth, and the truth will set you free. Freedom from my over reactive, inexplicable, ridiculous feelings.
When I get a strong feeling today, i question the validity. I call my sponsor or talk to a friend.
I ask them what they think of the situation. Am I over reacting? Why am I feeling so strongly?
The most powerful men and women in the world follow this process.
They have advisers. Before they make decisions, they talk to others to see if they are on track.
to sum it all up- most often it "just doesn't matter how I feel".
I have to carry on with my life. I have to do my work and take care of my responsibilities, regardless of how I feel. That is what being responsible is all about.
I have learned that feelings are like the special effects of life.
If we watched a movie and we heard gun shots and explosions but no one was shooting a gun or their were no bombs, it would be very out of place. If we saw them shooting guns and big bombs were being dropped but their were birds chirping and happy music playing- it would be really strange.
Special effects in a movie are their to enhance the story, if they were not in sync
it would be confusing.
The more awareness I achieve in my life, the stronger the state of consciousness.
The more the truth will be revealed to me.
I am thankful to the recovery process for helping me to get my feelings in sync with the reality of my life today.
This can be a "touchy" subject (couldn't help myself), but their is truth behind the veil.
My feelings get the best of me. Not as often as they used to, but still I can get lost in how I feel.
Obviously, a lot of this has to do with just growing up and maturing as a human being,
but some of us just don't quite get a grip until later in life, and then again some of us never get a grip.
I was the worst of the worst. I would most always say "well that's just how I feel!!!"
I can't help it, that's how I "feel". Which basically means, I have no control over how I "feel".
My feelings are stronger than reality. They take over and I have no control. I say things compulsively
based on how I feel. I do things compulsively based on how I feel. My feelings justify my reactive behavior. If you hurt my feelings, I will hurt yours. I will cry and be sad.
Most often, their is no rhyme or reason to my feelings.
I over react, and often my feelings don't quite match up with the reality of the situation.
Just for understanding sake, here is a piece of definition from Wikipedia on "feel":
"Perception of the physical world does not necessarily result in a universal reaction among receivers (see emotions), but varies depending on one's tendency to handle the situation, how the situation relates to the receiver's past experiences, and any number of other factors. Feelings are also known as a state of consciousness, such as that resulting from emotions, sentiments or desires."
So......perception of the physical world does not necessarily result in a universal reaction?
You mean, that not everyone gets the same feelings from the same situation?
I guess that's why I am always looking for justification and rationalization for my feelings!
I am hoping to find someone else that sees this reaction of mine to be honest and real.
Because....here it is....wait for it........
My feelings may not align with reality.
Which means I may have a distorted understanding of the truth.
My feelings have a lot to do with my past experiences.
Which means I am not having this new experience right now, I am having
the same experience over and over from my past. I am judging.
Their are 3 sides to the truth.
Remember the Brady Bunch?
The kids would get into trouble- by breaking a vase in the house.
All we know is the vase is broken. Then the parents question the boys and girls on who
broke the vase. The boys have a story that shows that the girls broke the vase.
Then the girls have a story that proves the boys broke the vase.
Then Alice walks in and says she saw the dog come in and break the vase - the truth.
Silly, but a good way of looking at the 3 sides of the truth.
Your version, my version, reality.
I get upset or hurt over a situation. That happens to all of us.
In the past, I would just go with my feelings. I would indulge in anger and resentment.
I'd obsess over the situation. It would consume me. I'd have every right to "feel"
that way. I would never stop and think about the situation from an honest view point.
I would never ask an outsider for their input.
Today, things are different for me.
I am not allowed the luxury of "feelings".
I have learned from my past, that my feelings are never in tune.
When I first cleaned up, they were so out of whack!
I would get angry at anything and sad over nothing. Then when something truthfully sad or awful happened, I would not feel at all. I would be numb. Because ultimately, I don't want to feel
in the real world. I want to create my own feelings to enjoy for my self centered ego, I certainly don't want to take part in the real world with honest feelings of the life around me.
I would put drugs and alcohol in to cover up my real feelings, and then crazily over react to smallest things in life.
Perception is part of my disease. I do not always see the truth.
Like the Brady Bunch story - their is really only one truth.
But, I may not be privy to the truth always.
I may see it one way, you may see it another, and then an outsider may step in and reveal the truth to us both. Over time, I have learned to not trust my feelings, and in return my feelings have become more in tune. It is a process.
It's one of those baffling struggles in life - I can't get credit until I have credit :)
Once I learn to question my feelings, and understand that I misjudge situations everyday,
my feelings will start to be more truthful. And truthfully, my feelings will become more calm.
I will not over react so much, I will just kinda ride in the middle lane, and that is a very good place to be! My life before recovery was quite a roller coaster. The highs were REALLY high and the lows
were the LOWEST of LOWS! Today, most of my life is just medium. That may seem boring to some of you. You might think, that doesn't sound like so much fun, but it is the truth, and the truth will set you free. Freedom from my over reactive, inexplicable, ridiculous feelings.
When I get a strong feeling today, i question the validity. I call my sponsor or talk to a friend.
I ask them what they think of the situation. Am I over reacting? Why am I feeling so strongly?
The most powerful men and women in the world follow this process.
They have advisers. Before they make decisions, they talk to others to see if they are on track.
to sum it all up- most often it "just doesn't matter how I feel".
I have to carry on with my life. I have to do my work and take care of my responsibilities, regardless of how I feel. That is what being responsible is all about.
I have learned that feelings are like the special effects of life.
If we watched a movie and we heard gun shots and explosions but no one was shooting a gun or their were no bombs, it would be very out of place. If we saw them shooting guns and big bombs were being dropped but their were birds chirping and happy music playing- it would be really strange.
Special effects in a movie are their to enhance the story, if they were not in sync
it would be confusing.
The more awareness I achieve in my life, the stronger the state of consciousness.
The more the truth will be revealed to me.
I am thankful to the recovery process for helping me to get my feelings in sync with the reality of my life today.
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