I get an email everyday from a friend who has me on their email list.
It is recovery related and I try and read it everyday.
Somedays I am so busy traveling, I forget and then these emails sit waiting for me.
When I see at least 2 of them, I feel bad and read them both immediately.
I'm funny like that, but I am sure we all are like this.
I read a lot of different little books to spark my spiritual experience everyday.
I try and switch it up and maybe one week or month I am reading recovery related literature,
maybe next month I am reading the Dalai Lama or some Buddhist material or some Deepak Chopra.
Just trying to keep my mind focused on the spiritual picture.
Somedays this material is nice and I like what I read and I think about it and then I move on into my day and maybe it is only in my subconscious, it's still there and it helps when I need it.
Other days I am really awe struck by the simplicity of "remembering" what I have read, like I already know this instinctually and it really makes an impact.
But then sometimes I am not reading things well. I am confused and just kind of doing my spiritual job, if you will. It's all a little fuzzy. The world is on my mind and I am not focusing.
I am struggling in my life with a relationship or a problem financially or business and my mind will
not stop obsessing and I cannot really get the spiritual information into my brain, there is not enough room. This is when I need direction most. But when I cannot focus, I tend to put it aside and I stop reading or praying because I have too many "real" problems to deal with.
Obviously after enough obsession, I relinquish and get back to reading my literature, praying and meditating. I force myself to stop thinking and start breathing. Slowly I see the light.
As I start to make progress in my own mind, I choose to read one of my books or emails and suddenly
I have found the answer to my problem. It's amazing, and it works every time.
Just what I need to hear is waiting for me, exactly when I need it the most.
Which brings me to Self Esteem. Something few of us probably consider much as busy working adults. It's seems like it's something we think about when teaching our kids values and instilling in our coming of age children. Self Worth, the value of of who we are in our mind.
Obviously, Self Esteem is a part of every living human being.
We feel a certain way about ourselves, positive and negative at certain times and in certain situations,
around certain people and overall in life on planet earth.
When we handle life's challenges well and with confidence, we feel good about ourselves and
feel worthy of happiness. When we behave badly and selfishly, or act cowardly to the world around us, we feel depressed and not worthy of happiness.
It's all a bit of self conscious manipulation.
We might feel we are good at certain things and that makes us feel good about ourselves,
very specific, but we might in general feel we are a bad person and not feel good about ourselves.
What I find personally is that overall I feel good about myself today.
I am not perfect, I am flawed and have character defects, but overall I forgive myself for being human
and give myself a break. I try to do my best and in the end I do not always succeed.
But I never give up on trying to be better, do better and learn from my mistakes.
I have learned to forgive myself for my past and let it go. I have cleaned up my side of the street
and it's time to move on. But just as I stated earlier, self esteem can be very specific and related
to particular relationships and behaviors. I have a particular relationship that is never going to be
a true success. (I am down to one in my life, isn't that amazing!)
It involves my past and when it flares up it reminds me of the "old" me.
I become flustered with shame and my self esteem goes out the window.
It bruises easily. I get angry and defensive and try and reason with unreasonable.
The argument may be very valid, but it brings up old feelings of resentment and pain.
Suddenly, I am truly feeling like I have no self worth. I am not a good person.
I wrap up in the warmth of self loathing and hide for a day or so.........just like I would when
I was actively using and drinking......but without the chemicals anymore (THANK GOD).
Still this is classic "Stinking Thinking" - thank you Al Franken.
I walk around arguing and pouting and spouting and angry for a day or two.
So as aforementioned, I finally get back into reading some positive literature and wouldn't you know
it, the email I get from my friend is about "Self Esteem".
I read it and it changes EVERYTHING IMMEDIATELY.
My self esteem is tied to this relationship based on history of bad behavior and experience and I re-experience the same feelings over and over and over every time this relationship flares up. I do not choose to bring the "New and Improved Mike" to this old relationship, I become the old shitty version instantly. This is true Conditioning. It is sub-conscious. I have no idea I am making this choice, I think it's just "happening" to me, but I am clearly making the choice to feel this way. I am responsible.
Suddenly, I "wake up"....I ask myself what I am doing wrong here. Usually what I am doing is not wrong at all. The decision I have made that makes the relationship flare up is not wrong at all.
The negative response from the other party is their problem, not mine. What I am doing wrong is falling back into old behavior and as soon as the other party is not happy, I try and "Please" them, because I feel like a piece of shit all over again from all of these old negative experiences.
The more I try and please, the more suffering I cause myself.
I initially say "NO" and then I try and explain and excuse myself when they are not happy with "NO".
Thats when the self esteem drops to zero and I get depressive.
It's all my fault, no other person is at fault here. I am responsible for my feelings and my actions.
Finally I pick myself by the bootstraps, wash myself off, forgive myself for being human and move on.
I stop explaining and excusing and just let things be.
It's all a learning process and I guess and hope I will never stop learning.
Less thinking and more doing, thats the ticket. Make the right decision, do my best and let go.
I cannot make everyone happy, it's just not possible and super egocentric if I think that I could.
I try my best from here on out to bring my happiness worthy - self esteem to all of my relationships and experience as best I can. If I am making good choices, I don't have to explain anything to anyone.
If they don't think I am making good choices, thats fine, it's not my business what they think anyway.
I am thankful for the literature that saves my ass every time, at the right time.
I am thankful for the pain in the ass relationships that continue to teach me to be a better person.
I am thankful to be happy today and feel good about myself, I hope you are too.
Thursday, July 3, 2014
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
Brighter Days
Brighter Days......
I am looking forward to the future.
I hope you are too.
Not because all of my dreams are coming true and I am living a full blessed life,
Mostly because my mind is aligning with the blessings and dreams of my life.
I have been living the dream since the day I was born.
The realization of this truth is what I am so excited about.
It's hard to believe without judgment that it took this long to have this
understanding, so many good years spent in misunderstanding, but I am thankful
that I get to spend the second half in truth and awareness with a full heart of humility.
I was performing with the Royal Southern Brotherhood this past Sunday at Crawfish Fest
in beautiful Augusta, Nj. It was a gorgeous day, perfect weather, cool breeze, sun shining....
Lots of my friends were there to welcome myself and the band to the stage.
I had a real good time that day.
JJ Grey and Mofro were on after our set to close out the main stage.
I have been a fan for years and love his music and message.
I stood on the side of the stage and watched the band and JJ really dig into "Brighter Days".
It was a killer, soulful groove and JJ's voice was righteous.
In the middle of the song, he broke it down and the band got real quiet.
JJ began telling a story about having an epiphany a few years back when they played
the Crawfish Fest, how he realized that it wasn't only the band that was performing that day,
but the audience was performing as well, both the band and the audience were one and they
were performing for the Universe. He said he knew in that moment that it was time to stop judging everything and begin to take responsibility for his own happiness, because everything we feel,say,do
is put out into the Universe forever. He was going to try and find a silver lining in everything that happened to him, no judgments.
I was smiling ear to ear. It's a real blessing to have this awareness and understanding,
and it's truly exciting to hear others that we don't know personally acknowledge the same
awareness and understanding. Maybe this is happening all over the world, I believe it is.
It's not from a book or a speech or passed down through tradition....
It's an actual experience that is personal and real.
I am hopeful that this world is 51% committed to a new spiritual experience (actually the only
spiritual experience) especially in the Western World. Thats all we need for a change.
Brighter Days.....
I am looking forward to the future.
I hope you are too.
Not because all of my dreams are coming true and I am living a full blessed life,
Mostly because my mind is aligning with the blessings and dreams of my life.
I have been living the dream since the day I was born.
The realization of this truth is what I am so excited about.
It's hard to believe without judgment that it took this long to have this
understanding, so many good years spent in misunderstanding, but I am thankful
that I get to spend the second half in truth and awareness with a full heart of humility.
I was performing with the Royal Southern Brotherhood this past Sunday at Crawfish Fest
in beautiful Augusta, Nj. It was a gorgeous day, perfect weather, cool breeze, sun shining....
Lots of my friends were there to welcome myself and the band to the stage.
I had a real good time that day.
JJ Grey and Mofro were on after our set to close out the main stage.
I have been a fan for years and love his music and message.
I stood on the side of the stage and watched the band and JJ really dig into "Brighter Days".
It was a killer, soulful groove and JJ's voice was righteous.
In the middle of the song, he broke it down and the band got real quiet.
JJ began telling a story about having an epiphany a few years back when they played
the Crawfish Fest, how he realized that it wasn't only the band that was performing that day,
but the audience was performing as well, both the band and the audience were one and they
were performing for the Universe. He said he knew in that moment that it was time to stop judging everything and begin to take responsibility for his own happiness, because everything we feel,say,do
is put out into the Universe forever. He was going to try and find a silver lining in everything that happened to him, no judgments.
I was smiling ear to ear. It's a real blessing to have this awareness and understanding,
and it's truly exciting to hear others that we don't know personally acknowledge the same
awareness and understanding. Maybe this is happening all over the world, I believe it is.
It's not from a book or a speech or passed down through tradition....
It's an actual experience that is personal and real.
I am hopeful that this world is 51% committed to a new spiritual experience (actually the only
spiritual experience) especially in the Western World. Thats all we need for a change.
Brighter Days.....
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
Short
Life is short.
It's not really long enough to get everything done and sometimes I think
it's all in vein anyway. But I have children and a family and I am thankful for
all of my blessings. I try to live today like there is no tomorrow and make the most
of every moment, but I am also human and need to be reminded.
Unfortunately, I am reminded by seeing tragedy. Loved ones and friends who lose their lives
in the blink of an eye. It is a horrible feeling, and yet a necessary one.
I also have the same feelings to be thankful I am alive when I see my children and I hug my wife.
I am thankful to be alive today. I know you are too.
I used to think I would live forever. I never considered the possibility of dying at all.
I was young, dumb and full of you now what. Years later, I have a healthy dose of humility and awareness. With this awareness comes the understanding that I will die.
We all will die. That is life.
I try not to dwell on this fact, but I also keep it in the back of my mind at all times.
Sometimes I think it was better when I didn't have a fucking clue, I was so caught up in myself,
I would have never seen it coming. But thats not true.
It is better to know today and accept this absolute truth in life, than to live selfishly blind.
I don't have to be macabre, just aware. I want to go peacefully, and I don't have to be old and gray to do so, I just need to be aware and thankful. If I try and make sure that I don't have any resentments,
haven't done anyone wrong, and I am making decisions based on spiritual principles, I am good to go.
If my life ended today, I could live with that. (yes, pun intended)
Certainly I do not wish for this to happen!! I have plenty of dreams and adventures and life to live,
but I really do not have any control over my demise. I try my best to not take part in the end......
I do not SKI, RIDE MOTORCYCLES, CLIMB MOUNTAINS, DEEP SEA DIVING, RACE CARS, FLY PLANES, RUN IN TRAFFIC, DO DRUGS OR DRINK ALCOHOL.......
the list goes on. But, that still does not keep me from just keeling over right now.
When my time comes, I will have no choice in the matter.
Mostly, my desire to stay alive is strongly based on responsibility.
I have children and a family to provide for, so I cannot die anytime soon.
Whats super ironic is that by the time we figure out how precious life is....we've blown half of it away.
Friends are beginning to go, family members too.
Slowly but surely, people I know are no longer with me physically.
I do believe they are with me spiritually.
I think of the good times we shared and remember them fondly.
I hug my kids and kiss my wife and think I've got it made......if this ends tomorrow, I was a lucky man.
I think that is how I will live the second half of my life, grateful.
"Life gets pretty precious, when there's less of it to waste." B. Raitt
It's not really long enough to get everything done and sometimes I think
it's all in vein anyway. But I have children and a family and I am thankful for
all of my blessings. I try to live today like there is no tomorrow and make the most
of every moment, but I am also human and need to be reminded.
Unfortunately, I am reminded by seeing tragedy. Loved ones and friends who lose their lives
in the blink of an eye. It is a horrible feeling, and yet a necessary one.
I also have the same feelings to be thankful I am alive when I see my children and I hug my wife.
I am thankful to be alive today. I know you are too.
I used to think I would live forever. I never considered the possibility of dying at all.
I was young, dumb and full of you now what. Years later, I have a healthy dose of humility and awareness. With this awareness comes the understanding that I will die.
We all will die. That is life.
I try not to dwell on this fact, but I also keep it in the back of my mind at all times.
Sometimes I think it was better when I didn't have a fucking clue, I was so caught up in myself,
I would have never seen it coming. But thats not true.
It is better to know today and accept this absolute truth in life, than to live selfishly blind.
I don't have to be macabre, just aware. I want to go peacefully, and I don't have to be old and gray to do so, I just need to be aware and thankful. If I try and make sure that I don't have any resentments,
haven't done anyone wrong, and I am making decisions based on spiritual principles, I am good to go.
If my life ended today, I could live with that. (yes, pun intended)
Certainly I do not wish for this to happen!! I have plenty of dreams and adventures and life to live,
but I really do not have any control over my demise. I try my best to not take part in the end......
I do not SKI, RIDE MOTORCYCLES, CLIMB MOUNTAINS, DEEP SEA DIVING, RACE CARS, FLY PLANES, RUN IN TRAFFIC, DO DRUGS OR DRINK ALCOHOL.......
the list goes on. But, that still does not keep me from just keeling over right now.
When my time comes, I will have no choice in the matter.
Mostly, my desire to stay alive is strongly based on responsibility.
I have children and a family to provide for, so I cannot die anytime soon.
Whats super ironic is that by the time we figure out how precious life is....we've blown half of it away.
Friends are beginning to go, family members too.
Slowly but surely, people I know are no longer with me physically.
I do believe they are with me spiritually.
I think of the good times we shared and remember them fondly.
I hug my kids and kiss my wife and think I've got it made......if this ends tomorrow, I was a lucky man.
I think that is how I will live the second half of my life, grateful.
"Life gets pretty precious, when there's less of it to waste." B. Raitt
Monday, April 28, 2014
Progressive
We are either getter better or we are getting sicker.
Thats just the way it is. We can argue this fact all day long,
and if we argue against the truth, we are probably on the getting sicker side.
Life is progressive, and so is every facet of life.
Life moves forward, whether we like it or not.
We either go with the flow, or rub against the grain.
When we stop and go backwards, we disrupt the flow and cause waves
and splinters to those around of us and mostly to ourselves.
If I am not consciously striving for betterment in my spirituality,
I am falling back into my old ways.
Spirituality is a constant forward motion, that consistently seeks what is right and just.
It is never ending, there is always room for improvement.
Spirituality is a perpetual reminding of the truth.
My mind will always try and forget, but my heart beats to "re-mind".
Spiritual perfection is unattainable, but striving of perfection in spirituality is necessary.
Progress not perfection, but progressing toward perfection is what this is all about.
It is always wonderful to see myself in the light that I once dreamed of seeing myself.
But my second thought is to give myself a treat, like a dog, like I deserve something
for doing the right thing. That, I believe is the human experience.
I need to get over myself.
Eat a cookie :)
Everything should be getting better, not worse.
Striving for greatness is our greatest attribute as human beings.
The next song I write needs to be better than the last, each record needs to push the limits
and boundaries of my last efforts. Each day I need to try to eat better, exercise more, pray more.
I need to love my wife and children more than I did yesterday (if thats even possible).
I believe it is all possible. By getting out of myself and being less selfish with my time, my money,
and trying to make others happy, I can learn to need less and have more.
Somedays I will need rest. Sometimes I can only do enough to get through the day.
So I give myself a break, I am only human.
But the next day, I pick up my boots and strap on for more.
Get in the game and make a play.
I am not afraid of life or people today.
"The right thing is always the hardest thing to do" - Jason Isbell
Life should be hard, not easy. Accomplishments do not come to those who sit on their asses.
Today I will be progressive - Spiritually, Mentally and Physically.
Thats just the way it is. We can argue this fact all day long,
and if we argue against the truth, we are probably on the getting sicker side.
Life is progressive, and so is every facet of life.
Life moves forward, whether we like it or not.
We either go with the flow, or rub against the grain.
When we stop and go backwards, we disrupt the flow and cause waves
and splinters to those around of us and mostly to ourselves.
If I am not consciously striving for betterment in my spirituality,
I am falling back into my old ways.
Spirituality is a constant forward motion, that consistently seeks what is right and just.
It is never ending, there is always room for improvement.
Spirituality is a perpetual reminding of the truth.
My mind will always try and forget, but my heart beats to "re-mind".
Spiritual perfection is unattainable, but striving of perfection in spirituality is necessary.
Progress not perfection, but progressing toward perfection is what this is all about.
It is always wonderful to see myself in the light that I once dreamed of seeing myself.
But my second thought is to give myself a treat, like a dog, like I deserve something
for doing the right thing. That, I believe is the human experience.
I need to get over myself.
Eat a cookie :)
Everything should be getting better, not worse.
Striving for greatness is our greatest attribute as human beings.
The next song I write needs to be better than the last, each record needs to push the limits
and boundaries of my last efforts. Each day I need to try to eat better, exercise more, pray more.
I need to love my wife and children more than I did yesterday (if thats even possible).
I believe it is all possible. By getting out of myself and being less selfish with my time, my money,
and trying to make others happy, I can learn to need less and have more.
Somedays I will need rest. Sometimes I can only do enough to get through the day.
So I give myself a break, I am only human.
But the next day, I pick up my boots and strap on for more.
Get in the game and make a play.
I am not afraid of life or people today.
"The right thing is always the hardest thing to do" - Jason Isbell
Life should be hard, not easy. Accomplishments do not come to those who sit on their asses.
Today I will be progressive - Spiritually, Mentally and Physically.
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Honesty
"Honesty, is such a lonely word......."
Honesty refers to a facet of moral character and connotes positive and virtuous attributes such as integrity, truthfulness, and straightforwardness, including straightforwardness of conduct, along with the absence of lying, cheating, theft, etc. Furthermore, honesty means being trustworthy, loyal, fair, and sincere.
UGHHH......you think you know what a word means and then you look it up.
What I am really saying is, YES, I know what Honesty means and it still bugs me sometimes :)
Ok, all kidding aside.
I learned what honesty was at a very young age, but not really.
I was told to "tell the truth". "Don't lie". "Do not take things that don't belong to you."
But, I also learned at a very young age, the wonderful world of manipulation.
I learned that you don't have to tell all of the truth, you can keep some for yourself.
I learned how to rationalize and justify. It's not stealing, if you don't get caught.
It's not a lie, if you believe it to be true.
If my intentions were good, it's not really lying.
Most of these attributes came from the neighborhood I lived in and the people around me.
All very loving, good people that cared about me deeply, but inevitably were not always the most
"honest" people in the world. I am not just talking about my family, I am talking about the Catholic school
I was attending, the kids and their families I knew, the world I was born into and grew up in.
I grew up in south St. Louis, Mo. Smack dab in the city, in a lower-middle class neighborhood.
Everyone was trying to get ahead and get by at the same time.
You learn to take care of yourself as a young child. I learned to get what I wanted and to manipulate the situation when it wasn't going my way.
I won't go into the juicy details, (I'll save that for a glorifying, self-absorbed autobiography)
but I learned the art of deceit.
At the age of 33, I was low down and ready to try anything.....including honesty.
My first attempts at honesty were like that of a child.
I learned to be "Cash Register" honest. I stopped stealing money or things that did not belong to me.
I was so proud of myself when I gave you back your exact change!
Baby steps......baby steps.
I learned to say the truth out loud, mostly for myself to hear.
I had been lying to myself for so long, I believed it all to be true.
Once I accepted this new truth about my life and who I was, I was able to start honestly taking
steps to change my life and change my thinking.
Honesty comes in phases in recovery, just as it does in life.
We are faced with situations (opportunities) in life where we get a chance to practice forms of honesty,
truthfulness, straightforwardness. I want to exaggerate this story to you, but it's simply not true.
Tell it like it is.
If I am keeping in my feelings about you or a situation and telling you something different, that is dishonest.
This is not easy. People pleasing is a form of dishonesty.
I will tell you what you want to hear, to manipulate the situation for whatever reason......usually selfish.
I also have learned that I don't need to tell you the truth to be hurtful.
I can simply not answer you or bow out. Telling someone the "Truth" to let them have it, is not very spiritual at all. True honesty requires consideration. If the truth is going to hurt you and it is not life threatening, world shaking or really necessary, it could be best to not say anything at all, or just be nice.
BAD EXAMPLE: "Does this dress make me look fat?"
BAD ANSWER: "No, your big fat ass makes you look fat."
Could be the truth, but just seems mean and unnecessary.
GOOD EXAMPLE: "Does this dress make me look fat?"
GOOD EXAMPLE: "If you don't feel comfortable in that dress, maybe find something else to wear."
That's how you do it Al Anon!
As life continues in recovery, I am much more honest and truthful than I have ever been in my life.
I seek the truth in all that I do and accept nothing less. (most of the time)
But my mind can still get the best of me, usually with intellectual dishonesty.
Again, manipulation.
I am not revealing all of the facts, I am keeping things to myself.
I know the truth, you do not know the truth. That is your problem. I will not tell you the truth,
because thats not my problem. I figured it out, you figure it out for yourself.
Plus, if I tell you, you won't believe me and it will cause me pain and suffering to argue with you,
so I'll just let you bobble around until maybe you figure it out for yourself, or you crash and burn.
Also, if I tell you the truth, now we both know and I am not in "Control" of this situation anymore....
YIKES!
If any of this makes sense, you are in big trouble.
Eventually though, the dishonesty wells up inside and when I am uncomfortable enough, I will tell the truth.
Usually this very intellectual, high brow form of dishonesty is a one on one, relationship type of dishonesty.
I might be honest with the entire world, except one person.
For some reason, I feel this person does not deserve the honesty.
Resentment is the culprit here, and needs to be dealt with if I am to remain clean and sober.
Whatever the situation, honesty must prevail. It will allow me to breathe and soothe my worried mind.
I will never be 100% honest, all of the time. No one will.
Like all of the spiritual principles, I will continue to do my best and when I make mistakes, hopefully learn from them. I will make mistakes. When I do finally take the step to be honest, no matter how painful it might be,
the relief behind the truth always outweighs the pain of being dishonest.
Honesty is spiritual. It is real. The truth is the truth, the only truth. Their is your story, my story and the REAL story. I am trying to see the real story, at every step of the path.
"When I'm deep inside of me
Don't be too concerned
I won't ask for nothin' while I'm gone
But when I want sincerity
Tell me where else can I turn
Cause you're the one that I depend upon"
Billy Joel
Peace, Love Zito
Honesty refers to a facet of moral character and connotes positive and virtuous attributes such as integrity, truthfulness, and straightforwardness, including straightforwardness of conduct, along with the absence of lying, cheating, theft, etc. Furthermore, honesty means being trustworthy, loyal, fair, and sincere.
UGHHH......you think you know what a word means and then you look it up.
What I am really saying is, YES, I know what Honesty means and it still bugs me sometimes :)
Ok, all kidding aside.
I learned what honesty was at a very young age, but not really.
I was told to "tell the truth". "Don't lie". "Do not take things that don't belong to you."
But, I also learned at a very young age, the wonderful world of manipulation.
I learned that you don't have to tell all of the truth, you can keep some for yourself.
I learned how to rationalize and justify. It's not stealing, if you don't get caught.
It's not a lie, if you believe it to be true.
If my intentions were good, it's not really lying.
Most of these attributes came from the neighborhood I lived in and the people around me.
All very loving, good people that cared about me deeply, but inevitably were not always the most
"honest" people in the world. I am not just talking about my family, I am talking about the Catholic school
I was attending, the kids and their families I knew, the world I was born into and grew up in.
I grew up in south St. Louis, Mo. Smack dab in the city, in a lower-middle class neighborhood.
Everyone was trying to get ahead and get by at the same time.
You learn to take care of yourself as a young child. I learned to get what I wanted and to manipulate the situation when it wasn't going my way.
I won't go into the juicy details, (I'll save that for a glorifying, self-absorbed autobiography)
but I learned the art of deceit.
At the age of 33, I was low down and ready to try anything.....including honesty.
My first attempts at honesty were like that of a child.
I learned to be "Cash Register" honest. I stopped stealing money or things that did not belong to me.
I was so proud of myself when I gave you back your exact change!
Baby steps......baby steps.
I learned to say the truth out loud, mostly for myself to hear.
I had been lying to myself for so long, I believed it all to be true.
Once I accepted this new truth about my life and who I was, I was able to start honestly taking
steps to change my life and change my thinking.
Honesty comes in phases in recovery, just as it does in life.
We are faced with situations (opportunities) in life where we get a chance to practice forms of honesty,
truthfulness, straightforwardness. I want to exaggerate this story to you, but it's simply not true.
Tell it like it is.
If I am keeping in my feelings about you or a situation and telling you something different, that is dishonest.
This is not easy. People pleasing is a form of dishonesty.
I will tell you what you want to hear, to manipulate the situation for whatever reason......usually selfish.
I also have learned that I don't need to tell you the truth to be hurtful.
I can simply not answer you or bow out. Telling someone the "Truth" to let them have it, is not very spiritual at all. True honesty requires consideration. If the truth is going to hurt you and it is not life threatening, world shaking or really necessary, it could be best to not say anything at all, or just be nice.
BAD EXAMPLE: "Does this dress make me look fat?"
BAD ANSWER: "No, your big fat ass makes you look fat."
Could be the truth, but just seems mean and unnecessary.
GOOD EXAMPLE: "Does this dress make me look fat?"
GOOD EXAMPLE: "If you don't feel comfortable in that dress, maybe find something else to wear."
That's how you do it Al Anon!
As life continues in recovery, I am much more honest and truthful than I have ever been in my life.
I seek the truth in all that I do and accept nothing less. (most of the time)
But my mind can still get the best of me, usually with intellectual dishonesty.
Again, manipulation.
I am not revealing all of the facts, I am keeping things to myself.
I know the truth, you do not know the truth. That is your problem. I will not tell you the truth,
because thats not my problem. I figured it out, you figure it out for yourself.
Plus, if I tell you, you won't believe me and it will cause me pain and suffering to argue with you,
so I'll just let you bobble around until maybe you figure it out for yourself, or you crash and burn.
Also, if I tell you the truth, now we both know and I am not in "Control" of this situation anymore....
YIKES!
If any of this makes sense, you are in big trouble.
Eventually though, the dishonesty wells up inside and when I am uncomfortable enough, I will tell the truth.
Usually this very intellectual, high brow form of dishonesty is a one on one, relationship type of dishonesty.
I might be honest with the entire world, except one person.
For some reason, I feel this person does not deserve the honesty.
Resentment is the culprit here, and needs to be dealt with if I am to remain clean and sober.
Whatever the situation, honesty must prevail. It will allow me to breathe and soothe my worried mind.
I will never be 100% honest, all of the time. No one will.
Like all of the spiritual principles, I will continue to do my best and when I make mistakes, hopefully learn from them. I will make mistakes. When I do finally take the step to be honest, no matter how painful it might be,
the relief behind the truth always outweighs the pain of being dishonest.
Honesty is spiritual. It is real. The truth is the truth, the only truth. Their is your story, my story and the REAL story. I am trying to see the real story, at every step of the path.
"When I'm deep inside of me
Don't be too concerned
I won't ask for nothin' while I'm gone
But when I want sincerity
Tell me where else can I turn
Cause you're the one that I depend upon"
Billy Joel
Peace, Love Zito
Sunday, March 16, 2014
Narrow
Everything is moving so fast......or so it seems.
Maybe I am just slowing down, taking my time.
I assume I am getting older, and with maturity comes pace.
I am surrounded by fast, ineffectual movements that seem so fleeting,
with little to no purpose but to get to the next......
That is a broad statement.
It seems to me that everything I do should count in someway.
Not with great expectations, but with purpose.
To truly be considerate and mindful, I should take steps in the right direction
no matter what I am doing or saying.....of course I fall very short.
Buddhism teaches me that I should not speak unless I have useful words to say,
but I constantly open my mouth and rabble on about nothing good.
Point taken.
Not everyone is on the same page.
This knowledge is still new to me. I am hopelessly hopeful, childlike in this way.
I still believe in my heart that we are all doing the right things for the right reasons.
We're in this together and we want to succeed in a way that is beyond our ego.
Shortly followed by a huge slap in the face......
Not everyone is on the same page.
I am trying to accept this for the truth. Mostly because I allow people to let me down.
Again, not out of expectations, but out of this childish belief that "we're all in this together".
No, we are not all in this together. Maybe in the biggest picture idea we are all in this together,
but not on a very personal level. I get frustrated with life and those around me, wondering why
they just don't get it. Why are we doing the same things but for different reasons?
It seems to me that the purpose is the key to it all.
And it is.
But we all have such different ideas of purpose and belief.
Live and let live.
That being said, I don't stop searching for the truth or for like minded people.
In fact, I search harder. I use this acceptance as fuel to strengthen my belief.
I am in constant search for other human beings that are walking this very narrow
path that I am on. It is not a path to fame or fortune, nor a path of misguided, intellectual
spiritualism for elitists......it's just my very narrow path to the truth.
Of course I ask questions, I doubt, but I continue to walk.
I am uncertain and veer off at times, but never stray.
It gets more narrow the further I walk. I look for others and there are less and less.
From what I read, what I am told and what I have learned.......
in the end it's only me and my maker.
We walk this path together. This is the only way to relieve the pain of living.
True Awareness eliminates the suffering of life.
Most of this is music based for me. Music is life and means everything to my soul.
Music done in haste or without consideration or real purpose does not transcend.
Every note should count. Every note should resonate and be whole. (pun intended)
Every note should resound with consideration and with masterfulness to any level.
Passion for ego's sake is mere bullshit. It is for children and childish.
Every note should contain love.
It should have that "I'm going for it and I am trying my best and I promise to try harder the next time"
feel. It should never be good enough.
I am not saying that music and life should not be fun.
Music and life should be complete enjoyment.
But when music is your job, your path, your passion.......
It should be PASSIONATE!
True passion. From the soul. Begging for forgiveness to a KING that this note is not worthy....
but I give you everything I've got in this one note.... and I will give you more.
Assertive, not aggressive.
Love is not aggressive.
Life is like music, music is like life.
Every breathe should count.
There are many on this path with me. We know each other.
It is unspoken. We do not have to argue or discuss, it's understood.
We lift each other up.
You remind me to slow it down. Don't be in a hurry. Take your time.
I will remind myself that we are not all on the same page, and thats ok.
It is a very narrow path with no end in sight.....I am lucky to be alive to walk it.
Peace, Love Zito
Maybe I am just slowing down, taking my time.
I assume I am getting older, and with maturity comes pace.
I am surrounded by fast, ineffectual movements that seem so fleeting,
with little to no purpose but to get to the next......
That is a broad statement.
It seems to me that everything I do should count in someway.
Not with great expectations, but with purpose.
To truly be considerate and mindful, I should take steps in the right direction
no matter what I am doing or saying.....of course I fall very short.
Buddhism teaches me that I should not speak unless I have useful words to say,
but I constantly open my mouth and rabble on about nothing good.
Point taken.
Not everyone is on the same page.
This knowledge is still new to me. I am hopelessly hopeful, childlike in this way.
I still believe in my heart that we are all doing the right things for the right reasons.
We're in this together and we want to succeed in a way that is beyond our ego.
Shortly followed by a huge slap in the face......
Not everyone is on the same page.
I am trying to accept this for the truth. Mostly because I allow people to let me down.
Again, not out of expectations, but out of this childish belief that "we're all in this together".
No, we are not all in this together. Maybe in the biggest picture idea we are all in this together,
but not on a very personal level. I get frustrated with life and those around me, wondering why
they just don't get it. Why are we doing the same things but for different reasons?
It seems to me that the purpose is the key to it all.
And it is.
But we all have such different ideas of purpose and belief.
Live and let live.
That being said, I don't stop searching for the truth or for like minded people.
In fact, I search harder. I use this acceptance as fuel to strengthen my belief.
I am in constant search for other human beings that are walking this very narrow
path that I am on. It is not a path to fame or fortune, nor a path of misguided, intellectual
spiritualism for elitists......it's just my very narrow path to the truth.
Of course I ask questions, I doubt, but I continue to walk.
I am uncertain and veer off at times, but never stray.
It gets more narrow the further I walk. I look for others and there are less and less.
From what I read, what I am told and what I have learned.......
in the end it's only me and my maker.
We walk this path together. This is the only way to relieve the pain of living.
True Awareness eliminates the suffering of life.
Most of this is music based for me. Music is life and means everything to my soul.
Music done in haste or without consideration or real purpose does not transcend.
Every note should count. Every note should resonate and be whole. (pun intended)
Every note should resound with consideration and with masterfulness to any level.
Passion for ego's sake is mere bullshit. It is for children and childish.
Every note should contain love.
It should have that "I'm going for it and I am trying my best and I promise to try harder the next time"
feel. It should never be good enough.
I am not saying that music and life should not be fun.
Music and life should be complete enjoyment.
But when music is your job, your path, your passion.......
It should be PASSIONATE!
True passion. From the soul. Begging for forgiveness to a KING that this note is not worthy....
but I give you everything I've got in this one note.... and I will give you more.
Assertive, not aggressive.
Love is not aggressive.
Life is like music, music is like life.
Every breathe should count.
There are many on this path with me. We know each other.
It is unspoken. We do not have to argue or discuss, it's understood.
We lift each other up.
You remind me to slow it down. Don't be in a hurry. Take your time.
I will remind myself that we are not all on the same page, and thats ok.
It is a very narrow path with no end in sight.....I am lucky to be alive to walk it.
Peace, Love Zito
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Tommy Lund, my brother
Well.......
I usually use this blog to share my feelings and thoughts about living clean and sober
in the weird world of rock n roll......
But, today I will share my feelings and story with you about my dear friend, Tommy Lund.
Tommy Lund was a very close friend of mine and many in this world that has left us too soon.
I met Tommy in 2009 while on tour in Europe. Our first meeting was at a club in Holland.
He was very nice and excited and gave me his card. He had taken pictures and offered to send me
the images in an email. I met Tommy again in 2010 at the Moulin Blues Fest in Holland.
This time I knew who he was and he came back stage before the show. We spoke about music and
such and really hit it off. He was very excited about me, my band and my music.
He offered to help me in anyway possible with building my career in Europe.
He told me he wrote for Bluesnews in Norway (where he is originally from) as well as other mags and online websites devoted to blues in Europe. He was also a tremendous photographer and always
had his camera with him to capture the shows. We began to stay in touch regularly online through
email and of course, Facebook. Every trip I made to Europe, Tommy found a way to get to a show and take pictures and write about the show or my new albums.
It didn't take long for Tommy and I to become fast friends, not because he was offering to help me,
but because we shared an awful lot in common. I was very happy that Tommy had taken an interest
in helping me with my career, very grateful, but very happy to have a new, real friend.
It is not easy to make friends later in life, you know what I mean.
With family, work and such, you really don't get much time to find new friends and seek out
people with similar interests, that is for the young.
I am not always a good friend. I am so busy with my touring and writing and 5 children, I do not
always reach out to people or take time to ask how they are doing. I forget to write people back, call people back and that rubs some folks the wrong way. I understand. I just don't have as much time as I wish I had for a vibrant social life. Tommy was the kind of friend, who understood and didn't really care about all of that. He would work past my shit and keep plugging along in our friendship.
Within a year or so, I was talking with Tommy everyday, every week, via Facebook, Skype, text, emails, you name it! We loved a lot of the same music and he had a wide appetite for the arts.
We both agreed that "reality" in art was most moving and really appreciated the artists that didn't hold back. The ones that shared it all and were themselves, not trying to put on a facade.
We quoted Bruce Springsteen to each other and lines from 80's movies.
Before I knew it, I had a new brother in life.
He really jumped into my career and took over posting on Facebook for me and starting my fan club,
"Zito Nation" with my good friend Joan. The two of them became a force and worked together
night and day to promote my music and new albums and endeavors.
Tommy continued to attend any european tours he could and promote me like crazy.
The BEST photo's I have of me performing live are from Tommy Lund.
Tommy's photo of me at Moulin Blues became the photo of the Blues Music Award Nomination and Win in 2010 for "Pearl River". It was also the Fender Musical Instruments photo on their artist website.
He got great shots of RSB and of me performing with Warren Haynes.
All of this time over the past 5 years, we spoke everyday in one form or another.
We joked, teased, laughed, argued (not really) and dreamed together.
Tommy had this belief in me and in my music that I don't think I had.
He convinced me that what I was doing was worthwhile and necessary. He encouraged me
to let it all out. Every time I thought I was sharing enough with the world, Tommy told me I was holding back and needed to share more. He got me to believe in myself in the biggest way.
He saw something in me that I did not see in myself and he made me a believer.
But Tommy did not just do this for me....... he did this for many, many great artists.
He was a TRUE BELIEVER. He saw through the shit and found the diamonds.
He promoted many new and unknown artists. He lived for turning people onto new music,
new art. He was a gentle, kind, sweet, warm and funny man who wanted world peace.
He pointed out when the world was wrong politically, racially, ethically and stood his ground.
He believed in the power of music and he was my friend.
Tommy was not well this past year.
His back was really hurting him and he had to stay in bed or laying down for quite a while.
He had a hard time walking or getting out and it really bothered him.
He couldn't get out to the shows like he wanted to, so instead he worked harder online,
bugging the shit out of me everyday!!! I miss that.....
We spoke so much that I took for granted our relationship. It would last for a long time I believed.
He was one of maybe 5 people that I spoke with everyday for the past 5 years.
The last I spoke with Tommy was on February 10, 2014.
Ironically that is 2/10 - 210 is a song I wrote that I have never recorded for fear that it was too personal,
but Tommy LOVED and BEGGED me to put it out someday, now I guess I have to :)
He sounded weak. He told me his back was really bad and needed to stay in bed for months.
We laughed at how much that sucked and he said he would get through it.
We made plans for him to come on tour with me in the fall in Europe.
He was sweet and said he would get better soon. We laughed and said goodbye.....
I received a message on Sunday Feb 16th in the evening that Tommy Lund had passed away.
I was in shock and total disbelief......and then it hit me
He had not sent me a message in days, he had not texted me or called me. He had not posted
anything online.......thats when I knew it was true.
Tommy Lund left us the week of February 10-16th. He died in his sleep.
It was of natural causes. He is being cremated and brought back to Norway to be buried with
his grandfather, his hero.
Tommy was my same age.
He was funny and vibrant and strong.
He was a true believer in life and in music and the arts.
We laughed a lot, and he believed in me.
He encouraged me and promoted me.
He pushed through my wall and got very close to my heart.
We made plans to rule the world.
He was my friend and I miss him.
Tommy would not want us to cry or be sad.
He would want us to celebrate life, listen to music and especially take time
to appreciate the lyrics. Seek out art in all forms and encourage others.
God bless your soul my brother. I know you are at peace in the warmth of the Spirit.
Please take time to look at Tommy's personal photography and writings:
http://tommylund.eu/
I usually use this blog to share my feelings and thoughts about living clean and sober
in the weird world of rock n roll......
But, today I will share my feelings and story with you about my dear friend, Tommy Lund.
Tommy Lund was a very close friend of mine and many in this world that has left us too soon.
I met Tommy in 2009 while on tour in Europe. Our first meeting was at a club in Holland.
He was very nice and excited and gave me his card. He had taken pictures and offered to send me
the images in an email. I met Tommy again in 2010 at the Moulin Blues Fest in Holland.
This time I knew who he was and he came back stage before the show. We spoke about music and
such and really hit it off. He was very excited about me, my band and my music.
He offered to help me in anyway possible with building my career in Europe.
He told me he wrote for Bluesnews in Norway (where he is originally from) as well as other mags and online websites devoted to blues in Europe. He was also a tremendous photographer and always
had his camera with him to capture the shows. We began to stay in touch regularly online through
email and of course, Facebook. Every trip I made to Europe, Tommy found a way to get to a show and take pictures and write about the show or my new albums.
It didn't take long for Tommy and I to become fast friends, not because he was offering to help me,
but because we shared an awful lot in common. I was very happy that Tommy had taken an interest
in helping me with my career, very grateful, but very happy to have a new, real friend.
It is not easy to make friends later in life, you know what I mean.
With family, work and such, you really don't get much time to find new friends and seek out
people with similar interests, that is for the young.
I am not always a good friend. I am so busy with my touring and writing and 5 children, I do not
always reach out to people or take time to ask how they are doing. I forget to write people back, call people back and that rubs some folks the wrong way. I understand. I just don't have as much time as I wish I had for a vibrant social life. Tommy was the kind of friend, who understood and didn't really care about all of that. He would work past my shit and keep plugging along in our friendship.
Within a year or so, I was talking with Tommy everyday, every week, via Facebook, Skype, text, emails, you name it! We loved a lot of the same music and he had a wide appetite for the arts.
We both agreed that "reality" in art was most moving and really appreciated the artists that didn't hold back. The ones that shared it all and were themselves, not trying to put on a facade.
We quoted Bruce Springsteen to each other and lines from 80's movies.
Before I knew it, I had a new brother in life.
He really jumped into my career and took over posting on Facebook for me and starting my fan club,
"Zito Nation" with my good friend Joan. The two of them became a force and worked together
night and day to promote my music and new albums and endeavors.
Tommy continued to attend any european tours he could and promote me like crazy.
The BEST photo's I have of me performing live are from Tommy Lund.
Tommy's photo of me at Moulin Blues became the photo of the Blues Music Award Nomination and Win in 2010 for "Pearl River". It was also the Fender Musical Instruments photo on their artist website.
He got great shots of RSB and of me performing with Warren Haynes.
All of this time over the past 5 years, we spoke everyday in one form or another.
We joked, teased, laughed, argued (not really) and dreamed together.
Tommy had this belief in me and in my music that I don't think I had.
He convinced me that what I was doing was worthwhile and necessary. He encouraged me
to let it all out. Every time I thought I was sharing enough with the world, Tommy told me I was holding back and needed to share more. He got me to believe in myself in the biggest way.
He saw something in me that I did not see in myself and he made me a believer.
But Tommy did not just do this for me....... he did this for many, many great artists.
He was a TRUE BELIEVER. He saw through the shit and found the diamonds.
He promoted many new and unknown artists. He lived for turning people onto new music,
new art. He was a gentle, kind, sweet, warm and funny man who wanted world peace.
He pointed out when the world was wrong politically, racially, ethically and stood his ground.
He believed in the power of music and he was my friend.
Tommy was not well this past year.
His back was really hurting him and he had to stay in bed or laying down for quite a while.
He had a hard time walking or getting out and it really bothered him.
He couldn't get out to the shows like he wanted to, so instead he worked harder online,
bugging the shit out of me everyday!!! I miss that.....
We spoke so much that I took for granted our relationship. It would last for a long time I believed.
He was one of maybe 5 people that I spoke with everyday for the past 5 years.
The last I spoke with Tommy was on February 10, 2014.
Ironically that is 2/10 - 210 is a song I wrote that I have never recorded for fear that it was too personal,
but Tommy LOVED and BEGGED me to put it out someday, now I guess I have to :)
He sounded weak. He told me his back was really bad and needed to stay in bed for months.
We laughed at how much that sucked and he said he would get through it.
We made plans for him to come on tour with me in the fall in Europe.
He was sweet and said he would get better soon. We laughed and said goodbye.....
I received a message on Sunday Feb 16th in the evening that Tommy Lund had passed away.
I was in shock and total disbelief......and then it hit me
He had not sent me a message in days, he had not texted me or called me. He had not posted
anything online.......thats when I knew it was true.
Tommy Lund left us the week of February 10-16th. He died in his sleep.
It was of natural causes. He is being cremated and brought back to Norway to be buried with
his grandfather, his hero.
Tommy was my same age.
He was funny and vibrant and strong.
He was a true believer in life and in music and the arts.
We laughed a lot, and he believed in me.
He encouraged me and promoted me.
He pushed through my wall and got very close to my heart.
We made plans to rule the world.
He was my friend and I miss him.
Tommy would not want us to cry or be sad.
He would want us to celebrate life, listen to music and especially take time
to appreciate the lyrics. Seek out art in all forms and encourage others.
God bless your soul my brother. I know you are at peace in the warmth of the Spirit.
Please take time to look at Tommy's personal photography and writings:
http://tommylund.eu/
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