Up on the mountain

Man this year is cruising by, isn't it?

It seems like I turn around and we are into the next month with no looking back.

I work on a Google calendar constantly and it seems like I live my life so much in the future that

I get lost in the "Now" sometimes, I am sure a lot of you know what I am talking about.

I can tell you where I am playing on October 15th, but I am not certain what day it is today!

But then I get days like I got yesterday.  

No hurry, no bustle, just a family day that was in no rush.

I was so tired and wore out from working all week, I couldn't have moved fast if I tried.

It just seemed like I was living in "Slow Motion".

I saw every smile on every face, I heard every word from every mouth and I enjoyed it all.

My mother-in-law is an excellent cook and we had a great big Easter dinner with all the 

family there.  The girls were playing and telling stories and my father-in-law was schooling me

on politics and I was learning.

It was one of those days where I felt like I wasn't quite in my body, I was a little outside of it

and could see myself with the others. I was there in full form but also an outsider reveling in

the comradery of loved ones. 

It's one of those days where I tell my wife I love her about a thousand times.

Yes I am grateful, yes I am thankful and I try my best to be aware, but sometimes I am the most

aware when I don't try at all and just let it happen, like yesterday.

Life happens, everyday, with or without us.

I am always knee deep in it, working, taking care of kids and goal oriented.

I have many fires to put out on any given day and that takes a lot of space up in my head,

but I am always trying to make sure I connect. Maybe it's just for a minute in the car or the shower,

I say a prayer and make contact. I always wish I could do more, and I could but I have a million excuses. It seems to me that when I take a second to just slow down and breathe, it all gets easier.

A day like yesterday doesn't happen everyday, it could not, I would get nothing done.

A friend used to say "I can't stay up on the mountain too long, I have to get back down in the valley

where the work is being done."

It is so true.

I am down in the valley today where I belong and I am doing what I need to do, but I truly

enjoyed my trip to the mountain top yesterday. It was a glorious view.

Peace, Love, Zito

Always do your best.....

Always do your best.

We have heard that since we were children.

It's one of those sayings that are cliche and sometimes just stale

if we have become jaded in life, but it still rings true in adulthood

and maybe even more now to me than ever before.

My mother was a sweet woman who grew up literally "Dirt" poor.

She lived in Ashland, Mo with her mother, brother and sister.

Her mother worked at a shoe factory and they lived in a shack,

not every room had a floor.

She came from meager beginnings and was very simple and loving.

She would always tell me "Michael, just do your best."

It seemed like the obvious childhood pep talk for life, and sometimes

not always the most spirited.

She meant it, but I think I always thought she was saying "You're shooting for the stars,

that probably won't happen. Come back down to Earth and just do your best."

From her upbringing, she had gotten out of poverty and into the middle class,

that was a big achievement in one generation.  

But I had high hopes and dreams that were way beyond our apartment in south St. Louis.

She never deterred me, but she was not always supportive. She didn't understand why

I had to have such a special life, just get a job and go to work like everyone else.

Either way, as long as I was happy and being responsible, she was happy too.

She was very supportive and proud later in life when I got my shit together and took care

of my family and I got to do so playing my music. That really made her happy.

She was a poet and really appreciated my lyrics.

I know now that she truly meant "Always do your best."

She would usually follow that up with "What else could you do?"

I don't think I have ever really given that phrase enough consideration until recently in my life.

I have been a people pleaser and an "overdoer" for years.

I am never satisfied with my life, my work, myself.

In the past few years of recovery I have truly found an inner peace to be happy with who I am

and what I do and I am very grateful for the life I live.

But from time to time I would worry to make sure that everything and everyone was getting

what they needed from me. Making sure my family was provided for, the band members

were being taken care of 100%, and that I went above and beyond to make everything count

in my life. It was never enough. I was never satisfied with my results, and sometimes

the people I gave the most to, they were never satisfied either. They always wanted more.

It finally hit me as I was working some steps and putting in some spiritual maintenance,

Just "always do your best".

Thats all I have to do, nothing more, nothing less.

I read that in the book "The Four Agreements".

It instantly reminded me of my mother and it began to make sense on a deeper, spiritual level.

Stop trying to give away more than you should, give what is the right amount in any given situation

and thats enough.  Stop trying to please everyone, because it is not possible.

Give what is necessary for each situation, just always do your best.

My life began to change last year, it made sense now.

Why worry about anything if I am always doing my best.

If I have done everything I can do, why do more?

If anyone is not happy with my best, that is there problem, not mine.

Most of the time they are more than happy with my best, I just feel the need to give more

because I can be insecure or manipulating in my people pleasing.

It is not honest or truthful or real, it's not me being me.

Suddenly everything changed.

I stopped worrying so much, I began to let it all go and just relax.

It all works out in God's time, in His will, not mine.

I just need to show up and do my best and everything is going to be fine.

It's easy to think we know what this old cliche means, but take time today to think deeper.

I don't have to do everything today, just do what needs to be done today.

I don't have to give everything to everyone, just give them what I am able to give.

In any given situation, I only need to do my best.

That is a weight off of my shoulders, because I have been working way too hard for no reason.

I gave all of my energy away and ran low and thats when I become restless, irritable and discontent.

No one else expects us to give more than our best, except ourselves.

And sometimes, we cannot do what we did yesterday or last week or last year.

We get older, tired, sick, life changes and we are human.

When I do all I can do today and it is not what I could do yesterday, I have done my best.

So I have been repeating this to myself in prayer for the past 6 months and in any situation,

when I begin to worry or stress or get my hands dirty......I listen to my mother,

and everything is fine.

Peace, Love, Zito

https://cash.me/$MikeZito

Transitional blues........

Well, here we go again.

It seems as though I am always in "Transitional" mode.
That is just the norm now and probably has been for most of my life but I was of course,
unaware. I have spent some time now in "Awareness" and for the most part it has been
a blessing, but sometimes it is difficult to deal with. Mostly due to others that are not walking
the same path. I don't always relate to those around me, and that is ok today.
Things are ever changing in this world and I have come to learn from and love the change.
I just go with the flow so-to-speak.
Just when I think I have made my mind up about how life will be, how things will go,
it all changes. Mostly the change is normal, it's my assuming I know how life is going to go,
that is the crazy part. I have no idea whats coming next, or what life will be like later today,
let alone for a set period of time.
But more and more I am released of the anxiety from expectations and I just let it all happen.
I realize now that nothing is set in stone, nothing is the way it is and it's going to change or go a direction I did not anticipate.  That is the only constant I can count on, change.
The more I can be free of rules and regulations for my life and the lives around me, I can easily
maneuver my way through the twisting turns of life up ahead.
It's really all about being flexible.
I always look forward to playing music. I am excited to sing and play my guitar.
I never want it to end and it's just pure joy.
I would envision what the show will be like and how I would play certain things a certain way,
and slowly it becomes a very controlled situation. So, when things begin to not stay true to form,
I began to not have fun. If I was tired or weary, I might forget the words to a song, or play a "wrong" chord. I would begin to become frustrated and irritable. I would push back harder and force my will upon the musical situation and things got stiffer and more uncomfortable, and eventually I have to
stop, breathe and start over or throw a huge tantrum, the latter of which I haven't done in quite some time, so yay for me!  But, the more I try and pray or meditate before I hit the stage, the more I would walk onto the stage very open minded and loose. I could become the vehicle for which the Universe
wants to use me. Maybe these chords are not "wrong" maybe it's just me and my need for things to be "Perfect". Nothing is perfect, thats true perfection. The Universe is filled with beautiful imperfection.
If I could come to enjoy the imperfection as perfection, I could become the source for more beauty to flow through me. Sounds all fluffy and weird, but it's true as true can be.
If I stop thinking about what I am playing and just play and be loose, amazing things begin to happen. I am used in a way that is beyond my ability, and the spirit moves from me to you if you're open as well.  This is what "Music" is all about. That is what "Life" is all about.
Life free of worry and concern, trusting the power of the Universe to take care of everything, that is Faith. Everything works out, it always does, just not the way I always think it should.  If I can keep my mind on giving instead of taking, I will never be let down, never uncomfortable.  I will always be at peace.  Today I will take time to pray and meditate. Today I will trust in the Power of Love and the Power of the Universe. Today, everything will be fine if I allow change to work through me.

Brand New Blues

Cyril Neville put an album out some years back called "Brand New Blues".
I always loved this album and the title track is superb.

It's a new year and new things are on the horizon for us all.
Unfortunately, our year seems to have begun with the loss of so many legendary
performers. It seems strange at times that so many leave us in a quick, short time span,
but considering how many people leave this planet on a daily basis that are not famous,
it's really not so strange at all.  (151,600 people die each day)
My point is, we all have to die, famous or not, and we are all just people, none greater
than the masses. But, it is still sad to see our favorites leave.

I am certainly not cavalier about death. It is strange, sad and confusing to us all.
I do not know anymore than anyone else what will happen to us once we leave this planet.
But I am comforted in my faith and belief that I have no control over the matter and
when my time comes, I will go peacefully.
I personally believe in a life after death, in fact I believe this physical life is mostly a dream,
and the after life is reality.

I used to be so afraid of death. I was brought up in the Catholic Church (no harm, no foul)
and I was taught that I would end up in a fiery blaze if I didn't follow all of the rules.
Today, I have no such belief of any hell or judgment. I really have no idea whatsoever
of what will come after this life, but I know it is not judgment or condemnation.
I am comforted in my belief that love awaits us all, no matter what we've done.

I do believe that this here life that I am living at the present, is my life and my life to live.
I am full responsible for all of my actions and reactions.
I create my own pain and suffering and my own joy and happiness.
God is never keeping anything from me, I only keep things from myself.
God is never punishing me, I only punish myself.
Love and Joy are always here for me, I just need to ask for love and it shall be received.

I am a product of my own decisions and behavior.

I can find the lesson and the joy in everything that happens to me, or I can find the suffering.
I choose today to find the Joy in everything I do, in every breathe I take, in every move I make.
I try not to judge myself, and in turn that helps me to not judge anyone else.
I make mistakes, and when I do I don't like the way I feel, so I tell myself I never have to feel that way again, just don't do that again. I have learned to trust my gut instincts the most.
My mind is not trustworthy. I do what I know "feels" right, I don't make choices based on decisions
made in my head after hours, days or years of contemplating the "right" move.
If it "feels" right, it's most likely the right thing to do.

At 45 years old, I have made a choice in the year of 2016 to make everything count.
Nothing will be done without passion, commitment and always doing my best.
If it doesn't "Feel" right to me, then I won't do it and move on.
Life is short, I do believe this is true. We only live once right now and it counts.
It doesn't count for points or good behavior, it counts for the next generation, for the life
we are living to leave to our children.
Life is also very long!  Sounds so conflicting, but this is true as well.
Why continue to make bad choices or do things that don't really count and have to live
through the pain and suffering of the awful results......ugh!

I am not perfect, but I am doing my best to make it count.
There certainly is "Brand New Blues" to be found in this world, no doubt life is not easy.
But if I take a second to be grateful and continue to try and give back, and have a "personal"
life and relationship with my Higher Power, everyday is worth living.

I have a feeling when I leave this planet I am going to see the Light and the Truth
and think "Aw Man, I should've had more fun!"  :)

Peace, Love....Zito

Happy Holidaze

It's Christmas Eve morning and all through the house,
I hear fighting over video games and see cookie crumbs everywhere!

Ok - my try at being cute.

All of my kids are home for Christmas, it doesn't get much better than that.
We have lots of personalities to deal with and lots of fun to be had.
I am truly thankful for this life of mine, it's quite remarkable.
13 years ago I celebrated the Christmas season on the streets and running away.
14 years ago I stole a $5 bill from a friends wallet and ate Chinese Buffet by myself.
It wasn't enough to pay for the food, but the fine folks at that restaurant felt sorry enough for me,
they fed me and let me stay as long as I needed. I was so sad that day: no kids, no family, all alone
and it was freezing outside......but looking back I was blessed to be able to eat, and lucky those
people had a heart.
Many folks will pat me on the back for my current success in life.
They say it's the American Dream. They tell me things like "Mike you've earned it"
"You worked hard and got your life back."
I am always thankful for a good pat on the back and some "At-a-boys".......
But truth be told, I had very little to do with this current state of affairs.
I have had so much help in my life, it's crazy.
Even when I was down and out, God had a hand in making sure I didn't die,
there was always someone there to bail me out and keep me alive.
It has been no different in recovery.
My wife showed up at the absolute right time to save me.
The program was there and the door was open with a room of people just waiting for me
to walk in and ask for help. People took me in, accepted me and my flaws and troubles.
They supported me when I had nothing at all.
They saw something in me I never saw in myself.
They took me to meetings, helped me get jobs, fed me, clothed me, and supported my decision
to be clean and sober.
Slowly over a period of time, things got better.
I am finally able to begin to give back in my life.
These people have invested more than a decade in me and they are finally beginning to see
their return.

I get very grateful this time of year. even when these kids are driving me crazy,
I remember when I couldn't see them at all.
Today they're all here, screaming and arguing and laughing and having fun and fighting
and singing too loud and leaving food EVERYWHERE!
I love it. I am the luckiest man alive.

Today I salute the real hero's in my life.
You know who you are. My wife, my children, my in-laws, my sister and brother,
my sponsor, my home group, my ex-wives, my best friends, my manger.
Thank you for taking me in and giving me hope.
You've done all the hard work, I just showed up.
You deserve everything I can do for you, I hope to do more.
Today my life is about giving back and I am so thankful I am alive and able to do so.

These are the people that deserve a pat on the back, a big present, and a big ole' "AT A BOY"!

Finally I want to thank God.
Whoever you are, wherever you are......you have always been there for me.
When I was ready, every door opened wide.
Somethings haven't made sense, but I don't need to know everything.
I trust you with my life and I am thankful for your will.

Today I no longer celebrate the Holidaze - I celebrate life.
I am home, not on the streets, not drunk or hungover, and I am doing my best.
thank God.

Now if I can just figure out how to win at Halo.......I SUCK!

Merry Christmas People :)

The sad awful truth

http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/scott-weiland-s-family-dont-glorify-this-tragedy-20151207?page=2



The death of rock singer Scott Weiland was yet another tragedy not averted.
I just read the article in Rolling Stone written by the Scott's Ex-Wife and mother
of his two children. It is heartbreaking and real and the downright truth.
I urge you to read this article.
I could not agree more with this woman and I feel so very sad for her and her family.
It is certainly not "Rock n Roll" to throw away a family for good and kill yourself
on the dark side of life. I do not believe that, not anymore.
When I was young, all of my hero's were drug addicts and alcoholics and most of them
had died from the stuff. I thought it was cool and romantic to let it all go behind a bottle
or some pills, but I absolutely do not believe that is cool anymore.
It is sad and awful and hurts so many others in life.
The honest truth is, being an addict or an alcoholic is the most selfish and self-centered,
egotistical way to live your life.
You care nothing of those around you, only of yourself and your next fix or drink.
It is a disease... cunning, baffling and powerful and to turn it all around and make the change
necessary you have to take responsibility for your actions and be willing to change.
Change everything.

Unfortunately, I have seen many people go out this way in recovery.
They just don't make it to the other side.
Families are left behind - mad, confused and heartbroken.

But I have also seen people change. They have given up the drink and drug game for good
and learned a new way of life. They got their families back and made a difference in their
communities.
It works if you work it.

Take a second to read this article and say a prayer for Scott Weiland's family.
These kids lost their father and will forever have to live with that cloud of bullshit.
Do not glorify his death or condone it to "Rock n Roll".
It's sad and awful.

Instead, help someone today and let's try and give back.

Peace

Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.

I am truly thankful today.
I do not have a worry that cannot be fixed by some money or a little work.
That is a good feeling.
Today I have my family and my home and that is all I need.
I have my music and my friends and they are a blessing.

I have made a commitment to turn off the news and stop the frantic worry
of fear that the media wants me to believe is real, it is not.

I am limiting my access to social media and becoming more social in my community.
It is much more enjoyable to see a face and speak with a human being in physical
form than just on a screen.

In this moment, right now, I have no problems.
If I look into the past, I can find things to be angry or shameful about.
If I think about the future I can become fearful and worried.
But I do not live in the past or the future, I live only in the present,
and it is a present.
My mind is "My" mind and I control it's thinking, when I begin to think of
things that are not "Reality", I can change the thoughts immediately.
It requires discipline and practice, but it can be done.
In this moment, I am at peace.
I am at the breakfast table with my two youngest girls.
They're watching cartoons and I am reading, no worries in sight.
I can't help but think of all the people in the world that are not so safe.
They are not enjoying breakfast, they have lost loved ones to war and famine.
They deserve this peace and love as much as I do, some maybe more.

I pray for the world and those that are suffering.
I vow to love my family more today and enjoy every gift I have been given.

Today I will do my best to not speak ill of anyone, to bitch or complain
of the politics or the world I live in, I will speak only of love.
I will try to give thanks in every word I say and stay silent when I cannot.

We are so blessed to be safe and have homes and families.
Many do not.
I cannot solve the worlds problems today, but I can be thankful and enjoy my blessings
to the fullest.

Happy Thanksgiving.
I pray that you have everything you desire today.

Peace, Love, Zito