We have all heard this phrase over and over throughout life..."this too shall pass"
Often it is uttered by a loved one or close confidant when we are struggling through a tough time in life.
In recovery, as in life, you learn a number of slogans and sayings and phrases that are there to remind us of the reality of life.
We have lost a family member and this too shall pass. The pain and anguish of a broken heart and this too shall pass.
All of this being true. Time heals all wounds. When we think we cannot live any longer because of this pain, we continue to live another day and slowly over a period of time, we move on.
Well, I have no pain today, thank God!
I'm not suffering or healing in anyway. I'm very happy and thankful and had a great nights rest. All of my kids are doing well and my wife is happy (which means I get to be happy).
So as I take in a good morning and drink some coffee, I am reminded in my readings that.......this too shall pass!
Joking aside, it's true. We always use these sayings to comfort in times of need but they apply always. This is a huge part of the spiritual principle of acceptance. Life is not all good nor all bad. People are not all good or all bad and experiences are the same.
As much as I am really feeling good this morning, it's not going to last forever. Something will arise in the near future that will take this peace away.
I'll get caught up in something that might hurt my feelings or make me angry or make me sad and this happy relaxed state will be long gone!
Now, that is just the truth, like it or not.
And I am ok with that. I realize that today, that life changes and I have learned to "roll with the punches".
The best part in this beautiful realization is that I never get TOO angry or TOO sad over the upcoming shifts in my happiness. Life is not the crazy roller coaster it once was for me.
It's all kind down the middle and pretty even. I also have learned to really enjoy these moments in time when the world is at ease for me. Take it all in because it won't last forever. I don't anguish myself with what painful experience is around the corner, I truly appreciate my happiness and give thanks for the comfort in time.
These are the times when I pray and meditate. I get ready for what life will throw at me next. "Good times bad times, we've all had our share"
Life is moving forward whether I like it or not. It's on a path in time and when I can become in sync with the world around me, physically and more important spiritually, it's much easier to be here on planet Earth.
I realize today that this too shall pass.
This entire life will pass right before my eyes. What seems like forever will be gone in an instant and I better make the most of my time while I am still here.
Peace, Love, Zito
God Bless the victims and families in Boston. It hurts my heart.
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Monday, April 8, 2013
Patience is a pain in the.....
So, I reach out to someone, my wife, my manager, a friend and they don't answer their phone right away.......should be no big deal, right?
I've learned the principle of "Patience" in many ways over the years and in the big picture I have really embraced this idea of letting go of my feelings and attachment to the outcome of life and trusting that it will all work out.......wait for it....here it comes..... BUT,
When it comes to these little day to day interactions, once again I am at a loss.
Subconsciously I must be thinking, Where are they? Why aren't they answering? Don't they like me?
Don't they realize I have something very important to tell them? Why aren't they just sitting there waiting for me to contact them?
This is of course just one example of my impatience.
When I get in traffic, wait in a long line at the store, can't get the Internet to log on, when I have to listen to you finish your sentence so I can get to saying mine (that's one of my favorites).....
The list goes on and on.
Obviously this is a little part of all of our lives, addict or not. We are human and impatience is part of the human condition. Patience is a virtue, a spiritual principle, it must be practiced in order to be obtained and even then I cannot live in the clouds, I have to come back to Earth with the rest of you and probably will need to continue to practice this life long process.
Like I said before, in the big picture I have really learned to embrace Patience.
I realized early in recovery that getting my life together and back on track was going to take time and consistency. I didn't become an addict over night, so it would take time to change my way of thinking.
It would also take time for those around me to begin to believe in me again.
I had let them down so many times, they were shell shocked. I had said I was sorry 1000 times, only to break their hearts again and again. My point here is, I accepted this form of patience.
I realize over time, in the big picture, everything will work out.
It always does, and usually much quicker and easier when I stay out of it all together.
Once again, it's the small, day to day life experiences that are what I need to continue to work on.
I remind myself to slow down and relax a little. Whats the hurry?
Also, if I take the time to look at these little snafu's as wonderful spiritual exorcises, I can say thank you for giving me a chance to "Practice" the principle of Patience.
When I get impatient with my kids, my wife or my friends, I have to stop and remember that these
are human beings just like myself- give them a break and give yourself a break.
It's ok to not get everything done today - what would I do tomorrow?
Am I just in a hurry to get life over with and die already? :)
In the end, prayer and meditation always saves the day.
I read my literature a little, say a prayer and let it all go.
In God's time, not mine.
Peace, Love, Zito
I've learned the principle of "Patience" in many ways over the years and in the big picture I have really embraced this idea of letting go of my feelings and attachment to the outcome of life and trusting that it will all work out.......wait for it....here it comes..... BUT,
When it comes to these little day to day interactions, once again I am at a loss.
Subconsciously I must be thinking, Where are they? Why aren't they answering? Don't they like me?
Don't they realize I have something very important to tell them? Why aren't they just sitting there waiting for me to contact them?
This is of course just one example of my impatience.
When I get in traffic, wait in a long line at the store, can't get the Internet to log on, when I have to listen to you finish your sentence so I can get to saying mine (that's one of my favorites).....
The list goes on and on.
Obviously this is a little part of all of our lives, addict or not. We are human and impatience is part of the human condition. Patience is a virtue, a spiritual principle, it must be practiced in order to be obtained and even then I cannot live in the clouds, I have to come back to Earth with the rest of you and probably will need to continue to practice this life long process.
Like I said before, in the big picture I have really learned to embrace Patience.
I realized early in recovery that getting my life together and back on track was going to take time and consistency. I didn't become an addict over night, so it would take time to change my way of thinking.
It would also take time for those around me to begin to believe in me again.
I had let them down so many times, they were shell shocked. I had said I was sorry 1000 times, only to break their hearts again and again. My point here is, I accepted this form of patience.
I realize over time, in the big picture, everything will work out.
It always does, and usually much quicker and easier when I stay out of it all together.
Once again, it's the small, day to day life experiences that are what I need to continue to work on.
I remind myself to slow down and relax a little. Whats the hurry?
Also, if I take the time to look at these little snafu's as wonderful spiritual exorcises, I can say thank you for giving me a chance to "Practice" the principle of Patience.
When I get impatient with my kids, my wife or my friends, I have to stop and remember that these
are human beings just like myself- give them a break and give yourself a break.
It's ok to not get everything done today - what would I do tomorrow?
Am I just in a hurry to get life over with and die already? :)
In the end, prayer and meditation always saves the day.
I read my literature a little, say a prayer and let it all go.
In God's time, not mine.
Peace, Love, Zito
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
This amazing turn of events....
Recovery cannot be described better than an amazing turn of events.
When I surrendered and became willing, everything in my life lined up properly and gave way. I would need to write a book to share with you the thousands of coincidences that have occurred in the past 10 years all relating to my journey in recovery.
The best part is that they still happen today and I am witness to them all.
I am a firm believer that my higher power never keeps anything from me, I keep it from myself and when I am ready, willing and able, anything is possible.
This is not so much an amazing coincidence just a fantastic little story that I was told last night. I am currently on tour with the Royal Southern Brotherhood in Australia. We performed last night at the Byron Bay Blues Feat on the Gold Coast. This alone is pretty damn incredible! After our show we went to a booth for an autograph session. After we had signed for everyone a photographer approached me and asked if he could tell me a story. He said he had taken his first trip to the US in the summer of 2002. He had been around the Midwest and eventually ended up in Columbia, Mo.
He got on a Greyhound Bus and headed through Saint Louis and then down south. He said he met me at the Greyhound Bus Station. I had a guitar in one hand and small bag if clothes in the other. He told me I looked a little lost and wasn't sure where I was going.
He pulled out a copy of my America's Most Wanted cd and said I gave it to him. Of course I don't remember any of this. He said we talked for quite awhile about American music and the blues.
He said I was very kind to him and that meeting me was one of the highlights of his US journey. He said he often wondered what may have happened to me until this year when he saw my name listed as a performer at the Byron Bay Blues Fest. He lives in Brisbane and was going to be here to photograph the festival.
I was really stunned and blown away.
I immediately grabbed a copy of my Greyhound cd and handed it to him.
We talked for a bit and I told him what happened after our meeting at the bus station and how it all eventually worked out. His name is Lucky.
It's almost like meeting someone who met you in another life. I was so curious. I can barely remember that fateful trip, just the basic facts.
All I remember is that I was so down and out and thought I should do everyone a favor and just leave.
I stole a friends acoustic guitar, my fathers credit card and bought a one way ticket down south.
I was happy to know when he informed me that I was kind and friendly.
This may not mean much to you and in the big scheme of things is just a little anecdote, but it meant the world to me.
It also reminds me that this is a REALLY small world we live in and everything we say and do counts!
When we are young we may not understand that every action has a consequence, good or bad.
That over time the events in our life shape us into the adults we will become. Our choices help define our character as well as the consequences of our choices.
At the time, that runaway trip was the most painful time in my life, today it is my saving grace. I had a lot to learn and the school of hard knocks was right for me. I have never learned much when everything is going great.
Today I can use my painful past as part of my experience, strength and hope to remind myself and others that I never have to feel that way again.
Thanks Lucky.....
When I surrendered and became willing, everything in my life lined up properly and gave way. I would need to write a book to share with you the thousands of coincidences that have occurred in the past 10 years all relating to my journey in recovery.
The best part is that they still happen today and I am witness to them all.
I am a firm believer that my higher power never keeps anything from me, I keep it from myself and when I am ready, willing and able, anything is possible.
This is not so much an amazing coincidence just a fantastic little story that I was told last night. I am currently on tour with the Royal Southern Brotherhood in Australia. We performed last night at the Byron Bay Blues Feat on the Gold Coast. This alone is pretty damn incredible! After our show we went to a booth for an autograph session. After we had signed for everyone a photographer approached me and asked if he could tell me a story. He said he had taken his first trip to the US in the summer of 2002. He had been around the Midwest and eventually ended up in Columbia, Mo.
He got on a Greyhound Bus and headed through Saint Louis and then down south. He said he met me at the Greyhound Bus Station. I had a guitar in one hand and small bag if clothes in the other. He told me I looked a little lost and wasn't sure where I was going.
He pulled out a copy of my America's Most Wanted cd and said I gave it to him. Of course I don't remember any of this. He said we talked for quite awhile about American music and the blues.
He said I was very kind to him and that meeting me was one of the highlights of his US journey. He said he often wondered what may have happened to me until this year when he saw my name listed as a performer at the Byron Bay Blues Fest. He lives in Brisbane and was going to be here to photograph the festival.
I was really stunned and blown away.
I immediately grabbed a copy of my Greyhound cd and handed it to him.
We talked for a bit and I told him what happened after our meeting at the bus station and how it all eventually worked out. His name is Lucky.
It's almost like meeting someone who met you in another life. I was so curious. I can barely remember that fateful trip, just the basic facts.
All I remember is that I was so down and out and thought I should do everyone a favor and just leave.
I stole a friends acoustic guitar, my fathers credit card and bought a one way ticket down south.
I was happy to know when he informed me that I was kind and friendly.
This may not mean much to you and in the big scheme of things is just a little anecdote, but it meant the world to me.
It also reminds me that this is a REALLY small world we live in and everything we say and do counts!
When we are young we may not understand that every action has a consequence, good or bad.
That over time the events in our life shape us into the adults we will become. Our choices help define our character as well as the consequences of our choices.
At the time, that runaway trip was the most painful time in my life, today it is my saving grace. I had a lot to learn and the school of hard knocks was right for me. I have never learned much when everything is going great.
Today I can use my painful past as part of my experience, strength and hope to remind myself and others that I never have to feel that way again.
Thanks Lucky.....
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Down Under Blues
Well, I am the world traveler this week in Australia with RSB. It's amazing to think where the blues has taken me.
I remind myself to be thankful to Muddy Waters and Blind Willie Johnson for this life I lead. I am just a student of the music and of the spiritual principles.
I thoroughly enjoy the traveling aspect of this musical career. Especially to foreign and exotic places.
I am also reminded that people are people, no matter where I go.
They are alive and living, working and playing. I travel thousands of miles to some distinctly different part of the world and look immediately for differences. What are they eating?
What are they doing? Where are they going?
I guess I am hoping to find that they are so different, eating crazy foods and living in some abnormal way....but they are not. They are exactly the same as you and I. They are trying to make it all work. Pay their bills and get through life the best they can. They have families and jobs and responsibilities just as we do. Sure, maybe they eat something a little strange or do things a bit odd to me, but its very superficial.
The bottom line is, people are people.
We hope for no harm and generally want to live in peace. I believe this.
I believe that people are all mostly good at their core. I do not believe in evil of any kind. I do believe in mental illness and emotional sickness.
I have been so fortunate to have traveled all over the world In the past 20 years and its all the same.
Sure their are some in the world that want to destroy and harm and steal and conquer, but the majority want to live in peace. We forget this sometimes when we are home in our little world. We watch tv and see only the bad out there and it seems like its all bad!
It's just not true. If you haven't ventured out into the world, you don't know what you're missing.
As soon as I realize that the differences are minimal in my travels, I begin to see the similarities. They are abundant.
This is at the core a huge part of my disease and mental illness. I want to be different form every one else.
I feel the need to be unique.
Although I am unique in certain ways,
I am more like everyone else.
I am not so different. None of us are.
We are the same.
We are connected. My disease wants me to disconnect, and that is ,in my teachings, the root of my self centered, egotistical illness. The sooner I can begin to seek the similarities in others on a daily basis, the sooner I can begin to give myself a break. In return I will begin to give everyone a break.
Because we are all human.
Very flawed. If I can begin to lower the expectations I have on myself, I will lower them on the rest of the world and immediately everything gets more peaceful and serene.
We are all connected, we are all one.
What I do that is good for the whole is what's best for me, because I am part of the whole. What benefits me only, immediately draws a line between us.
I am no expert and these are not my great opinions, these are just the principles that have been taught to me by those that came before me and I am reminding myself each day to re-member.
Peace, Love, Zito
I remind myself to be thankful to Muddy Waters and Blind Willie Johnson for this life I lead. I am just a student of the music and of the spiritual principles.
I thoroughly enjoy the traveling aspect of this musical career. Especially to foreign and exotic places.
I am also reminded that people are people, no matter where I go.
They are alive and living, working and playing. I travel thousands of miles to some distinctly different part of the world and look immediately for differences. What are they eating?
What are they doing? Where are they going?
I guess I am hoping to find that they are so different, eating crazy foods and living in some abnormal way....but they are not. They are exactly the same as you and I. They are trying to make it all work. Pay their bills and get through life the best they can. They have families and jobs and responsibilities just as we do. Sure, maybe they eat something a little strange or do things a bit odd to me, but its very superficial.
The bottom line is, people are people.
We hope for no harm and generally want to live in peace. I believe this.
I believe that people are all mostly good at their core. I do not believe in evil of any kind. I do believe in mental illness and emotional sickness.
I have been so fortunate to have traveled all over the world In the past 20 years and its all the same.
Sure their are some in the world that want to destroy and harm and steal and conquer, but the majority want to live in peace. We forget this sometimes when we are home in our little world. We watch tv and see only the bad out there and it seems like its all bad!
It's just not true. If you haven't ventured out into the world, you don't know what you're missing.
As soon as I realize that the differences are minimal in my travels, I begin to see the similarities. They are abundant.
This is at the core a huge part of my disease and mental illness. I want to be different form every one else.
I feel the need to be unique.
Although I am unique in certain ways,
I am more like everyone else.
I am not so different. None of us are.
We are the same.
We are connected. My disease wants me to disconnect, and that is ,in my teachings, the root of my self centered, egotistical illness. The sooner I can begin to seek the similarities in others on a daily basis, the sooner I can begin to give myself a break. In return I will begin to give everyone a break.
Because we are all human.
Very flawed. If I can begin to lower the expectations I have on myself, I will lower them on the rest of the world and immediately everything gets more peaceful and serene.
We are all connected, we are all one.
What I do that is good for the whole is what's best for me, because I am part of the whole. What benefits me only, immediately draws a line between us.
I am no expert and these are not my great opinions, these are just the principles that have been taught to me by those that came before me and I am reminding myself each day to re-member.
Peace, Love, Zito
Thursday, March 21, 2013
I get by with a little help....
It's still amazing to me how this disease works. That I can just so easily forget What's wrong with me and get myself into trouble. I have to consistently be reminded of my addiction to keep me on path.
It's like I wake up everyday and somewhere between brushing my teeth and getting dressed I get this thought that says "oh yeah, I'm an addict". Then I say the serenity prayer, do a little meditating and get on with my day. I'll try and read some literature, and spark my recovery for the day.
But, their are days when I am in a hurry, and this doesn't always happen.
I get out the door, get busy on the phone and before you know it its getting close to noon.
It's these days when I might get this uncomfortable feeling in life. People might start to get on my nerves for no real reason. I get easily frustrated with simple situations and start to enjoy that
"Why me" feeling. That's never a good place for anyone, and certainly not an addict.
I'll admit, I don't think during any of this that I might go get a drink or a drug, but I do think
"To hell with all this!!!" I'm used to being very forgiving in life thanks to recovery, especially in forgiving myself for being human. In return I am very forgiving with all of humanity.
Eventually I am reminded of my disease and to give myself a break. It's like suddenly I get it, "oh yeah, duh! I have the disease of addiction!" That's what's going on here, that's why I'm having a hard time with all this easy shit.
Because of my career choice, I spend a lot of time early in the day by myself.
I usually get time to do what I need in the morning before we hit the road
But also,When we are on tour, things can get hectic.
This is when I can honestly say "I get by with a little help from my friends"
Luckily my wife is affiliated with the program and she'll be the first to remind me that
things are not so bad when I get squirrelly.
I also have so many friends out here on the road that are in recovery, and they always come to shows and support. Just seeing their faces will usually put me at ease and remind me of my recovery.
We usually share a little bit with each other of how we are doing and it really, really helps.
It's such a blessing to play music in recovery.
I thank all of my friends out there who walk the walk and talk the talk.
Just for today
Peace, Love, Zito
It's like I wake up everyday and somewhere between brushing my teeth and getting dressed I get this thought that says "oh yeah, I'm an addict". Then I say the serenity prayer, do a little meditating and get on with my day. I'll try and read some literature, and spark my recovery for the day.
But, their are days when I am in a hurry, and this doesn't always happen.
I get out the door, get busy on the phone and before you know it its getting close to noon.
It's these days when I might get this uncomfortable feeling in life. People might start to get on my nerves for no real reason. I get easily frustrated with simple situations and start to enjoy that
"Why me" feeling. That's never a good place for anyone, and certainly not an addict.
I'll admit, I don't think during any of this that I might go get a drink or a drug, but I do think
"To hell with all this!!!" I'm used to being very forgiving in life thanks to recovery, especially in forgiving myself for being human. In return I am very forgiving with all of humanity.
Eventually I am reminded of my disease and to give myself a break. It's like suddenly I get it, "oh yeah, duh! I have the disease of addiction!" That's what's going on here, that's why I'm having a hard time with all this easy shit.
Because of my career choice, I spend a lot of time early in the day by myself.
I usually get time to do what I need in the morning before we hit the road
But also,When we are on tour, things can get hectic.
This is when I can honestly say "I get by with a little help from my friends"
Luckily my wife is affiliated with the program and she'll be the first to remind me that
things are not so bad when I get squirrelly.
I also have so many friends out here on the road that are in recovery, and they always come to shows and support. Just seeing their faces will usually put me at ease and remind me of my recovery.
We usually share a little bit with each other of how we are doing and it really, really helps.
It's such a blessing to play music in recovery.
I thank all of my friends out there who walk the walk and talk the talk.
Just for today
Peace, Love, Zito
Monday, March 11, 2013
I'm obsessed with obsession....
Maybe I am possessed, yes maybe that's what the problem is with me!
Wouldn't it be wonderful to write this obsession off as a real demon inside
Of me that is possessing me and making me think and do awful stuff? Rhetorical
Obviously, I don't believe in monsters and will probably have to take responsibility for my own actions and thoughts. Ha!
I do really well for a long time, just going along with the days, following the rules of society.
I pay my bills on time, get my oil changed, use the seatbelt, don't curse in front of the elderly or children.... I even do nice things for people when I can, and then suddenly out of nowhere,
Somebody gets into my head and I can't get them out!
I somehow get involved in some crazy wacky situation that involves he said and she said and we thought, and you thought and it all goes right over the cliff.
That's life I guess. Things are not perfect all the time, nor should they be.
It's so easy when I am giving someone else advice on how to deal with this situation by telling them to just let it go, who cares, it's no big deal, you can change your mind, just pray........
But when it comes to me, oh my mind tells me this is the worst thing ever. No one has ever had it this bad before and I better get good and obsessed about it all.
I start reciting all the lines of the conversation or situation at hand. It's like an afternoon tv special going on in my head. Then I get even crazier and start adding things they didn't say just to make it all more juicy and exciting! I start reciting my lines as well, what I will say when I speak to them again.
It takes over and it won't stop. Once I recognize that my mind is plagued with this situation I start to immediately say the serenity prayer. I know I need relief once it really starts to change my mood on the outside. I can't focus on things around me and I get very agitated. So I begin the recovery process yet again. I start by praying every time my mind begins thinking about this crap in hopes that I can change my mind, but my sickness is strong and it doesn't really work well at first.
So I start reading my literature and try to meditate a little more to help ease the pain.
Still I go through every scenario possible. I take a different angle to the situation as time goes on.
At first I might be very angry and stand offish about all of this and then I may get very apologetic in a very sarcastic way and it usually ends with a good old I don't give a shit.
Still every clear moment, I catch myself thinking about this shit.
That gets frustrating, just the idea that I cannot let go of this in my head starts to get me down.
Eventually, slowly over a period of time, I will begin to forget about all of this and forgive those involved, including myself. I let it go and move on. I slowly become free once again from the bondage of self. That's what I wanted all along! How come to it didn't happen quicker? I still want what I want when I want it and recovery is still a process. It takes time. I have come to the understanding that I'm going to have to probably suffer a little bit but in the end it all goes away. The important thing today is that I don't use over it.
That's a miracle!
I need to recognize that I am growing and give myself a break. The longer I stay in recovery and continue to work the spiritual principles into my life, the easier it all gets. What used to cause a huge bender now only causes a day or two of bad thinking. That's pretty good.
The more I recognize my own disease,
the more I realize others are sick as well and we are just trying to get along on this big rock until we die.
God is good and so is life today in recovery.
Wouldn't it be wonderful to write this obsession off as a real demon inside
Of me that is possessing me and making me think and do awful stuff? Rhetorical
Obviously, I don't believe in monsters and will probably have to take responsibility for my own actions and thoughts. Ha!
I do really well for a long time, just going along with the days, following the rules of society.
I pay my bills on time, get my oil changed, use the seatbelt, don't curse in front of the elderly or children.... I even do nice things for people when I can, and then suddenly out of nowhere,
Somebody gets into my head and I can't get them out!
I somehow get involved in some crazy wacky situation that involves he said and she said and we thought, and you thought and it all goes right over the cliff.
That's life I guess. Things are not perfect all the time, nor should they be.
It's so easy when I am giving someone else advice on how to deal with this situation by telling them to just let it go, who cares, it's no big deal, you can change your mind, just pray........
But when it comes to me, oh my mind tells me this is the worst thing ever. No one has ever had it this bad before and I better get good and obsessed about it all.
I start reciting all the lines of the conversation or situation at hand. It's like an afternoon tv special going on in my head. Then I get even crazier and start adding things they didn't say just to make it all more juicy and exciting! I start reciting my lines as well, what I will say when I speak to them again.
It takes over and it won't stop. Once I recognize that my mind is plagued with this situation I start to immediately say the serenity prayer. I know I need relief once it really starts to change my mood on the outside. I can't focus on things around me and I get very agitated. So I begin the recovery process yet again. I start by praying every time my mind begins thinking about this crap in hopes that I can change my mind, but my sickness is strong and it doesn't really work well at first.
So I start reading my literature and try to meditate a little more to help ease the pain.
Still I go through every scenario possible. I take a different angle to the situation as time goes on.
At first I might be very angry and stand offish about all of this and then I may get very apologetic in a very sarcastic way and it usually ends with a good old I don't give a shit.
Still every clear moment, I catch myself thinking about this shit.
That gets frustrating, just the idea that I cannot let go of this in my head starts to get me down.
Eventually, slowly over a period of time, I will begin to forget about all of this and forgive those involved, including myself. I let it go and move on. I slowly become free once again from the bondage of self. That's what I wanted all along! How come to it didn't happen quicker? I still want what I want when I want it and recovery is still a process. It takes time. I have come to the understanding that I'm going to have to probably suffer a little bit but in the end it all goes away. The important thing today is that I don't use over it.
That's a miracle!
I need to recognize that I am growing and give myself a break. The longer I stay in recovery and continue to work the spiritual principles into my life, the easier it all gets. What used to cause a huge bender now only causes a day or two of bad thinking. That's pretty good.
The more I recognize my own disease,
the more I realize others are sick as well and we are just trying to get along on this big rock until we die.
God is good and so is life today in recovery.
Monday, February 25, 2013
Gratitude
I could probably write 1000 pages on gratitude.
If I even began to be so humble and think of all the people, circumstances, blessings, God working through my life events that I am so thankful and grateful for, I would be here all day on a pink cloud
with carpel tunnel.
It's always easy for me to look around, especially when I am home, and be thankful for my life. To wake up in a bed and not on the street or the basement of a drug house, it's pretty amazing. Its easy to be grateful for the obvious things in my life. When something is wonderful and brings happiness and makes my life easier, it's just instinct at this point to be grateful.
But.......if I am going with the idea that "everything happens for a reason", that their are no coincidences.....well, then how do I find the gratitude for the things that are not pleasant in my life?
People who are huge pains in the ass, situations that are painful and time consuming, times when I pray my life was different.... thats when I need some gratitude. Not just a reminder that my life is great and look at the big picture, thats what we tell newcomers, I've been here awhile, that shit is good but I have to grow up and work further, on a spiritual level with my painful situation. This situation that Im in that I wish would end, must be happening for a reason. It must be an opportunity to practice some spiritual principles, to work on an area that I need help with. When I am stuck with this person that is such a huge pain in my ass, who really rubs me the wrong way, their must be a spiritual reason for this.
Especially, again, if I am going with the "everything happens for a reason" ....... Dammit!
I can't just take the good with the good, that doesn't work. I have to look at these people and situations as opportunities to grow spiritually. Most of the time, this understanding doesn't happen immediately or even over night. It's usually a process. It's painful and it hurts and I obsess for a period of time about how much I can't stand this person or feel sorry for myself that I am in this situation. That goes on for a while, then when it hurts enough, I begin to pray to relieve myself of the pain. I start saying the Serenity Prayer every time I think about it or catch myself obsessing. That slowly begins to change the way I look at whats going on. Then I talk to my sponsor or other people I trust about how I feel and whats happening. ( I will usually talk to people first who will maybe see my side of the story and agree with me that this person or situation is a huge pain in the ass and I certainly have a right to feel the way I do)
Eventually I will talk to my sponsor who will usually tell me they are sorry to hear about this and they understand, immediately followed by "well, thats just the way it is, and you'll probably just have to suck it up and move on". Dammit Again!
Slowly I begin to accept this person or situation into my life. I begin to be able to live with it and not obsess or let them get under my skin. Ultimately, if I am going to really try and live a spiritual life and continue to seek God in all things around me, I have to start to become grateful for this situation or person. When I think about the times in my life when I learned the most, they were never wonderful, painless times of joy and learning. They were usually the most painful, God awful, gut wrenching times. This is how I learn. This is how we learn as human beings.
When I stick my finger in the electrical socket, it hurts and I remember to not do that again.....
(Unless you are an addict like me, you keep sticking your finger in the socket and can't figure out why it keeps hurting, hoping you'll find a way to do it with no shock.) But, thats what this is all about.
Once I get past my disease and get into the spiritual part of my program, I can begin to work on the principles. When I can look at this person or situation as an opportunity to learn, a chance to "Practice"
these principles, then I begin to not only accept whats around me, I begin to have gratitude for this experience. Gratitude that the outcome will be greater than the pain of this moment. That everything happens for a reason. Sometimes a painful person is reminding me how I once was and how I definitely do not want to behave like that again. A painful situation is teaching me that program works, that I don't have a desire to use over this, and that praying and meditating is always the answer.
So, today I am grateful for all of you big pains in my ass out there!
I am thankful for painful situations in my life that I wish weren't happening, I obviously need to learn something and I'm pretty sure I can live through it today.
It could always be worse, thats for damn sure, and usually it's not nearly as bad as I think it is.
Life is painful at best, and my spirituality is the only relief.
If I even began to be so humble and think of all the people, circumstances, blessings, God working through my life events that I am so thankful and grateful for, I would be here all day on a pink cloud
with carpel tunnel.
It's always easy for me to look around, especially when I am home, and be thankful for my life. To wake up in a bed and not on the street or the basement of a drug house, it's pretty amazing. Its easy to be grateful for the obvious things in my life. When something is wonderful and brings happiness and makes my life easier, it's just instinct at this point to be grateful.
But.......if I am going with the idea that "everything happens for a reason", that their are no coincidences.....well, then how do I find the gratitude for the things that are not pleasant in my life?
People who are huge pains in the ass, situations that are painful and time consuming, times when I pray my life was different.... thats when I need some gratitude. Not just a reminder that my life is great and look at the big picture, thats what we tell newcomers, I've been here awhile, that shit is good but I have to grow up and work further, on a spiritual level with my painful situation. This situation that Im in that I wish would end, must be happening for a reason. It must be an opportunity to practice some spiritual principles, to work on an area that I need help with. When I am stuck with this person that is such a huge pain in my ass, who really rubs me the wrong way, their must be a spiritual reason for this.
Especially, again, if I am going with the "everything happens for a reason" ....... Dammit!
I can't just take the good with the good, that doesn't work. I have to look at these people and situations as opportunities to grow spiritually. Most of the time, this understanding doesn't happen immediately or even over night. It's usually a process. It's painful and it hurts and I obsess for a period of time about how much I can't stand this person or feel sorry for myself that I am in this situation. That goes on for a while, then when it hurts enough, I begin to pray to relieve myself of the pain. I start saying the Serenity Prayer every time I think about it or catch myself obsessing. That slowly begins to change the way I look at whats going on. Then I talk to my sponsor or other people I trust about how I feel and whats happening. ( I will usually talk to people first who will maybe see my side of the story and agree with me that this person or situation is a huge pain in the ass and I certainly have a right to feel the way I do)
Eventually I will talk to my sponsor who will usually tell me they are sorry to hear about this and they understand, immediately followed by "well, thats just the way it is, and you'll probably just have to suck it up and move on". Dammit Again!
Slowly I begin to accept this person or situation into my life. I begin to be able to live with it and not obsess or let them get under my skin. Ultimately, if I am going to really try and live a spiritual life and continue to seek God in all things around me, I have to start to become grateful for this situation or person. When I think about the times in my life when I learned the most, they were never wonderful, painless times of joy and learning. They were usually the most painful, God awful, gut wrenching times. This is how I learn. This is how we learn as human beings.
When I stick my finger in the electrical socket, it hurts and I remember to not do that again.....
(Unless you are an addict like me, you keep sticking your finger in the socket and can't figure out why it keeps hurting, hoping you'll find a way to do it with no shock.) But, thats what this is all about.
Once I get past my disease and get into the spiritual part of my program, I can begin to work on the principles. When I can look at this person or situation as an opportunity to learn, a chance to "Practice"
these principles, then I begin to not only accept whats around me, I begin to have gratitude for this experience. Gratitude that the outcome will be greater than the pain of this moment. That everything happens for a reason. Sometimes a painful person is reminding me how I once was and how I definitely do not want to behave like that again. A painful situation is teaching me that program works, that I don't have a desire to use over this, and that praying and meditating is always the answer.
So, today I am grateful for all of you big pains in my ass out there!
I am thankful for painful situations in my life that I wish weren't happening, I obviously need to learn something and I'm pretty sure I can live through it today.
It could always be worse, thats for damn sure, and usually it's not nearly as bad as I think it is.
Life is painful at best, and my spirituality is the only relief.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)